Found on a Joke Newsgroup.
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.""That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because
my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my
insurance company also paid for everything."The lawyer looked somewhat confused and said,
"How do you start a flood?""
And...
Top ten list of things to do to prepare for the ski season: (And to remind non-skiers why they do not ski.)10.. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer
for half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.
9.. Go to the nearest hockey rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your
ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you
are looking for your car.
8.. For ski boot simulation at home, put a pebble in your street shoes and
tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
7.. Buy a pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
6.. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $6.50 for a hamburger. Be sure
to wait in the longest line.
5.. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle
fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
4.. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a
snowstorm and you're following an 18 wheeler.
3.. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast
your face. You'd almost believe you're skiing in front of a snowmaker!
2.. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them
off because you have to go to the bathroom.
1.. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday.