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PGHA: The French Riots

I was able to get an inside scoop on what's going on over in France. Or at least an inside scoop on why the riots are happening. An old friend of Slinky the Wonder Ferret* managed to get a copy of the Manifesto being issued by the leaders of the rioters.

A Declaration of Violence

We the poor, underappreciated, downtrodden yet rightful rulers of France declare that no longer will we let ourselves be subject to the Unlawful oppression of the French Oppressors. We will no longer let the elected leaders of a country that should by all rights be ours so flagrantly flaunt our wishes. You have ignored us at your own peril, and now you must reap the fruits of your inaction.

When we made our pleas, you didn't listen. When we threatened, well... you ran away, but without doing what we really wanted you to do. Now that we have erupted with a righteous violence, you must do what we say!

For too long this blasphemy has gone on. And now you have no choice but to subject yourselves to our commands! This is your final chance. If you do not acquiesce, we will have no other option but to take things to the next level. And you don't want to know what that is.

So we are warning you for the very last time. In Allah's name, all Jerry Lewis movies must be taken off the air!

You know, after reading something like that, I almost have to side with the rioters... nah. No matter how bad a movie is, it's no excuse to burn and loot a city. Now a Football Team...?

* This old friend was a member of the Swiss Special Forces, and Slinky saved him from an avalanche in the Swiss Alps. Apparently, the man lost his Swiss Army knife and was helpless without it untill Slinky showed up to help him. What Slinky was doing in the Alps, I've never been able to figure out. He didn't invite me along... not that I'd have been able to go anyways, what with my work schedule and all.

Posted by GEBIV at November 9, 2005 02:54 PM | TrackBack