There's One, Only!

Where's My Sign

Sometimes I think that I need a sign that I can wear after a certain point in the day. I'd put it on right about when I start loosing my mind. I think it should say something like:

"Don't bother asking me for help, I'm probably more confused than you are..."

I decided I needed one right after I had spent five minutes giving a guy directions to Niagara Falls when he said something that reminded me he only wanted to go to Canada. He'd have gotten there eventually, but it would have taken him an extra 45 minutes if he had followed my original directions.

PGHA: Better White House Responses

For this week, Harvey asked the question:

How should the White House respond to incredibly stupid accusations at press conferences?

It's my opinion that the White House is doing a fine job in responding to these types of questions, but with the media the way it is the public never gets to hear the responses. All the people of America end up hearing are the stupid accusations.

This could be changed by using the power of TV in a different way. First, lets try...

SURVIVOR: WHITE HOUSE PRESS ROOM

- Have a group of "regular" people answering questions from the media, and at the end of each session, one of them get's voted out of the Press Room. Have disgusting challenges that they can win to gain immunity, like... who can rub Helen Thomas' feet the longest, or who can lick Dan Rather's boots the best.

Or we could tap into the teen drama market...

Announcer: Next, on a very special Press Briefing, Scott McClellan reveals how he lost his virginity.

Scott McClellen: THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!!!

Perhaps we could let the Who's Line crew take over...

Drew Carey: And our next game is "World's Worst." Show me the world's worst person to be Press Secretary.

Ryan Styles: Hello, my name is Howard. Yeaaaaaarrrrrghh!!

Colin Mochrie: (Holding one hand up like a hook and squinting with one eye) Arrrrr. What's the question me maties?

But if we really want people to tune in to a Press Briefing, we need to tap into AI. That's right;
American Idol: Press Secretary
But we might need to get someone other than Simon to head up the judging... we don't want to see a Press Secretary cry on national television.

So remember, the problem isn't the message that the White House is giving, it's finding a way to get America to listen.

Uh oh.

Just had Chinese take out for lunch with my Dad. Good food, as usual.

But one problem.

My fortune cookie was empty. That can't be a good sign...

A Question.

If I got a couple of tickets to the Charlie Daniels concert this Saturday (July 2^nd) in Varysburg, NY (about 45 minutes outside of Buffalo), would anyone want to go? I'm not sure who the opening acts are, but the music starts around 4~4:30 and goes til dark.

The evening would include the greatest fireworks display in this half of the state. (I went to one of these concerts 2 or three years ago, and the fireworks lasted for an hour - set to music. And they always get better each year.) I'd even throw a free Jeep ride into the evening (gotta drive there some way.)

If anyone is interested, let me know!

What's good for the goose...

Oh, this is too good.

To steal a phrase from Shakespere (and recently, Rich Galen of Mullings) Souter has been "hoist on his own petard."

In a press release earlier today, Logan Darrow Clements of Freestar Media annouced that he was requesting permission to build a hotel called "The Lost Liberty Hotel" on the site of Supreme Court Justice David Souter's current home. And apparently, this isn't merely a joke or a protest. Clements is seeking investors to help build the hotel.

I think this is what they call poetic justice.

Mwa ha ha ha ha ha. (sorry about that)

I heard this on Rush earlier today, and almost crashed my jeep, I was laughing so hard.

UPDATE: I just found a satire done earlier this week by The Therapist. Along the same line, but with Ruth "Vader" Ginsburg as the target. I remembered reading the story, but couldn't remember where I saw it. (Hat tip Conservative Grapevine.)

Whew...

Another scorcher today. Not quite as warm as yesterday (our thermometer read 100deg briefly yesterday and only 98.8deg today, but it held there for almost an hour) but it was a lot more humid.

Officially, Buffalo hit 95deg. A new record for the day.

On the plus side of things, my air-conditioner worked fine all day without popping the circuit breaker again. Too bad I was at work all day and just got home at 9:00. At least Slinky the Wonder Ferret wasn't uncomfortable. And it's always important to keep the ferret happy.

