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Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn's Protests

Ah, the groundhog has seen its shadow. Millions of dollars have been spent on candy and roses. Thousands who didn’t spend enough have slept on the couch for the week… And now a new holiday is coming. A day when we celebrate all that is good in the U.S.A.

A day of many sales.

A day when many (mostly government employees, really) get the day off, and most go shopping.

But don’t worry. I’ll still be at work.

And on this day when countless people are celebrating the men who helped forge this great nation, there is one other pastime that people practice.

The time honored protest.

Now we know what the left is going to be protesting, namely everything under the sun having to do with Republicans, the President, religion, and the blogsphere. (Hey, pretty good company we’re keeping there…)

But the real question is; What will Evil Glenn be protesting this President’s Day?

I feel that he will be protesting two major issues. First, the President’s signing into law the new Tort Reform bill. Sources inform me that when Evil Glenn witnessed the signing ceremony, he was heard to remark, “Where is all the fun of being a lawyer going to come from now.”

These sources also have said that Evil Glenn’s protest on this matter will be held early on Monday morning, and should be in the form of Evil Glenn marching on the Capitol Building pushing a large shopping cart full of money under a banner reading “Protect Our Shopping Rights!”

After that protest is finished, he plans on flying back down to Daytona, where he has plans to protest the NASCAR Racing Commission. This is over a dispute that has kept him out of the famous race for the last 5 years.

The head of NASCAR was asked about the dispute and replied, “Look, I don’t care how fast that Glenn guy is. We’re not letting him race at Daytona without a car.”

(And yes, I know that I stole the concept of the intro to this story from Harvey. So sue me.)

(I also got the idea for racing the Daytona 500 without a car from "Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey". Watch the credit's at the end, and you'll get it.)

Posted by GEBIV at February 18, 2005 09:31 PM