There's One, Only!

Always follow your blogfather's advice

At Harvey's suggestion, I set up Site Meter on my archive pages. He noticed that Site Meter was not tracking anyone who was only looking at archived posts. Apparently, this meant that I was loosing a lot of traffic.

Well, after a little less than a day, I finally figured out what I was doing wrong while following Site Meter's incredibly easy instructions, and got it working.

My per hour traffic nearly tripled!

So, anyone reading this. Take Harvey's advice! Make sure that you are getting all the traffic count you are really earning.

(Hmmm.. I wonder, if I put Site Meter on the front page two times, will it double my traffic numbers?)

The Gettysburg Address

The Gettysburg Address

Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth upon this continent a new nation: conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war. . .testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated. . . can long endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war.

We have come to dedicate a portion of that field as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate. . .we cannot consecrate. . . we cannot hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember, what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here.

It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us. . .that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion. . . that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain. . . that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom. . . and that government of the people. . .by the people. . .for the people. . . shall not perish from the earth.

-Abraham Lincoln

A song for Memorial Day Weekend.

Arlington

I never thought that this is where I'd settle down,
I thought I'd die an old man back in my hometown,
They gave me this plot of land, me and some other men, for a job well done,
There's a big white house sits on a hill just up the road,
The man inside he cried the day they brought me home,
They folded up a flag and told my mom and dad, we're proud of your son

And I'm proud to be on this peaceful piece of property,
I'm on sacred ground and I'm in the best of company,
I'm thankful for those thankful for the things I've done,
I can rest in piece, I'm one of the chosen ones,
I made it to Arlington.

I remember daddy brought me here when I was eight,
We searched all day to find out where my granddad lay,
And when we finally found that cross,
He said, "Son this is what it cost to keep us free."
Now here I am, a thousand stones away from him,
He recognized me on the first day I came in,
And it gave me a chill when he clicked his heels, and saluted me.

And I'm proud to be on this peaceful piece of property,
I'm on sacred ground and I'm in the best of company,
I'm thankful for those thankful for the things I've done,
I can rest in piece, I'm one of the chosen ones,
I made it to Arlington.

And every time I hear twenty-one guns,
I know they brought another hero home to us

We're thankful for those thankful for the things we've done,
We can rest in peace, 'cause we are the chosen ones,
We made it to Arlington.

Yeah, dust to dust,
Don't cry for us,
We made it to Arlington.

- Trace Adkins

Yay!

My grandmother was released from the hospital earlier this afternoon. She improved so well, that they let her go home three days earlier than their initial estimate.

Thanks for everyone who prayed for her!

Dining Zen

Another long day at work today, so it was Chinese Take-Out for lunch. Which everybody knows means...

Fortune Cookies!

And today's fortune is:

All happiness
is in the mind.
Lucky Numbers 10, 11, 25, 33, 34, 38

Fitlhy Lie: Evil Glenn vs. Writer's Block

Every blogger dreads it. And nearly every one of us will be forced to face it some day. Writer's Block. In fact, we bloggers have our own term for a type of it. BEAL. Blogger Ennui Apathy & Lethargy. (I'm not sure if she coined the term, but Susie of Practical Penumbra seems to be the one who put it into common usage.)

BEAL is such a problem that it can even affect the giants of the Blogshpere. Frank J. of IMAO has been forced to battle it. Harvey of Bad Example has been held in it's clutches. John Hawkins of Right Wing News must suffer it from time to time. (I know I struggle with it on a daily basis. Not that I deserve to be in the same paragraph as these others. Well... maybe Harvey.)

But while BEAL can be deadly, it is Writer's Block which can be more frustrating. BEAL best summes up the feeling when you just don't have the desire to blog. Writer's Block is when you want to write (or blog) but can't think of anything to say, or how to say it.

And while I doubt that Evil Glenn has too many bouts of BEAL, surely he must have Writer's Block occasionally. There must be days that even though he wants to write, he just doesn't know what to write. So the question is:

What does Evil Glenn do when he has Writer's Block?

Those "Indeed"s, "Heh"s and "Hmm..."s don't just write themselves. Or do they?

My recent investigative research has uncovered an unusual thing. Just like Harvey has his Idea-Lemur Bosco, Evil Glenn has his three Idea-MiniHeifers; Indeed, Hmm..., and Heh. But what's really weird, is how Evil Glenn uses them. In contrast to Bosco, who pounds on Harvey's head until he posts, Evil Glenn plays a form of Cow bingo using his three Idea-MiniHeifers.

