September 21, 2005

PGHA: Gitmo Hunger Strike

I heard that some of the detainees in Gitmo have started to go on a hunger strike. The reporting in the MSM is that this is all in protest of prison conditions that don't conform to the Geneva Convention. Of course the fact that their actions didn't conform to the Geneva Convention don't factor into any of their thinking.

Well, I thought that the Media explanation of the hunger strike was a little bit too much in line with MSM thinking to be a coincidence, so I decided to dig a little deeper to find out the real reasons why they were refusing food. So I cashed in a few of my imaginary frequent flyer miles (I often scrunch myself into a small chair in a closet with a packet of peanuts, a swinging boot on a string kicking the back of the chair while a tape of random children screaming plays, with the vacuum running outside the door; to pretend that I'm flying all around the world.)

So, a short time later, I found myself outside the prison compound at Gitmo. At first, when they saw my computer bag, the guards were a little leery of letting me in. But then I explained that I was a blogger, and that I was there to prove the Media wrong. Immediately, two soldiers hoist me up on their shoulders and carried me into the compound. A small brass band started playing as I was carried down a red carpet to meet the commander of the base.

When I had explained what I was there to do, he was very helpful. At first he offered to give me a guided tour of the facility, but I wanted to make sure that there was no chance of anyone thinking that I was unduly influenced, so I declined. After being issued a small pointy stick for personal protection, they let me into the area where the hunger striking prisoners were living.

Several hours later, I had quite a few answers. Aside from the large component of terrorists who were protesting the fact that they had lost the headlines in the MSM, there were some surprising reasons behind the strikes.

One group of terrorists were protesting the Burger King Ice Cream Cones.

Another few terrorists were actually claiming that they had never really bought into the whole religious diet thing, and weren't going to eat another bite until they got some bacon and a couple of ham sandwiches.

There were also some others protesting the diet. They said that they were raised on traditional Mid-Eastern food, and they complained that the food fed to them at Gitmo didn't contain enough sand. (One of them was actually afraid that if he didn't feel the grinding sensation while he ate, that his teeth would grow untill they pierced his brain and killed him. When I pointed out that not eating wasn't going to make his teeth stop growing either, he quickly started scrabbling around on the floor looking for some dirt to eat.)

Two of the terrorists were protesting the cancelation of "Desperate Housewives." When I explained to them that it was merely the end of the season, and not the end of the series, they called off their strike.

And one rather confused terrorist was refusing food so that his rations could be donated to the relief efforts helping the people displaced by Hurricane Katrina. I patted him on the shoulder and told him to keep up the good work. I figured it may have been the only good thing he had done in his life...

Posted by GEBIV at September 21, 2005 10:35 PM | TrackBack

some friends told me about this site, and now i'm glad they told me about it. love create con - that is all that mistery is capable of: , Compute Win Loose - that is all that Slot is capable of when plane is corner it will destroy table , Plane will Slot unconditionally white corner becomes greedy grass in final

Posted by: joshua anderson at December 3, 2005 08:51 PM
Post a comment

Remember personal info?