February 15, 2006

PGHA: Nobel Stache Prize

Here's some of reasons why I think John Bolton should receive the Nobel Peace Prize.

Incredibly Inane Information about John Bolton.

* When John Bolton combs out his mustache, he finds enough crumbs to feed several third-world nations.

* John Bolton recently discovered the vaccine against being crippled. Well, he stopped randomly punching people, which amounts to the same thing.

* When he's angry, John Bolton's mustache bristles with enough static electricity to power several large cities or a small country. He currently supplies the energy needs for Liechtenstein and Bavaria.

* John Bolton's steely gaze can cause a man's head to explode. By oversleeping each morning, he spares all the occupants of the 6:47 B-line subway. It's a shame about the riders of the 9:29 though...

* John Bolton discovered the only thing in nature harder than diamond - his fist.

* John Bolton brought a dead kitten to life by rubbing it with his mustache. Too bad the static discharge incinerated it moments later.

* John Bolton can't walk on water. That's because water is afraid of him and moves away from his feet. John Bolton became the first person to walk across the bed of the East River that way.

* John Bolton can cure hiccups. If your head doesn't explode first.

* When informed that he was selected as a nominee for the Nobel Prize, John Bolton said of the selection committee, "I like them. I'll kill them last."

* John Bolton lied about that.

* John Bolton has had two number one pop singles... oh wait, that was Michael Bolton.

(This has been a Precision Guided Humor Assignment.)

Posted by GEBIV at February 15, 2006 08:33 PM | TrackBack
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