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PGHA: 380 Tons of explosives

I had 380 tons of high explosives show up in the mail the other day. Now I just have to figure out what to do with all of it…

Well, now that the election is over and President Bush has a relatively clear majority, I can thankfully scrap the more apocalyptic thoughts I had for that much explosive. I guess that I won’t have to booby-trap all of the approaches to my home. (Just kidding. The traps are still there, just without any explosives. So I guess that would make them non-lethal…)

Anyways, here’s my ideas:

Since most of the missing explosives, when mixed with the proper chemicals or resins form a plastic-like substance, a whole realm of possibilities opens up.

One of my first thoughts was a High Explosive novelty cigar. But after I thought about it for a while, I seemed to remember reading somewhere that Islamo-Fascist Fundamentalists don’t smoke, so I thought distribution might be a problem.

Next, I thought about making HMX sunglasses. But I wasn’t sure if the explosives could be turned into an opaque plastic lens. And I thought that the sunglass frames might be a little small to fit a detonator into. Especially if we had to stick with the high fashion designs that today’s modern terrorist seems to wear.

I briefly toyed with the idea of HMX condoms, but that just seemed a little unfair to camels.

Finally, I was inspired by the final scene of “Caddyshack.” Except instead of cute little fuzzy bunnies and other little critters, I was thinking along the lines of an Islamo-Fascist Academy Award. The IFAA, or Mucti, (so called because they were modeled on the likeness of Muctada Al Sadr) would be a chubby little statue just cram packed with explosive goodness. (For us, that is.)

The Muctis would be given out at a grand ceremony where all of the terrorists present would receive one. We could make up categories as we went along. Like “Best Turban,” “Biggest Stash of Guns,” “Highest Main Stream Media Ratings”, “Largest Living Group Of Followers” or “Most Likely to Blow Up” (OK, hopefully they’ll all win that last one. But you get the idea.)

Then, when all of the terrorists have their Muctis, they can be set off by remote detonators built into the base, or by a pre-set timer. (“Jamal, is your Mucti ticking, too?” “No. But mine just started to make a beeping noise.” KABOOM)

If it works really well, we could consider other award ceremonies… “The Poofy Haired Dictator Lifetime Un-Achievement Award” just popped into my head for a start.

Posted by GEBIV at November 3, 2004 05:10 PM