June 30, 2006
The Calm After The Storm
Whew. That was an interesting hour or so. We just had a thunderstorm roll through Western New York, coming in from the North-West and heading South-East. Lots of lightning and rain and a bit of hail.
And then, right in the middle of it, I got a call at work from my Uncle who works a bit North-West of here. He had just seen a tornado go by...
A few minutes after he called, the radio also reported a tornado touched down. And that it was headed in my general direction.
Well, we told all the customers coming in what was going on, and kept an eye on the clouds and rain coming in from the North-West. Fortunately, the storm eventually passed, and no tornado. In fact, we didn't even get much wind.
Not everyone was so lucky. As I type, the Thruway is practically shut down because of an overturned trailer draped across the median, blocking traffic in both directions. Near that, a construction trailer was blow completely into the middle of one of the major roads in the area. Plus there are a bunch of other storm related accidents all over the area. (Not to mention the holiday traffic...)
But now the sun is out and the birds are singing. All that's missing is a nice rainbow. (Unfortunately, the sun is too high in the sky to produce a good rainbow.)
More storms forecast over this weekend though...
June 28, 2006
PGHA: World Peas
Boy, Harvey asked a weird question this week. What is the biggest threat to world peas?
Well, after a lot of thought, I'd have to say the Jolly Green Giant. I mean look, you've got these happy little peas living in their pod. Not bothering anyone. Not doing anything but sit there... maybe humming a happy little tune or something.
And then comes along this strangly pigmented man with a thyroid problem (or something) who scoops them up and crams them into a can to be sold in a supermarket. And why?
It can't be because anyone actually likes to eat peas! They taste like... mush. (Unless you put so much butter on them that all you can taste is butter. Which kind of defeats the point of eating a vegetable in the first place.) Even my Dad's old dog used to spit them out. And she'd eat anything. (Trust me on this. You really don't want to know details.)
And I've never seen convincing data that shows that peas are good for you. (They never account for all of the peas that get shoved under napkins or smashed into subatomic particles with the back of a spoon. Everyone says they eat the peas... but do they?) So you can't try to sell me on that old story.
So I say it's time to stop the Jolly Green Giant and leave the peas in the fields. It's where they belong and where they want to be.
June 24, 2006
Well, I may be overworked and crazy...
But at least I still remember all of my 8th grade math skills!
| You Passed 8th Grade Math |
 |
(I don't remember where I found this... it's been sitting in the draft folder for a few days.)
June 19, 2006
Another long day at work
But I did manage to finish it with "Seven Bridges Road"-Eagles, "Free Bird"-Lynyrd Skynyrd, "Shambala"-Three Dog Night, and "God Bless the USA"-Lee Greenwood.
So I'd have to say that it wasn't a total loss.
June 16, 2006
Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn's Father's Day
The same thing he does every year. Sit in front of his computer, hitting the [Refresh] button on his e-mail. Waiting for the Blog-Father's Day card that never comes...
*Click*
Still no card...
June 15, 2006
PGHA: Armageddonist Alarms
In the twenty years since Chernobyl, the worlds worst nuclear accident, there has been:
* A 25% increase in Godzilla sightings.
* An AMERICAN won the Tour De France... SEVEN TIMES!
* IN A ROW!!!
* A Texan was elected President of The United States!
* Twice!
* IN A ROW!!!
* Michael Jackson went from being a rich black guy to being a poor white 'guy'.
* The earth has been destroyed several times (in different movies).
* The blogosphere spontaneously brought itself into existence.
* Only be taken over by a Robot-dancing, penguinophile, hobo murdering, puppy-blender.
* Talking lizards have started selling car insurance!
It's the end of the world as we know it!
(This has been a Precision Guided Humor Assignment.)
June 08, 2006
PGHA: Raising Money for Michael Moore
Well, I was sitting there on the couch, trying to ignore the nagging voice that said I wasn't getting my PGHA done on time, and just flipping through the channels. Then I saw something so bizarre on PBS that I had to stop channel surfing for a moment.
