July 05, 2006

PGHA: Stupid Protester Tricks

Wow, what'll they think of next? Here we've got modern hunger strikes that don't involve not eating food. Either the strike is a rolling hunger strike where it gets passed off to another person every 24 hours, or it could be a "no solid food" hunger strike. Which means you could toss bacon and eggs into a blender and have breakfast without actually breaking your fast. Mmmmm.... blended bacon....

So all of this leads to the question: In addition to "fasts" that don't exclude food, what other half-hearted, watered-down protest techniques will hip-and-trendy anti-war protesters be using this summer?

Well, just as they are emulating Caesar Chavez and Gandhi's historic hunger strikes with "Operation Rolling Hunger" they will be emulating other famous protesters from throughout history.

In emulation of the United States Founding Fathers, they will be re-enacting their own version of the Boston Tea Party by pouring out -onto President Bush's Crawford Ranch driveway- nearly an ounce, each, of their Starbucks Mocha-Latte-Half Milk, Half Cream-Pinch of Cinnamon-Extra Whipped Cream-Grande Cappuccinos.

Following the example of the Buddhist Monks who would self-immolate in protest of the Vietnamese Government, many Hollywood protesters are leaving their curling irons on for an entire extra minute. Giving themseves that "slightly singed, but my hair's still better than your's" look.

Walking in the footsteps of Martin Luther King's historic march on Washington, D.C. -figuratively, if not literally- they will be marching, arm in arm, all the way to where the President's security detail made them park their limos and tour busses.

Showing the same courage that was displayed by the student protester in Tienemen Square who refused to back down for a line of tanks, the Hollywood elite will take turns standing in front of a parked '87 Ford Escort that has BUSH=HITLER written on it.

And reflecting the same belief in things greater than their own personal well being that Patrick Henry immortalized with his statement of "Give me Liberty, or give me death!" the protesters will be chanting "Iraqi's Freedoms aren't worth dying for!"

Posted by GEBIV at July 5, 2006 09:12 PM | TrackBack
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