Public Safety Announcement

Due to the discovery of a second case of Mad Cow disease in the United States, the Department of Agriculture has released a web site to let you know if your beef is safe to eat.

Go here for this simple test.

Yawn.

Long day at work today, but at least I finished up with a really good meal at a good Chinese restaurant. So I guess it all kind of balances out....

Can't think of anything else to blog about tonight.

UPDATE: (At Harvey's insistence...)

Here's the Fortune I got with the check.

Your emotional nature is strong and sensitive.

Lucky Numbers 32, 14, 47, 28, 38, 9

And on the back:

Learn Chinese - Automobile

Qi-che
(and a bunch of squiggles that I assume are Chinese characters.)

Filthy Lie: Who's the Bigger Link Whore?

The debate has been raging across the Blogsphere for the last week or two, about weather or not link-whores like The Alliance of Free Bloggers are good or bad for the whole concept of blogging. Some people feel that we members of The Alliance are just a bunch of goof-offs that are taking away some of the attention that serious blogs rightfully deserve.

Well, they're partly right. We are a bunch of goof-offs, but I don't feel that we're taking anything away from anyone else. The internet isn't a net-sum-zero place. Just because someone follows a link to The Alliance, and maybe to my site, doesn't mean that took away any hits from a more serious site. At least in my opinion... whatever that matters. Besides, anyone who spends a lot of time on a goof-off site like There's One, Only! or the Alliance isn't usually going to be the kind of person who spends a lot of time on a more serious site anyways.

But that isn't the whole point of this post. This post is intended to answer the question as to which is the bigger link-whore, The Alliance of Free Blogs or Instapundit?

To me, the whole answer lies in how you define link-whore. Is it someone who does anything for a link (like a crack-addict), or someone who'll give a link out to anyone (like your stereotypical streetwalker)?

In the first case, The Alliance would clearly be the winner. After all, Evil Glenn doesn't do anything to get links. He's so big they just happen without any effort on his part. But this definition doesn't really fit the whole situation. In this case, you would really be taking about link-junkies. And at that, there is no doubt that The Alliance is made up of the biggest link-junkies around. We will do just about ANYTHING to get a hit! Just ask; we'll probably do it.

However, when it comes to handing out links like a woman of the night hands out her affection, no one can compare to Evil Glenn. He'll link to anyone as long as they catch his eye. Weather it's something humorous, something controversial, or a particular political insight; if he likes it, he links it.

At least at The Alliance some standards have to be met. A member site has to catch our eye, and they have to let us know about it (usually by linking to The Alliance first or at least sending an e-mail). And while we do occasionally link to non-members, they still have to meet the same rigorous standards that members do (namely the aforementioned link or e-mail to The Alliance). See. Much higher standards.

So while The Alliance may be a bunch of link addicts, willing to do anything for a hit, up to and including making up filthy lies about an upstanding member of the Tennessee legal community; at least we don't hide being a link-whore behind the facade of appearing as an upstanding member of the Tennessee legal community.

Happy Dance!

Yay!!!!!!

It's back. My monitor, that is.

Earlier today, I had a problem with my notebook. (A Compaq Presario 2100) The monitor went almost completely to black. If you looked very closely, you could just make out what was supposed to be there.

I was only able to use the computer by hooking it up to another monitor at the time. I checked around online, and after a chat with the Compaq help desk, I figured I was looking at a burned out light for my notebook screen. With a repair cost of somewhere between $150 and $600.

Then I turned off my computer, stuck it in the carrying case, and was grumpy for the rest of work. When I had a little free time, I used the office computer to do a little price shopping on new laptops. I figured that if I was going to be spending that kind of money, I might as well spend a little more and get a much better computer. Not that I was entirely happy with having to do that either.

But when I got home and hooked everything up to my old desktop's monitor, my laptop started working perfectly.

I may still need an eventual repair, or need to buy a new computer someday; but now I don't have a rush to do it right away.

But for right now, HAPPY DANCE!!!

(Oh, by the way, if anyone has had this problem themselves, could you let me know how you made out? Is my diagnosis correct, and how good was my estimate?)

PGHA: Where to put the terrorists?

