There's One, Only!

PGHA: Terrorist Spotting.

Hello boys and girls. Due to increasing government control over the internet, and blogging in particular, many of the large traffic sites may soon be required to provide public service announcements. And even though that could never apply to There's One, Only!, I thought that I'd get in a little practice anyways.

Today's Public Service Announcement is brought to you by the fine people at Bob's Butchers, catering to the hunting community since last Friday. Our motto: You Kill 'Em, We Grill 'Em!

How To Spot A Terrorist

Spotting a terrorist can be very tricky. Sometimes what you think is a terrorist is a perfectly normal, and/or harmless person. Sometimes they're not. That is why we've put together this handy little guide to help you spot Islamic Terrorists.

If you see someone taking pictures of a National Monument, that's probably a tourist.

If you see someone taking pictures of a Nuclear Power Plant or Chemical Storage facility, that person could be a terrorist.

If you see someone walking towards you with a gun in each hand and wearing a funny, wide-brimmed hat, that's probably a Texan.

If you see someone walking towards you with a gun in each hand and their not wearing a funny wide-brimmed hat, that person could be a terrorist.

If someone ties you to a chair and threatens to tear your fingernails out until you say that Americans are Imperialist Pigs, that person is a terrorist.

If someone sits you down in a chair and gives your fingernails a nice buffing and trims your cuticles a little bit, that person is a manicurist.

If someone comes to your house and tries to kill you in the name of Allah, that person could be a terrorist.

If someone comes to your house and tries to take your money in the name of Washington, D.C., that person is probably a tax collector. Not much of an improvement, really.

If someone wants to take the head of a dead animal and mounts it on a plaque, that person is a taxidermist.

If someone wants to kill you because you just had bacon with your breakfast, that person could be a terrorist ...or from PETA.

If someone comes up to you and tells you that alcohol is evil and bad for you, and that you shouldn't drink it for those reasons, that person is a teetotaler.

If someone comes up to you and tells you that alcohol is evil and bad and that they are going to kill you because you just drank a beer, that person is a terrorist.

If a person walks up to you with a large bomb strapped to their chest, and the detonator in their hand, that person is a terrorist.

If someone walks up to you with a funny, five-stringed instrument with a big circle at one end and the skinny end in hid hand, that person is a banjo player. Shoot on sight!

I hope that this public service announcement has been of some small help to those of you out there who are having trouble spotting terrorists.