March 31, 2006

Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn's Weekend

Boy, sometimes I just don't understand these requests that Harvey makes. This week, he's curious about Evil Glenn's weekend activities. Specifically, Harvey asks: Besides boiling down corpses in turpentine, what else does Evil Glenn think makes for "an exciting weekend"?

What is this "weekend" thing that they're talking about? The closest I can figure is every 5 days or so, all the regular people I work with seem to disappear for a couple days, and some different ones show up. Is that this "weekend" of which everyone speaks?

Anyways, since I was stumped right from the get go on this assignment, I decided to go straight to the horse's mouth. So to speak. I'm not saying that Evil Glenn is a horse.... or am I?

So. I called Evil Glenn on his insta-phone. (He never answers if he thinks it's me, but I rewired an old toaster into my phone to give it a false caller-ID.)

Evil Glenn: Hello. Evil Glenn Industries. How may I torment you today?

GEBIV: Hi. I'm a reporter from the Free-range hobo hunting magazine, "Field and Screams." And I'd like to ask you a few questions for our readers.

Evil Glenn: Wait a second. You're not a reporter. You're that Jeep freak, GEBIV. Aren't you?

GEBIV: No I'm not!

Evil Glenn: Yes you are. Your name is right there in the transcript.

GEBIV: Darnit! I forgot to hook up my transcript falsifier.

Evil Glenn: Did you make your's from a can of crisco and a shop-vac motor?

GEBIV: No way. Those mark-4's are obsolete. I used a solar-powered calculator circuit board and two tobasco Slim Jims™. But I'm not calling to trade tech tips with you. I need you to answer a question for me. What are you doing to make your "weekend" exiting?

Evil Glenn: Well, it goes against everything I stand for, but I'm feeling a little magnanimous right now. Probably from the last batch of beagle shakes I had. Those little guys are so peppy!

GEBIV: Uh... that's more than I wanted to know, and unfortunately still not what I need. What are you doing for the "weekend?"

Evil Glenn: The same thing I do every weekend!

GEBIV: Try to take over the world?

Evil Glenn: No. Put on my favorite "Hello Kitty" things and dance around the house singing medleys of show-tunes. This weekend is "Hello Dolly" week!

GEBIV: ......

Evil Glenn: Anything else I can do for you?

GEBIV: Um... no, that's all right. I've just got to go scrub my brain with a brillo pad now.

There you have it. That's what Evil Glenn does for and exciting "weekend".

Now, could someone just explain to me what's so special about these "weekends"?

Posted by GEBIV at March 31, 2006 10:53 PM | TrackBack
Post a comment

Remember personal info?