July 07, 2004

Kerry Picks Edwards for Veep?

I finally figured out why Kerry picked Edwards. He figures that this might be another close race, and the Democrats will need to go to court and sue to win the elections. In that case, he’ll need an experienced trial lawyer on his team to wear down the courts until they just give him the Presidency.

Apparently, Edwards has an uncanny ability to truly empathize with and sympathetically portray the plaintiffs in his lawsuits. And Kerry believes that this would be the key to winning the necessary court battles.

Edwards: (in a whiny, wheedling voice) But your Honors, we were disenfranchised… Our votes didn’t count… The only fair thing would be to say John Kerry won… He’s the one we wanted to be President…

And then, if John/John actually won the Presidency, they would be able to use Edwards’ expertise to go around any problems that Congress might give them.

Kerry: Stupid Congress. They won’t raise all of the taxes I want them to.

Edwards: Don’t worry boss. I’ve got it covered…


Bailiff: Supreme Court now in session. Case number 99999999, The poor people of the United States vs. The Selfish, Rich People of the United States.

Edwards: Your Honor’s, I intend to prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the selfish, rich people have been maliciously hoarding their money instead of allowing the benevolent United States Federal Government to use that money to help the poor and downtrodden. The poor are asking for punitive damages of $5000 from every American with an income of over…

Posted by GEBIV at July 7, 2004 05:50 PM

A trial lawyer. I can't wait to see what kind of dirt gets dug up on this guy.

Posted by: Harvey at July 8, 2004 01:27 PM

Hmmm... been a few days.

I hope your meat-world life isn't interfering with your blogging :-)

Posted by: Harvey at July 12, 2004 10:06 AM

Now I'm going to have nightmares...

Vote Kerry/Edwards: because taxes are good!

Posted by: Susie at July 14, 2004 01:24 AM
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