What he does, is spread out a few newspapers (local and national), some printouts of internet stories, and the printed transcripts of a few of the major news networks on the floor. Then, he turns the Idea-MiniHeifers loose. The tiny bovines wander around on the scattered papers, and each eventually, "picks" a story by competing its digestive cycle on a news item.

Here's a picture of the Idea-MiniHeifers in action.

(Click for bigger image.)

The best part of this system, is that the cows also provide Evil Glenn's commentary for him when he doesn't know what to type. If Glenn can't think of anything to say about the article, he merely links to it, possibly cut-and-pastes an excerpt, and notes which of the cows chose it.

That's why so many of his posts are done just that way. And you thought that Evil Glenn was just indicating his opinion in a concise way. In actuality, he doesn't know what to say, and is just indicating which cow's chip chose the story!

I guess it just goes to show, that a lot of the commentary and opinion on the internet is just a bunch of [OPERATION TIMED OUT]

The Real Men are not dead.

...but one of them is limping a little.

I just had a guy stop in at the station. He came into the store, limping a little and asked where the Gatorade™ was. As I pointed him to the right cooler, I noticed that his left kneecap was a little... chewed up.

I think I said "Ouch. That doesn't look very good."

His reply was something like, "Yeah, I cut it with a chainsaw, and I'm going to the doctor's to get it stitched up. You got any lighters?"

I then made a comment about how lucky he was. Something aoubt there being a lot of guys who were named "Stumpy" after playing with chainsaws. He chuckled and said that it wasn't too bad, he tried to bandage it himself, but opted for the stitches after his wife started screaming at him to go to the hospital.

I wished him good luck, as he walked out the door. He climbed into his truck, lit up a Marlboro, and drove away.

And I thought to myself. "There goes one tough guy."

Filthy Lie Mad-Lib 2

Since the last Mad-Lib was so much fun. I decided to try another. First, I filled in the blanks.

verb ending with -ing: blending
past tense verb: blogged
place (e.g., Cincinnati, the beach): the Blogsphere
adjective: Evil
type of pet: puppy
boy's name: Glenn
singular noun: hobo
past tense verb: murdered
animal (e.g., zebra): penguin
number: 14
number: 42
plural noun: bloggers

And the story is in the Extended Entry!

While I was blending to the bus after school, I saw a poster announcing that a pet show would be held the next day in the Blogsphere. I was so Evil! I couldn't wait to enter my pet puppy Glenn in the show.

The next morning at the pet show, Glenn balanced a big hobo on his nose. Then he murdered around three plastic bloggers. Suddenly, a big penguin bumped into Glenn. He blogged 14 feet in the air. The judge made a terrible face when he saw what happened so I didn't think Glenn would win. Imagine my surprise when he won the number 42 prize! I was happy to have a great puppy like Glenn.

An Apology

Earlier this week, I made a post with a generic romance novel scene. I was just goofing around trying to amuse myself, but somehow garnered the ire of some serious romance readers. And a few authors as well.

I want to say that I was not trying to ridicule the authors of this genre. I know that it takes lots of dedication, and not an inconsiderable amount of talent to write anything. Romance novels included. I do stand by the statement that they are cranked out by the millions. Just take a look at the bookshelves in your local department store or grocery. (If the store even sells books anymore.)

Along one side, there will be a section of top 10 or top 20 best sellers. Way over on the other end of the shelves, you might find a couple of Westerns, four or five Sci-Fi/Fantasy, maybe a half dozen Thrillers, and a Diet book. The entire rest of the 20 foot display will be Harlequin Romance style books.

Now, this does indicate that they are very popular. And I'm not going to argue that fact. It's just that personally, that style of book doesn't interest me very much.

I am a voracious reader. Sci-Fi and Fantasy mostly with the occasional Western or Military Novel. And I like having a little romance in the story as part of the sub-plots, but I couldn't read a novel that was designed entirely around the romance part. I have tried, and I usually put the book away less than a quarter of the way through.

After a bit of soul searching, the conclusion that I have come to is that... I'm a guy. The Romance Novel is the literary version of the "Chick Flick" (they are even occasionally based on one another), and like most guys, that isn't really what I'm interested in. I'm the same way about Soaps. Another very popular, long running form of Fiction that I would not watch unless my life depended on it.

But to all of those out there who are fans of these styles that I don't like, enjoy watching or reading them as much as your heart desires. If I have offended any of you ...think that you were only surfing the web as you slept, and that this was all a harmless Midspring night's dream. (Yes, I do read Shakespeare occasionally too.)