Well, it seems like every Democrat, and many of the more spinally-challenged Republicans are crying at the plight of the detainees at GITMO, and are demanding... well demand is too strong a term, more like they are whining that GITMO should be closed down.

Of course none of them have put forward the first idea about what to do with the terrorists that are being held there once the camp has been closed down. I guess that would be too constructive an idea for their little political control circuits to handle.

So, in an effort to be friendly, Harvey over at Alliance HQ, asked us to help out and come up with some possible new locations to keep the terrorists.

My first thought was to make a Democrat put his money where his mouth is. Namely, to keep the terrorists in the famous Kennedy Compound in Hyannisport. But after a few moments thought, I realized that we wouldn't be able to guarantee the safety of the detainees, or any of the female military personnel. I'm not sure that we could afford the rent there either. Not to mention that we shouldn't be writing a check to another Socialist.

The next thought was to use Jackson's Neverland Ranch. But I'm pretty sure that just the thought of sending someone there would be considered cruel and unusual punishment. I'd even have to side with Amnesty International in protesting that location.

If we have a few years before the camp is closed, then my home county of Erie County, NY could be used. By then the entire population should be gone as the County Legislature continues to tax us into oblivion. Plus, with the welfare state that is already in existence, we would be in a position to take care of a bunch of free-loading terrorists who aren't actually producing anything while being in incarceration. But this could only be a solution if GITMO remained open for a few more years before being shut down.

I tried to think of places that have the pre-existing skills necessary to handle relatively large groups of grumpy people, and most of them had to be deemed inappropriate in some way or another. For example, if you put them in the visiting team's section of a football stadium, they would be possibly subject to contamination by the free-flowing alcohol usually found there, not to mention the cheerleaders.

A place like Disney World, has similar problems. I mean, if being forced to stand for hours in an un-air conditioned environment is torture, then the lines for Space Mountain or the Epcot Center put even the Gulags to shame. And I think the It's A Small World ride is in a torture class all it's own.

Hey, there's always the Hotel California. There's plenty of room at the Hotel California. Only one problem there; you can check out any time you want, but you can never leave.

Unfortunately, after several hours of thought, all of the other places that I could think of that would do as good a job of keeping the detainees as GITMO were all imaginary. Like the Matrix, that two-dimensional thing they put the bad guys into in Superman I and II, Isengard tower from The Lord of the Rings, ...North Dakota.

Of course all of them have problems as well. In the Matrix, there is always the possibility of THE ONE arising to destroy the Matrix and free everyone. With the Superman two-dimensional prison, there is no way to get any information out of the terrorists. Isengard would only hold the terrorists untill the Ents got bored and let them escape. And I'm pretty sure that North Dakota doesn't really exist. (Rumor has it, that the words "North Dakota" are only on maps in the same way that ancients used to put "Here be dragons." You know, just as filler.)

So, I guess in conclusion, I can't think of anyplace better for those terrorist detainees than where they are right now. And I'm guessing that unlike most of the Democratic Leadership, I actually sat down and thought about it for a while.

Addendum: Other places considered and discarded.

The floor of the United States Senate. They aren't using it for anything constructive, but it would really only hold 100 terrorists.

Frostbite Falls, Minnesota. [Boris]Moose and Squirrel are torturing Fearless Leader's followers.[/Boris]

Winn-Dixie. I heard that the chain is closing hundreds of it's stores. You would be able to spread the terrorists around to all of the closed stores, but the contamination from the deli sections would cause riots in the Moslem world.

Toys for the Blogdad

My, how the time flies. Harvey, my blogfather, is celebrating his second blogiversary today.

Yes, I almost forgot. I'm a bachelor, I'm not too good at remembering things like birthdays, anniversaries... major holidays.

Anyways, he likes the gifts he receives for stuff like this to have a common theme. Usually a good policy to have, or else with the wide variety of things available on the internet, you would never know what to expect.

For this year's blogiversary he made one simple request; that the theme be TOYS.

Um... OK.

While I'm usually a big Robin Williams fan, and generally liked Joan Cusack's performance, I can't say that I really liked it. Especially as the camera style near the end of the "climactic battle scene" was very choppy and, it seemed, intentionally confusing.

