May 06, 2005

Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn's Mother's Day

Everyone has a mother. It's a biological necessity. Even Saddam Hussein had a mother. (He had her boiled in camel milk as an April Fools joke, but that's another story.)

So it should come as no surprise that even Evil Glenn has a mother. And so, he also has to celebrate Mother's Day.

Thus, the question was raised:

What does Evil Glenn do for Mother's Day.

And to this end, I give you

Incredibly Inane Information about Evil Glenn's Mother's Day.

  • Evil Glenn used to give his mother fresh flowers every Mother's Day. But now that the cemeteries all lock their gates at night, he has a hard time stealing them from the memorials.
  • He once sent her a box of chocolate covered nuts for Mother's Day, but she had an allergic reaction to them.
  • The next year he just sent her a big jar of nuts. It turns out she wasn't allergic to the chocolate, like he thought.
  • Another time, Evil Glenn dressed up like Santa Clause and climbed down her chimney to deliver her flowers.
  • He gets confused about holidays, and sometimes mixes them up.
  • Fortunately, it was a warm night, so the fire wasn't too big.
  • Too bad his name isn't Chester. (sorry really bad/obscure joke)
  • Unlike his father who apreciates getting a big bottle of liquor for Father's Day, Evil Glenn's mother doesn't like to drink.
  • So Glenn's dad get's booze in both in June and May!
  • Evil Glenn has gotten so cheep that he's started giving recycled greeting cards.
  • This year she's getting a Bah Mitzvah card.
  • At least it's better than the "Congratulations on the Successful Sex Change Operation!" card she got last year.
Posted by GEBIV at May 6, 2005 11:59 PM
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