A Request

While my Father has recovered from his bout with the flu, my Grandmother's recovery was coming along a lot slower. So, earlier this morning she went to one of her doctors for another visit. He heard something that he didn't like, and sent her to the Emergency Room.

After what seemed like an awful long silence from my Aunt who took her there, she called and we finally found out that my Grandmother has pneumonia and is being admitted into the hospital.

I know that this is less severe than the heart disease that everyone started imagining when we were told that she was going to the E.R., but pneumonia is still a dangerous illness. So again, any prayers for her recovery would be greatly appreciated.

On a slightly lighter side, any get well cards emailed to me at vze3jcj8-at-verizon-dot-net will be printed up and forwarded.

PGHA: Newsweek

I was too busy this week to come up with what I thought should happen to Newsweek over their story about the Quran.

However, I was able to find the newest ad campaign for Newsweek.

Mad-Lib Fun!

One of the comments to yesterday's generic romance was to make it into a mad-lib. While that wasn't my initial intention, it did spark an idea. I searched around the net and found this fun little mad-lib site (for grades 3 and up, so I should fit in just fine!). I used this to make a mad-lib Filthy lie about Evil Glenn.

Here are the words that were asked for:

town: Nashville
adjective: evil
singular noun: blogger
number: 29
plural noun: hobos
adjective: tiny
singular noun: puppy
male: Evil Glenn
past tense verb: blogged
singular noun: hammer
female: Susie
adjective: fast
singular noun: blender
singular noun: tuna sandwich
singular noun: computer
past tense verb: ran
adjective: weak

And the story is in the extended entry!

Yesterday my class took a field trip to Nashville. We had a really evil time. The guide showed us one blogger, at least 29 hobos, and a very tiny puppy.

Evil Glenn had an accident. He blogged over the hammer and banged into Susie. She fell against a big fast blender and put her tuna sandwich through the computer. We all ran! The trip was even more weak than a day at school.

A Generic Romance

For a long time, I've wanted to be a professional writer. In fact, one of the reasons why I started this blog was to give myself a reason to write more often. I had hoped that it would improve my writing skills. (It was a good plan anyways)

But one of the things that I've recently heard is that many authors start out writing those trashy Harlequin Romance novels. For some reason unfathomable to me, there seems to be a nearly limitless demand for them. And so the publishing houses have scores of authors cranking them out by the bushel full. What makes this possible is that all of the books are nearly identical, and are written to a set formula.

Well, I thought that I should give that a try. So here is my submission for a generic trashy romance novel scene. Of course, I've never actually read one of them before, so I might be off by a little bit.

[Insert guy's name] looked deeply into [insert girl's name] deep [color] eyes. No longer could [girl's name]'s [family member] keep them apart. He swept her into his powerful arms and tenderly stroked her [length] [color] hair.

"Oh my darling [girl's name]. After I [dangerous mission to be done], your [family member] can have no objection to our love. At long last we can be together." He murmured into her ear.

[Girl's name] gazed up at [guy's name]. Her eyes drank in every feature of his face, as if she was afraid of never seeing him again. His dark [color] eyes, which flashed like [something dangerous and bright] when he was angry, but turned into [something soft] when he looked at her. His strong, rugged chin. (Every hero's chin is strong and rugged, so no options here.) His thick [color] hair. And the little scar on his [facial part] that she gave him the first time they met.

Finally [girl's name] gave in to her love. "Oh [guy's name]! I love you! And I am your's forever!"

[Guy's name] spun her to the [piece of furniture] tearing her [piece of clothing]. In an instant he was on the [furniture] next to her. Passionately, he kissed her [body part] as her hands started to remove his clothing.

"Oh [guy's name]!" [girl's name] cried out.

Well. What do you think? Trashy enough?

A lesson learned

You know how on the directions for using a weed-eater, they say to wear boots and eye protection?

Well, while sun-glasses are a fine substitute for safety glasses, a pair of shorts and leather sandals are not good substitutes for a pair of jeans and boots. If you don't believe the directions, take my word for it.

I have to go change the band-aid now...

Pool Party!

Started draining the pool today, the first step in getting it cleaned and ready for the swimming season.

Pool party at my place!

... in about a month.

Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn vs. Huffington

After reading what Harvey had said about Evil Glenn appearing on television opposite Arianna Huffington, I had to watch the video. And while viewing it, I couldn't help but get the same feeling that Harvey had. That Evil Glenn was going to be giving the Huffster the biggest smack down the net had ever seen.

But the question is, what will Evil Glenn do about Arianna Huffington and the Huffington Post?

Since I felt that on this issue, Evil Glenn and I would be in some form of agreement, (Huffington should be destroyed) I decided to go right to the source. So, steeling myself, I called the Puppy Blender.

*ring* *ring* *ring*

Evil Glenn: Hello, GEBIV.

Me: How did you know it was me?

Evil Glenn: Caller I.D. you twit.

Me: Oh, yeah. Anyways, the reason I called was-

Evil Glenn: To find out how I'm going to get Huffington and her Huffington Post.

Me: Wha...! How did you know that?

Evil Glenn: Mwa ha ha ha! I know everything!

Me: Even about the...

Evil Glenn: Yes.

Me: ... *shudder*

Evil Glenn: So, do you what to know what I'm going to do to her?

Me: All right. What's your diabolical plan?

Evil Glenn: Well, it's a multiple layered plan. My first step was to ignore her. I was hoping that the vile site would just wither on the vine and die. But since the "big media" was giving her so much publicity, that wasn't going to happen. However, by not wasting any of my time on her, she will be forced to use up all of her favors from the Main Stream Media just to get started. Once that happens, I'll move to stage two.

Me: What is that?

Evil Glenn: I Installanche her!

Me: Isn't that good?

Evil Glenn: Only if her servers can handle it. With Instapundit linking to every post and driving the traffic up, she'll be lucky if each page loads in less than half an hour. Then, with her bandwidth all used up, she will have to pay for more.

Me: Yeah, but won't that mean that she'll get more advertisers?

Evil Glenn: *chuckle* Yes it does.

Me: You make that sound like you want it to happen.

Evil Glenn: Oh, I do. Then, once she is dependant on all of that advertising revenue to support her site, I'll stop linking. Her traffic will dwindle to nothing overnight, the advertisers will all pull their ads, demand all of their money back, and drive her into bankruptcy! The plan is foolproof! It can't fail! Mwa ha ha ha ha!

Me: Hey, nice evil laugh!

Evil Glenn: Thank you, I've been practicing.

Me: Well, that sounds like a pretty good pla-

Evil Glenn: And then, when she is totally broke, I will appear, bearing a matching set of latex penguin suits, to sweep her off her feet and rescue her!

Me: Whoa! Too much information! Um... gotta go.

Evil Glenn: Oh, one more thing. I wouldn't drink that milk in your fridge. It went bad two days ago.

Me: Why you-

*CLICK*

There you have it. Evil Glenn's diabolical plan to destroy the Huffington Post through shameless promotion. If I could only get him that mad at There's One, Only!

Too grumpy for funny

I was going to write a wonderful essay on how Pizza is the world's most perfect food.

But I kind of lost my funny earlier this evening.

Let's just say that a straw finally broke this camels back. It wasn't something that I was proud of, which has left me in a bad mood all night.

I'll try to be funny tomorrow. Got a filthy lie to do...

PGHA: How to deal with Commie China

Last week was all about Iran, this week, the question is:

What are the next steps America should take in dealing with Communist China?

First, make sure you're talking about the right China. Remember, there is The Peoples Republic of China; they're the Commies. You know, the ones always beating their citizens and throwing them in prison.

Then, there is Taiwan, they're the Chinese that everybody likes, but don't want to officially recognize. They only beat American Little League teams, and haven't really even done that since the mid 90's.

Finally, there is fine china; that's a type of delicate porcelain plate ware. It beats using paper plates for dinner by a long shot. But is otherwise totally irrelevant to this discussion.

With Communist China, you have to identify what about them needs to be dealt with. First, they have nukes. And, thanks to one of our former Presidential Administrations, they now have the ability to fire them at us. What really needs to be done there, is to:

One, finish the SDI missile defense system. But don't tell them about it.

Next, we send over some really good computer hackers to change all the targeting software on their missiles to point directly back at themselves. Then, since they don't know about our new SDI system, when they think they have a chance to pop us with some thermonuclear fire, they drop them right back on their own heads.

The next threat that Communist China poses is their huge Peoples Liberation Army. (Don't you just love a military that has to hide behind the euphemisms "Peoples" and "Liberation"?) The only thing that I can think of to deal with them involves the fact that they are currently not quite as technologically advanced as our military is when it comes to navigation. What we need to do is gain control of all the map-makers and change all of the labels. Switch The United States of America with Antarctica. They'll be down there chasing penguins for months before they figure it out. And on the other hand, it won't affect to many Americans as many of them can't find America on a map anyways.

Another lesser recognized threat that Communist China has is their massive, underpaid workforce. The potential productivity created by the hordes of near slave-labor could bury any possible competition they set their sights on. To stop this economic menace, I have only one word: FreeCell. With every click and drag, more and more of their productivity will disappear.