*CLICK*
Ryan: And we'll be right back with "Zippo, the Little Lighter that Could" in a few moments. But in the meantime, we need your help.
Collin: Absolutely! We need you to give to the most noble of charities... feeding the hungry. Or at least one hungry man.
Ryan: That's right. After loosing a recent court case, Michael Moore has barely enough of his personal fortune left to put food on his plate.
Collin: Did you know that he has fifteen mouths to feed?
Ryan: Wow! I had no idea that his family was that large.
Collin: Well actually, it's the equivalent of 15 mouths that he has to feed. He actually eats as much as fifteen fully grown adults.
Ryan: Heh. I wonder how many children that would equal?
Collin: Twenty three.
Ryan:....
Collin: You asked.
Ryan: Anyways. We've got over two dozen celebrities here to answer phones for the donations they you'll so generously be sending. They've graciously donated their time so that you can have the thrill of talking to someone famous... That and they're all between projects right now.
Collin: Now you may ask, why don't they just give the money we need to feed Mr. Moore. Frankly, most of them are just living paycheck to paycheck themselves.
Ryan: Do you know how much it takes to maintain a fleet of limos?
Collin: Not to mention the cost of air-conditioning their mansions while they're not even home.
Ryan: Stop. Stop. You're breaking my heart. Now we'll have to organize another telethon to help them. But we have to help Mr. Moore first. Please can't you find it in your heart to donate ten thousand dollars or so? That's what it takes to pay for one days worth of Twinki's for poor Mr. Moore.
Collin: And if you can't give that little, a gift of only five thousand dollars will help pay for one meal's worth of bacon. So please, give what you can.
*CLICK*
On second thought. I decided that I'd rather not watch any more TV.
June 05, 2006
Presidential Poll
I did an informal poll today of the voices in my head, on who they would like to see as the next President of the United States.
In a survey of 1527 voices, there were 1525 responding, one abstaining and once just barking like a dog.
Condaleeza Rice came out way ahead with a solid 61% (930). George Allen had a good showing of 31% (472). And John McCain came in a distant third with 8% (122).
Hillary Clinton, surpisingly managed to get a vote from one of the voices, (we don't talk to that one any more) but it wasn't enough to garner a whole percentage point.
Early results had Allen in the lead until one of the voices came up with the idea of Condi campaigning as an Amazon Warrior Goddess. A sizable portion of the voices quickly switched over to her camp immediately.
The Hillary supporter tried to counter with a similar campaign for Clinton. However, it completely backfired as it actually cost Hillary several votes and almost pushed her off the poll entirely.
So there you have it. Our results show that Condi should have a good campaign providing she leans heavily on the whole Warrior Goddess theme in the run up to 2008.
June 03, 2006
Filthy Lie: June 6, 2006 (6/6/6)
From what I have been able to discover of Evil Glenn's plans for this Numeralogically Evil Day, Evil Glenn intends to spend the whole day playing the most diabolical, fiendishly cruel, demonically inspired numeralogical game ever devised.
June 01, 2006
PGHA: MacBeth
Well, Harv wanted to know if there was anything else about Jesse MacBeth that we didn't know about...
And after some exhaustive... (or is that exhausting?) research, I came up with this little bit of MacBeth's past.
During the summer of 1985, MacBeth traveled back to 1955 in his best friend's Delorean time machine. While there, he managed to make sure that his parent's met and fell in love and foiled another time-traveler's attempt to remake the future. Then, he went even farther back in time to 1885 and helped capture a notorious outlaw.
Somewhere along the line, he invented the skate-board and changed the face of Rock and Roll forever.
... Oh wait, that was Marty McFly? Oops, my bad.
I guess I've got nothing new on MacBeth then... Other than that rumor that he killed the rightfull king of Scotland. But that's only if you take that Shakespear guy's word for it.