But who am I to judge what someone wants for their blogiversary? So here you go, blogdad. Here is your TOYS!

Pool's Open!

I'm finishing up filling the pool today, so it's un-officially open now. (Which just beats the deadline of opening it before Summer starts - tomorrow.)

So, anyone is welcome to come over and go swimming. Just let me know if you feel like a dip. :-)

David, the wackiest Liberal

Listening to Rush today and I just heard the wackiest Liberal ever. The caller, a "doctor" named David, parroted every moonbat theory under the sun:

* We went to war for Halliburton.

* Bush should be tried at the Hauge for war-crimes.

* Rush is part of the American Talliban.

* "Religion is the opiate of the masses" - Karl Marx.

* The Downing St. memo!!!!!!

* Bush has a low I.Q.

I may have the order of the moonbattery mixed up a little. But those were some of the points he brought up. And as Rush refuted each of the points David tried to make, he just got wackier.

He also had "proof" that God doesn't exist. Namely, God designed the human body with "flaws" that he, David, would not have made. (Like the menstral cycle, and bowel movements.) Even Rush thought that was a funny enough comment to repeat it after the commercial.

Happy Father's Day!

Not much I can say, other than I really do appreciate my Dad. Even if I work for him and am supposed to have the traditional employer-employee hate thing.

It works out pretty well. He knows I'll never call in sick just because I want to go fishing, and I know that he usually won't make any unreasonable schedules.

Happy Father's Day, Dad.

Milestones

10,000 Hits! Yay!

Actually, its kind of a meaningless milestone since my site traffic had been undercounted for so long. I'm sure I hit it a long time ago. But since I added Site Meter to my archives like Harvey suggested, the numbers are climbing pretty quick.

As near as I can figure, number 10,000 found my site looking for "russian teens in bikinis" on Google.

No, Harv. I haven't been holding out on you. I guess it's some comment spam I never cleared out.

Um... yay for comment spam?

Oh well. Enjoy the site, everybody! For whatever reasons you found it!

A Political Joke

Here's a joke that was forwarded to me by a friend. It probably holds true for any level of government, but is almost too painfully appropriate for Erie County in Western New York. Our county government has almost given up trying to fix the problems they've caused-they won't make cuts, and can only raise taxes so high...(and the city of Buffalo is getting destroyed along with the rest of the county)

Anyways, here's the joke.

An Indian walks into a coffee shop with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waitress, "Me want coffee."

The waitress says, "Sure chief, coming right up." She gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.

The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of animal to splatter every where, then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waitress, "Me want coffee."

The waitress says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"

(hang on, this is really good......)

The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me training for Erie County Legislature position: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day".

I don't know why it was an Indian... I probably shouldn't over-analyze these things so much.

Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn's Father's Day

The Dark Lord of the Blogsphere sat on his throne, brooding in the dark. He re-read the letter clutched in his hand for what seemed like the hundredth time. Finally with a sigh that sounded exactly unlike a freight train running over a slow turtle, he made his decision.

Stabbing a bony finger down onto the panel on the side of the desktop, he turned on the intercom. "Send in the Insta-son." He said into the mic.

A few moments later, the Insta-son walked into the Dark Lord's gloomy study. "Yes Father? You wanted to see me?" he asked.

"Father." snorted the Evil Blogger under his breath. Then, he flung the letter onto the desk. "Do you know what this is?" he asked the younger man.

The Insta-son glanced over the document for a moment and then answered. "It looks like a medical report of some kind."

"It's the results of a blood test." said the Dark Lord. "Two tests actually. Mine, and ...yours."

"So?" The Insta-son was puzzled by this exchange, to say the least.

"The report says that you are not my son," pronounced the Blogger in a tone of voice that could have frozen whole oceans. "Your slattern of a mother must have cheated on me! Because this document proves, medically and scientifically, that I am not your biological father!"

"Of course you aren't." answered the Insta-son.

"WHAT!?! You know? But... but, how... when?" stammered the Dark Lord.