The final risk that I feel Communist China has hanging over the rest of the world is their nearly inconceivably large population. This one can only be handled by the most extreme of acts. Barney videos! Once these hit the market, and prospective parents discover that they will be forced to spend much of the next 10 years of their lives watching the demented purple dinosaur, the birthrate should plummet. Or, we could introduce the most horrific of all birth control devices. Pictures of Madeline Albright naked. But that may be too cruel to inflict even on Commies.

Just remember, the only good Chinese is the guy that makes that really good Kung Po Chicken in the restaurant around the corner. Not that I hate any people in or from China, he's just the only one I really care about.... in a Platonic way.

Long day...

So tired... must rest... hard to type... speech... getting... slower...

Must sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Liveblogging!

My Grandmother has been sick for 4 days, and just today told us that she didn't have a thermometer the whole time. My Dad has been running a fever that has been spiking over 102 deg. F this weekend, and my Grandmother doesn't even know what her's is.

So, I ran out to the drug store (the drugstore department in K-mart actually) to get her a thermometer. While I was choosing a good one for her, I realized that I don't have one either. So I got one for myself too. A nice digital one that beeps when it's done. (I gave the same kind to my grandmother too.)

Which leads us to the live-blogging. In the interest of ...well, no one really, I will be live-blogging taking my temperature. This should take about 60 seconds.

OK. Here goes. I'm turning on the thermometer.

It's resetting.

I've got it in my mouth.

Waiting.....

Waiting.....

Waiting.....

It's beeping!!!!

98.5 deg F

I'm healthy! (Well, physically anyways...)

A Request

My father and my grandmother have both been pretty sick this weekend. They seem to each have a good case of the flu, but it may be developing into pneumonia. They both have doctor's appointments in the morning.

We would greatly appreciate any prayers that anyone would make for their health.

(If you happen to have a spare moment, I could use some prayer for strength as well. I'll be pulling double shifts at work until everyone is back on their feet.)

UPDATE: Dad's doctor said he has a virus. So, he's on heavy meds right now.

On a side note, when I was in the office doing some of his work this morning, I discovered a dead pigeon in a wall-space. If that had died early last week, it may have contributed to the problem.

OK, this is confusing.

What is the point of this?

You take the smallest car you can find, and then you stretch it into a limo, so enough people can fit into it. Wouldn't it have made a little more sense to have taken a mini-van and just used it?

I know, I know. This is all about status, right? But the people probably sitting in that limo in Cannes are the same people who are screaming that SUVs are destroying the Earth, and that you should cram all of your groceries and kids into a Yugo. Or better yet, stick them on the handlebars of your bicycle.

I find your lack of faith disturbing...

I love Cox & Forkum! Those guys do some really great work.

This cartoon is hillarious! It cracks me up so much that I've gone back to it several times today to get a good chuckle.

Enjoy!

Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn's Farm

OK, kiddies. It's time for Sing-Along Time™ with your good buddy GEBIV! Now just let me get the ol' banjo tuned up a little.

*twang* *twang* *twang* *Sproing!*

Oh well, who knows how to tune one of these things anyways?

Ready? Oops! I almost forgot the most important thing to do before Sing-Along Time™!
[Hangs sign reading "Please don't shoot the banjo player!" around neck]

And a one, and a two...

Evil Glenn Had A Farm

Evil Gle-enn had a farm,
Ee i ee i oh!
And on this farm he had some puppies,
Ee i ee i oh!
With a blend-blend here,
And a slurp-slurp there.
Here a blend, there a slurp,
Everywhere a blend-slurp.
Evil Gle-enn had a farm,
Ee i ee i oh!

Evil Gle-enn had a farm,
Ee i ee i oh!
And on this farm he had some hobos,
Ee i ee i oh!
With a whack-whack here,
And a smack-smack there.
Here a whack, there a smack,
Everywhere a whack-smack.
Evil Gle-enn had a farm,
Ee i ee i oh!

Evil Gle-enn had a farm,
Ee i ee i oh!
And on this farm he had Frank J.
Ee i ee i oh!
With a punch-punch here,
And a punch-punch there.
Here a punch, there a punch,
Everywhere a punch-punch.
Evil Gle-enn had a farm,
Ee i ee i oh!

Evil Gle-enn had a farm,
Ee i ee i oh!
And on this farm he had some penguins,
Ee i ee i oh!
With a [censored] here,
And a [censored] there.
Here a [censored], there a [censored],
Everywhere a [censored].
Evil Gle-enn had a farm,
Ee i ee i oh!

