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Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn's Fortune

The message was short and simple. Find out what message of the future Evil Glenn had received from the Gypsy Fortune Teller.

Tricky, I thought. But I can do it.

I quickly gathered the supplies that I thought I would need.

30 yards of 3-ply nylon rope
2 rolls of duct tape
Swiss Army knife
Back-up Swiss Army knife
Shovel
Deck of cards
2 saltwater clams
The August, 1973 issue of Popular Mechanics
3 rolls of toilet paper
A packet of mustard
Another Back-up Swiss Army knife
A roll of Tums
Two Lemmings
A flashlight
3 band-aids
73¢ in change, Canadian
And a dill pickle

Once I had my supplies all set, I headed over to Evil Glenn’s Fortress Of Evil™.

Three hours later, I had almost made my way into Evil Glenn’s inner sanctum. But I was running out of time and equipment. I was down to ten feet of duct tape, my back-up back-up Swiss Army knife, and one poker card left tucked up my sleeve. It was like he had known I was coming and had set every trap in his Fortress to catch me.

With a final sprint, I made it into his inner sanctum. There was a sheet of parchment lying on his desk.

I picked it up and read:

Insta-prophesy for the Blogsphere Overlord.

Great Glenn,

On the tenth day of the ninth month of this year, an Alliance of Free Bloggers member will break into your Fortress Of Evil™ and steal this insta-prophesy.

Beware the club.

-Evil Hench-Gypsy #42

As I finished reading and stuffed the parchment into my satchel, I heard an evil laugh from behind me.

“You think you’ve won, don’t you?”

I could only shudder at the sound of what I knew to be Evil Glenn.

“Put your hands in the air. And drop any weapons you have.” He said, as I slowly turned to face him.

My knife clattered to the floor. And I stood there facing him. He was holding what looked like a large food processor and was pointing it directly at my chest.

“Where is the club that the prophecy mentioned?” He asked.

Quickly whipping the playing card out of my shirt-sleeve, I spun it at him with a flick of my wrist. It stuck in his forehead, directly between his eyes, and knocked him unconscious. As I ran past him to the exit, I could see that it was the four of clubs.

Good prophesy I thought. Just hope I have enough duct tape to get out of here.

Posted by GEBIV at September 10, 2004 09:07 PM