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PGHA: October Surprise

Kerry predicts DOOM if not elected.

AP News, Washington D.C.- At a speech given earlier today, John F. Kerry, professional Vietnam Veteran, Presidential Candidate and sometimes U.S. Senator, made a statement which many media pundits are claiming is his October Surprise.

“I’m through with pandering to the swing voter. I’m done with promising this and that to everyone without getting any votes in return. Enough is enough. If you won’t vote for me because I promise to give you goodies, maybe you little peons will respond to threats.

“As of hear and now, I am calling upon my Salem witch ancestors to bring a curse upon the land. If George W Bush is re-elected I will blot out the sun and the moon and cause a pestilence to spread throughout the nation.

“To prove my powers, tonight during the World Series, I will cause a great shadow to fall across the moon. This is just a warning, so the moon will come back tonight. But if you fail to elect me on November 2nd, the sun and the moon will be forever banished from the republic, and a plague of 60 days and 60 nights will descend upon the people.

“Remember, this can only be avoided if you elect me the President of the United States. If not there will be doom. DOOM!”

The Bush campaign has responded that the Lunar Eclipse scheduled for tonight is a purely natural phenomenon, and is absolutely no indication of supernatural powers by either candidate. They also stressed that the occurrence of the Eclipse is not a sign of the Apocalypse.

However, when pressed on the issue, they couldn’t rule out the fact that the Red Sox winning the World Series might actually be one of the signs mentioned in the Bible in the book of Revelations. One un-named source from the President’s campaign was quoted “We can all hope that the curse of the Bambino continues, and that the end of the world as we know it is not at hand.”

Posted by GEBIV at October 27, 2004 06:20 PM