*BANG*

*thud*

A memory

Early tonight was a pretty good time to see Earth-shine on the Moon. If you have dark enough skies, and know what you're looking for, you can see the slight reflection of the light Earth is reflecting...

Um... the upshot of all of this is that you can just see the part of the moon that is not directly illuminated by the sun.

The reason I started this whole post is that when I was getting home from dinner (after a very long day at work, I treated myself to a Roadie at Roadhouse Grill) I noticed that I could see the Earth-shine lit moon. Which reminded me of the very first time I noticed this particular phenomenon.

I was about 4 or 5, and my family happened to be living in Southern California, (Dad was still in the Navy, and stationed out of San Diego) when early one evening I saw what I thought was the planet or other moon that went in front of the Moon to make it's phases.

Hey, I was only a kid!

I remember saying something about what I saw, but don't really remember the reply from my parents, other than there was nothing that came between the Earth and the Moon. It wasn't until I was much older, that I learned what I had really seen.

Funny what you can remember from 25 years earlier, the same day you can't remember where you left the remote...

PGHA: What should America do with Iran?

What to do in Iran. That's the question.

Unfortunately, I mis-remembered what the assignment was and spent my break time at work writing up the answer to What's the next step in Afghanistan.

So I've got that one saved up for a rainy day...

But back to Iran.

The mullahs are over there are trying to pull a Kim Jong Il and are threatening to turn America into a boiling sea of nuclear fire ...as long as we let them get the technology to do it.

Of course while the mullahs are trying to destroy the world, the people of Iran are desperately striving for freedom. I just hope that they don't become the test subjects for a fledgling nuclear program.

But I think that the best thing we can do right now is support the Iranian bloggers. Although I don't really know if that will do any good, it's really the only thing that I can do from my computer.

Although I have to admit that giving the mullahs a first hand example of what a nuclear explosion looks like does have a certain appeal...

The Marine

Stolen from Harvey, who stole it from blogbrother Andrew of Custos Honor, because my Grandfather, whose name I share, was a Marine in WWII.

THE MARINE

We all came together,
Both young and old.
To fight for our freedom,
To stand and be bold.
In the midst of all evil,
We stand our ground,
And we protect our country
From terror all around.
Peace and not war
Is what some people say.
But I'll give my life,
So you can live the American way.
I give you the right
To talk of your peace.
To stand in your groups,
And protest in our streets.
But still I fight on,
I don't bitch, I don't whine.
I'm just one of the people
Who is doing your time.
I'm harder than nails,
Stronger than any machine.
I'm the immortal soldier,
I'm a US MARINE!
So stand in my shoes,
And leave from your home.
Fight for the people who hate you,
With the protests they've shown.
Fight for the stranger,
Fight for the young. So they all may have,
The greatest freedom you've won.
Fight for the sick, Fight for the poor.
Fight for the cripple,
Who lives next door.
But when your time comes,
Do what I've done.
For if you stand for freedom,
You'll stand when the fight's done.

By: Corporal Aaron M. Gilbert US Marine
USS SAIPAN, PERSIAN GULF
March 23, 2003

Hey Dad! Do me a favor and label this "The Marine"; and send it to everybody on your email list. Even leave this letter in it. I want this rolling all over the U.S. I want every home reading it. Every eye seeing it. And every heart to feel it. So can you please send this for me? I would but my email time isn't that long and I don't have much time anyway. You know what Dad? I wondered what it would be like to truly understand what JFK said in his inaugural speech. "When the time comes to lay down my life for my country, I do not cower from this responsibility. I welcome it" Well, now I know. And I do. Dad, I welcome the opportunity to do what I do. Even though I have left behind a beautiful wife, and I will miss the birth of our first born child, I would do it 70 times over to fight for the place that God had made for my home. I love you all and I miss you very much. I wish I could be there when Sandi Has our baby, but tell her that I love her, and Lord willing, I will be coming home soon. Give Mom and great big hug from me and give one to yourself too. Aaron.

If this touched you at all, send this on.

More Questions!

Due to the overwhelming response to my recent post (Actually, I think it may be just the voices in my head talking really loudly again), where I answer one of the most pressing questions of the day, I have decided to answer some other questions that people (the voices, again) have been asking me lately.

Plus, it seems to be a format that works for the Lord of the Blogdodecahedron, Frank J.

