February 01, 2006

PGHA: Hamas' First 100 Days

So, now that Hamas is an election winning governmental power over the Palestinians, a little birdie told me what they hope to accomplish in their first 100 days in power.

Terrorists Without Borders - Hamas doesn't want to kill all the Jews in Isreal. Now that they have authority, they plan on expanding to wanting to kill all the Jews in the world. (All the Jews in the United States were already tentatively penciled into their plans.)

Organized Soccer - Hamas plans on reaching out to the young people of the area by creating youth soccer leagues. There, the young men and women (wearing burkas) will learn good sportsmanship and athletic skills. And in the Inter-faith matches with young Israelis, they can blow themselves up as soon as they get close enough to the goalie! In fact, it should be fun for all ages.

Bombs For Food - Anticipating the withdrawal of American monetary support for the Palestinian government, Hamas has instituted a program to help determine who gets the remaining aid (primarily given by other Islamic nations... and France). Basically, unless you have a family member -no less than twice removed- blow themselves up while killing Israelis, your family doesn't receive any aid.

And finally, to soften their image of being a bunch of fanatical dark-green headband wearing Jew haters, they will be changing over to pastel green headbands. With light blue for away games.

Posted by GEBIV at February 1, 2006 07:49 PM | TrackBack
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