December 08, 2004

PGHA: Dan's New Job

Now that Dan Rather has officially announced that he is leaving CBS, many people are wondering what new job he’ll be going to.

Obviously, he can’t just retire and live off of his pension. After he gets around to paying off all of the fines and penalties for some of his on-air statements, he’ll be lucky to keep his house.

So I decided to put together a brief list of occupations where I could see him ending up.

Assistant Zookeeper: After all, he has to be used to shoveling it by now…

Stable Boy: See above.

American Communist Party Chairman: See above.

Democratic National Committee Chairman: This way he would still be able to get paid for saying slanderous things and generally lying about the DNC opponents. This job would require the least amount of re-training for him. And oh yeah, see above.

Kinkos Representative: “For copies better than originals, use Kinkos” (Actually, I saw this as a photoshop somewhere and couldn’t resist using it.)

Dark Lord of the Blogsphere: Since the rumor is that Evil Glenn will be taking his place as CBS News Anchor, someone will need to fill the vacancy left by Instapundit. Oh wait, that would be our job. Scratch that one…

Crash Test Dummy: It’s not like he’s using his head for anything anyways…

Late Night Show Punchline: “…and this was the worst blizzard in New York history. In other news, Dan Rather has stated that we will be having the mildest and sunniest winter ever this year…” (OK, so that one didn’t work as well as I hoped. There’s a reason why I’m not working late night shows yet.)

Hat Rack: See “Crash Test Dummy”

Well, that’s all I could come up with. Sorry if some of those seemed a little callous and insulting. They were all meant to be.

Posted by GEBIV at December 8, 2004 06:38 PM

I thought they were ALL plenty callous :-)

Posted by: Harvey at December 9, 2004 11:28 AM
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