And so I present:

Ask Mr. Smart-Alec!™

Q. What is the reason most people blog?
A. I think it's a combination of an ego trip, and a bad burrito.

Q. What does a burrito have to do with blogging?
A. Trust me. You don't want to know.

Q. Is this why you started blogging?
A. In my case, it was a taco-supreme.

Q. So, do you really drive a Jeep™?
A. Yes. Yes I do. (grin)

Q. Are they as much fun to drive as the commercials say?
A. More.

Q. If you are responding to voices in your head, does that make this a group blog like IMAO?
A. As far as I'm aware, no one at IMAO listens to the voices in my head.

Q. What about voices in their own heads?
A. You didn't hear that here.

Q. Did you just change the subject?
A. Yes.

Q. Do you proof-read before you post?
A. Usually, I try to be perfect the first time. Although I will admit to hitting backspace a lot.

Q. Are you single?
A. Yes.

Q. Are you good looking?
A. By most standards... no.

Q. Are you rich?
A. Only by third world standards.

Q. Are you funny to talk to?
A. Only if you think There's One, Only! is funny.

Q. Gee, not too surprising that you're single, eh?
A. Yeah. And playing the banjo doesn't help much either.

Q. Are you depressed now?
A. No more than usual.

Q. Is that good or bad?
A. Pretty bad.

Q. Do you do drugs?
A. No. Sadly, I'm this weird on my own.

Q. But are you happy?
A. Most of the time. Sometimes I'm Sleepy.

A Question!

Q. What is the most dangerous politcal trend facing America today: Ignorance or Apathy?

A. Don't know. Don't care.

Happy Mother's Day

To all mothers everywhere!

Painting!

Went to my blogless brother's house in Ohio today. He needed some help painting some rooms inside his new house.

Man, am I sick of manual labor today.

Ahhhh. Time for some Wolfenstein ET!

Die NAZIS!!!!!!!! DIE!!!!!

Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn's Mother's Day

Everyone has a mother. It's a biological necessity. Even Saddam Hussein had a mother. (He had her boiled in camel milk as an April Fools joke, but that's another story.)

So it should come as no surprise that even Evil Glenn has a mother. And so, he also has to celebrate Mother's Day.

Thus, the question was raised:

What does Evil Glenn do for Mother's Day.

And to this end, I give you

Incredibly Inane Information about Evil Glenn's Mother's Day.

• Evil Glenn used to give his mother fresh flowers every Mother's Day. But now that the cemeteries all lock their gates at night, he has a hard time stealing them from the memorials.
• He once sent her a box of chocolate covered nuts for Mother's Day, but she had an allergic reaction to them.
• The next year he just sent her a big jar of nuts. It turns out she wasn't allergic to the chocolate, like he thought.
• Another time, Evil Glenn dressed up like Santa Clause and climbed down her chimney to deliver her flowers.
• He gets confused about holidays, and sometimes mixes them up.
• Fortunately, it was a warm night, so the fire wasn't too big.
• Too bad his name isn't Chester. (sorry really bad/obscure joke)
• Unlike his father who apreciates getting a big bottle of liquor for Father's Day, Evil Glenn's mother doesn't like to drink.
• So Glenn's dad get's booze in both in June and May!
• Evil Glenn has gotten so cheep that he's started giving recycled greeting cards.
• This year she's getting a Bah Mitzvah card.
• At least it's better than the "Congratulations on the Successful Sex Change Operation!" card she got last year.

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

It's the Fifth of May!

Testing, 1... 2... 3...

This is a test.

A test of alignment.

I want to see how far right I can go.

Actually, I think I'm more of a chaotic good alignment.

That last bit was a joke.

(If anyone ever asks me how to do this stuff, I'll have to tell them to buy NoteTab Pro.)

PGHA: Hanoi Jane's Book Signings

How do you protest a protestor? That's sort of the question put up by Harvey's Precision Guided Humor Assignment for this week. Namely, what would you like to see happen at a Jane Fonda book signing?

And while I'm just young enough to not have any first hand memories of the Vietnam war, I do have an opinion on the subject. Most notably that most of the people who call it an illegal or immoral war forget that it takes two sides to make peace. And no matter how much we say we want to end a war, it will continue as long as the other side keeps attacking.

Surrender is not the same thing as peace.

But enough about my opinion, let's talk about Hanoi Jane.

On a personal level, I don't have any problems with her. That is; I don't hate her, I only hate the things she did. You have to admit, anyone who would leave Ted Turner can't be all bad... (although that means that she still made the mistake of marrying him in the first place.)

Anyways, getting back to the original question; What would I like to see happen at a Jane Fonda book signing?

Nothing.

I want no one to have her sign a book. No one to buy a copy of her book. And no one to show up.

I would like to see her just sitting there wondering if someone is giving out free ice-cream across town.

