September 28, 2005

PGHA: A New Secretary General

Even though he doesn't seem to have any intention of stepping down from his position, someday Kofi Annan will be replaced as the Secretary General of the United Nations. The question then becomes; who will replace Annan at that post?

But Kofi Annan has so many different qualities, how could you replace him with just one person? The replacement chosen would have to be picked to follow in his footsteps in at least one of Annan's strengths.

For example, if you wished to emulate his ability to head a bureaucracy, incapable of actually accomplishing anything, you would appoint an inanimate carbon rod. A piece of equipment used to absorb neutrons and thereby inhibit nuclear reactions would have no trouble keeping the bureaucracy of the U.N. at a standstill.

If you were looking for someone to continue along Kofi Annan's lines of incessantly blocking anything that could possibly be beneficial to the United States, you would have to look long and hard to find a better candidate than Ms. Cindy Sheehan. Whether it's protesting America's involvement in Iraq, or accusing America of causing hurricanes that focus on poor people, Ms. Sheehan is your woman.

Of course, if you're seeking a replacement for the person responsible for U.N. troops who rape, loot, and make child pornography videos... well let's just say that that man is already applying for the job. And his initials are W. J. C.

If you want to find someone with the same amount of haughtiness and arrogance, you might have to go overseas. I'm pretty sure that Jacques Chirac stays at home in Paris as much as possible. You know, so as to not have to associate with undesirables.

Finally, you may want someone to continue the unabashed Anti-Semitism that runs throughout the U.N. For that position, you could choose Louis Farrakhan (also a contender for the Anti-American position), Al Sadr, or Ms. Sheehan again (the Jooos caused the war in Iraq, you know).

All in all, I'd opt for the inanimate carbon rod. At least with the U.N. doing nothing, they aren't causing any problems.

Posted by GEBIV at September 28, 2005 07:17 PM | TrackBack
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