March 15, 2006

PGHA: Terrorist Advice

It's Wednesday, and do you know what that means? That's right. A new Mythbusters is on Discovery tonight! (They're going to test weather or not cell phones mess with plane instruments and if you can fly with a helium filled rubber raft. Personally, I wouldn't think that you'd have to do a whole segment on the raft part... just do the math on weight displacement. Besides, the Kid with Balloons episode showed the shear volume needed to suspend just a small kid... but I believe I've digressed enough already.) However, even more important than a new Mythbusters episode is that it is time for...

Another Precision Guided Humor Assignment!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As we MuNuvians say. Yay!

So, this week Harvey asks, "Who could give President Bush good advice on fighting terrorists, and what would they tell him to do?" This of course is in response to all those idiotarians on the West Coast telling the President how to run the War on Terror. You know, because they once played a role in a movie that was being shot in a country that had terrorists... somewhere on the same continent.

I thought about it for a while and managed to narrow down to two candidates; who I thought, based on past performance, would be the best to give advice to the President in the matter of fighting terrorists.

Chuck Norris and Chomps, the world's angriest dog.

Then, once I decided who I'd want advice from, I got them together and in an interview asked each of them a series of questions about terrorism and terrorists.

GEBIV: Thank you both for allowing me to interview you. I've got just three questions that I'll be asking and then I won't take up any more of your time. First, Mr. Norris, what would you do about the terrorists planning to attack the United States?

Chuck: I'd seek them out and give each of them a roundhouse kick to the head.

GEBIV: Isn't that a bit lenient?

Chuck: You think that severing someone's head and propelling it over a mile is lenient? I think I like you.

GEBIV: Uh, that's good. Now Chomps, same question.

(Translation: Kill them all! Kill them! Crush their bones!)

Chuck: I think I like this dog too.

GEBIV: Ok, what do think about the terrorists trying to derail the fledgling government in Iraq?

Chuck: Almost the same thing as I'd do to the terrorists trying to attack the U.S. Only I'd probably use my left leg this time... just so the pile of heads doesn't get too big on one end of the planet, causing a shift in the Earths orbit.

(Translation: But Chuck, the planet doesn't have an end. It's a sphere. Unless you are referring to the poles of course, in which case your pile of heads could cause a tectonic shift.)

Chuck: I stand corrected, Chomps. That's never happened before. You impress me.

Chomps: BARK!
(Translation: Thank you Chuck. That means a lot coming from you.)

GEBIV: Gentlemen, if I may get back on topic? Chomps, your answer to the terrorists in Iraq.

(Translation: Bite off their privates and shove them up-

GEBIV: I think I can tell where you're going with that. No need to get too descriptive.

Chuck: You know, I think I really like this dog.

GEBIV: Ok then. Last question. What do you think of the President's interception of communications between terrorists and their inside the U.S. contacts. Should this fall under domestic wiretapping laws, or under military/foreign intelligence guidelines?

Chuck: Clearly, this has been blown out of proportion for political reasons. I belive the answer to this is a swift punch to the head.

GEBIV: For the terrorist's contacts?

Chuck: No. For the people who are saying that this is a domestic spying program.

(Translation: I agree Chuck. Although I think that a good bite to the lower leg would work as well.)

Chuck: Hmmm... yes. That would be a good alternative.

GEBIV: Again, thank you both. You were very kind to allow me to interview you. And I'd especially like to thank Chomps for not rending me limb from limb. And you too Mr. Norris for not kicking me in the head.

(Translation: As long as you keep the steaks coming. You probably won't be harmed.

Chuck: Yeah, what Chomps said.

Posted by GEBIV at March 15, 2006 09:53 PM | TrackBack

Chomps knows about plate tectonics?... Cool! :-)

Posted by: Harvey at March 16, 2006 04:47 PM

You do realize that Chomps is simply a mass of clippings from Chuck Norris' beard, right?

Posted by: Steve the Pirate at March 17, 2006 06:18 AM

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Posted by: vqigfmdc at May 25, 2006 05:44 AM

So I wonŇt go to MacyŇs any more more more

Posted by: casino-affiliate-program at May 27, 2006 05:19 AM

My mind thought of only one thing now. I pulled off those panties in one quick movement, exposing those tight lips of hers. As fast as I could my clothes became a pile on the ground, my cock stuck straight out, begging to for that pussy of hers. I came close to her, kneeling just a tad and brushing the tip against her soft mouth. Opening her mouth I inched my cock pass her lips, over her tongue, into her throat. She looked so lovely, sitting naked on the cold floor. I pushed into her throat and pulled out, letting her saliva moisten my rod. I ran my fingers through her hair. I pulled out, her mouth stayed open, tempting me to put it back in. No, I took her shoulders and laid her on her back. I lied down on top of her, where I guided my cock into her shaved cunt. I pushed those lips open, pushing into that wet hole of hers. I started fucking her like mad. Pushing into her, deeper and deeper, pushing her whole body forward against the cold tiles. A soft moan escaped her mouth, along with her whispering the name Tommy. She started panting, her breasts rising up and down. I kept going in and out, ready to explode at any minute. My true mind got the better of me. I stopped what I was doing and looked at this panting beauty. I didn’t want to get her pregnant. I had enough since to pull out of her but not to stop fucking her. I flipped her onto her back. I spat on my cock and got it even more juiced up. With my legs I spread hers open. I knelt in between them and took hold of her hips, raising her ass to the air. My hard cock poked her tight little ass hole. I didn’t work my way into it, I just pushed with my cock and pulled her ass with my hand. I squeezed right into that little ass of her. Her face rested on her cheek. She made this odd face, a mix of pain and wonder. I fucked that ass of hers. Pulling that ass into me, feeling the sensation of her warm little hole. The sweat started rolling down my face, falling to her arched back. She started to moan in pain, “Tommy…” This isn’t Tommy, I thought, this is your new fuck buddy. I felt it climbing through my cock to the head, the need to finish. I started pumping harder and faster, making her face pucker harder. I pulled her deep into me, far as I could and let my load go somewhere into her body. I lied there a bit out of breath on top of her. I leaned forward and gave her another kiss. No response.

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