Then at her next stop, I would like to see the store manager forget that she was coming, and not have set a table up for her. I'd like to see her just sitting on the floor this time, surrounded by piles of unpurchased books.

The following day's signing would be even better, because the store chain would forget to tell her that they're not open that day, and she would be standing on the sidewalk with her face plastered to the window, trying to figure out where everybody went.

Now wouldn't all that be funny?

Basically, I would like to see the same thing happen to Jane Fonda as has happened to so many other people in history who were wrong. I want her and what she did to be forgotten. Not because what she did no longer hurts people. Not because everyone is accepting of what she did. And not because she said she's sorry (which she only said about the anti-aircraft picture, not about her protesting or other actions) and wants to be forgiven.

I want her to be forgotten because she was wrong. And for the fact that she only did those things in an attempt to be remembered for doing them.

It's sort of like the Chinese legend of the man who performed a heinous crime just to get his name in the history books. When the judge at the trial heard that the desire of fame was his motivation, he had his name stricken from the history books, and forbade his name to ever be spoken or written again.

I'm not saying that censorship is the answer. And I'm not saying that we should ignore history. But it would be nice to hear in a decade or so, "Hey do you remember that actress who went over and protested the Vietnam war?" "No, what was her name?" "I forget."

This is even more interesting than I thought.

I followed this link that Harvey left in the comments to my last post for the story about Donald Herbert, the recovering firefighter, and noticed that the spokesman for the family was someone that I know. Simon Manka, the uncle of the fireman, was one of the Scoutmasters for my old Boy Scout Troop, and is a very good friend of my father.

Pretty weird, eh? And I didn't even know until I read about it in a British news report.

Earlier today, my father spoke with his friend and got a good first hand account of what happened, and everything was pretty much the way it was reported in the news. He was sitting there in an almost totally unresponsive state, when he just turned to one of the staff at the Father Baker Convelcence Home and asked to speak to his wife.

I'm just glad that my cynicism was unfounded, and that this story is getting the press that it deserved.

For those of you so inclined, please pray that Mr. Herbert continues to improve.

A feel good story.

Wow. This is great!

Donald Herbert, a firefighter who had been unable to speak due to brain-damage suffered in the line of duty made a surprising leap foreward in his recovery recently. After 9 years, mostly spent in a Convelescence Home, he suddenly started talking earlier this weekend.

Friends and family say that both his speach and memory appear to have returned.

The reason for his recovery is still unclear. One theory is that while his family were told that talking to him would help, this is the first time anyone shut up long enough for him to respond...

Seriously though, I've been hearing this story all day on local radio, yet couldn't find more than one story about it on the net. I'm not saying that there is a media conspiracy to bury this story, even though it does bring up eerie images of Terry Schiavo. I figure it's just another case of "if it bleeds, it leads." This is a feel good story, and is thus relegated to the bottom of the news pile.

I just hope that I'm wrong about that. Who knows, maybe it'll hit the big-time media in a couple of days.

The Best Stargate SG-1 Episode Ever!

"Windows Of Opportunity" is on the Sci-Fi channel right now!

The plot is a lot like "Groundhog Day", and is extremely well done.

Definitely a fun one to watch.

A belated WELCOME!

To my newest Blog-brother, Shakey Pete of Shakey Pete's Shootin' Shack. He was a regular commentor and guest-poster over at Bad Example for a while, but eventually he gave in to peer pressure and started his own blog.

I know I've had more than a few Bad Example family members join that I didn't welcome to the Blogshpere (Or Blogdodecahedron if you're so inclined). And I don't want any of them to feel slighted. It's just that I'm usually too lazy to things like this.

But Pete is just a little different. He's the first person to start a blog after I said "Go start a blog!" And while I know that my voice probably didn't have any real effect on his final decision to start blogging, I still think of myself as a little bit of a Bloguncle. (Even though we both have the same Blogfather. The Bad Example Family is full of things like that...)

I know that it won't take long for Peter to surpass me in readers and all around blogginess. I don't mind. He has a lot better stuff than I do to say.

In fact check out a few posts from his first week of blogging.

Here's a great article about Gun Proofing your child. And while I didn't actually go through any of this myself, I agree wholeheartedly on the entire issue.

Peter also shares his thoughts on the 30^th anniversary of a dark April 30^th in South-East Asia. Fortunately, I was too young to be able to remember this day myself. (Only one and a half years old at the time.) However, I have studied my American History, so I do share a lot of the feelings that Pete expressed. Let's hope the country can learn from what really happened. And not just what revisionist historians tell us happened.