Washington, DC. – Scientists this week have discovered the actual cause of the theory of “Global Warming.” In a shocking scientific breakthrough, key environmental and physiological researchers have put forth a compilation of data, which proves that “Global Warming” is actually all a matter of perspective.
Or more specifically, it is a matter of perspective of roughly half the population. Lars Nordquest, leading researcher, explains. “Of the over 78 million baby boomers, roughly half of them are women. Giving us approximately 39 million women going through, or close to going through menopause. To put it in a nutshell, all of those women are always complaining that they are too hot. And then when actual temperature measurements are made near them, the hot flashes often disrupt the very delicate thermometers. But mostly, it’s all in their heads.”
When questioned as to whether this was merely a chauvinistic approach to a world problem, he replied. “Not really. Just because someone is thinks that it’s hotter or colder than it used to be when they were kids doesn’t mean that it really is. And women are just more likely to complain about that kind of thing.”
“Hey, if women want to blame the fact that they can’t sleep comfortably on climate change, fine. Just don’t go waking me up.”
On a related note, futures speculation on hormone replacement pharmaceutical companies has risen from an opening bid of $21 a share to over $78.