"You told me. I'm adopted, remember? And every year, on my adoption day anniversary, you tell me the story of how I became Evil Glenn, Jr."

"Oh. Right. Now I remember," Evil Glenn (Sr) said wistfully. "We found you in that alley with a homeless couple I had just bludgeoned. I was just getting ready to beat you to death when the Insta-wife -such a wonderful woman- noticed you hitting the dead hoboes with your little toy hammer. She insisted that we adopt you on the spot." He wiped a small tear from the corner of his eye.

"Aw, Dad. You always get so sentimental when you tell that story." the Insta-son gushed.

"Come here son. And give your Dad a hug." beamed Evil Glenn.

After they had hugged for a little bit, the Insta-son looked up at his father and asked, "So, what do you want to do for Father's Day this year?"

"The same thing we do every night!" The Dark Blogger proclaimed.

"What, try to take over the world?"

"Well... yes, that. But first, let us kill some hoboes!"

It's Bad Joke Day!! Yay!!

Found on a Joke Newsgroup.

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."

"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because
my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my
insurance company also paid for everything."

The lawyer looked somewhat confused and said,
"How do you start a flood?""

And...

Top ten list of things to do to prepare for the ski season: (And to remind non-skiers why they do not ski.)

10.. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer
for half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.
9.. Go to the nearest hockey rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your
ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you
are looking for your car.
8.. For ski boot simulation at home, put a pebble in your street shoes and
tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
7.. Buy a pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
6.. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $6.50 for a hamburger. Be sure
to wait in the longest line.
5.. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle
fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
4.. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a
snowstorm and you're following an 18 wheeler.
3.. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast
your face. You'd almost believe you're skiing in front of a snowmaker!
2.. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them
off because you have to go to the bathroom.
1.. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday.

Oooh... Urk*

This was definitely something I didn't need to read a day after my own communion with the porcelain throne.

*Warning Not For The Weak Of Stomach!!!!!*

I'm gonna go lie down for a little bit more...

PGHA: Dean Quotes

I only have a slight fever today, so that probably means that I'm no longer qualified to try to figure out what How-weird Dean is going to be saying next.

I guess I should have written this yesterday when I had a 100.7 deg fever. But while my mind may have been in the right state, I just didn't have the energy to type much.

And so, without further ado, here are some of my predictions for future Dean Quotes:

Those Republicans are just a bunch of people who think that America is better than the terrorists!

Our military are just a bunch of jack-booted baby-killers. It wouldn't be bad if they only killed fetuses, but waiting untill they are born and then killing them is just cruel.

Those stupid Republicans are so intolerant of any ideas they see as harming America.

Why won't the Republicans do what we say? It's like they think they won the last election.

Klaatu Barada Nikto.

Waaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!! Those evil Republicans stole my binky!

I am the Walrus!

Oooh. My head hurts. It's like Karl Rove put a micro-chip in there or something...

That's all I can come up with.

Blech... part II

BEAL is gone. But now I have the flu.

Not much of an improvement really.

I even lost the original version of this post.

I do have to say that some of the halucinations are getting pretty good. I spent 10 minutes on the couch dreaming I was a cat...

Blech

I got BEAL.

Not even watching "Who's Line is it Anyways?" is helping inspire me to write funny tonight.

Oh well, at least I'm laughing... and not just at the bald jokes.

...

I had a really funny concept for a post earlier today. But then I went and forgot it.

*smack* Doh!

Maybe I'll remember it later... The worst part was that it was funny and topical. It might have even been a good post to submit to the Carnival of Comedy.

Arghh! I just wish I could remember it.

I guess I need to start carrying my tape-recorder with me to work.

Oh well. Maybe next time I have a good idea I'll write it down before I forget... if I remember to...

I'm a bomber!

...that's good, right?

Stolen from Castle Arggghh!!!

Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn and the Koran

All across the Middle East, people were rioting. Cars were burning. Buildings were being torn down. Small patches of wild-flowers were being needlessly trampled! And why?

Because they claimed that Evil Glenn had desecrated the Koran!

But what could Evil Glenn have done to the Koran that would incite these peaceful, friendly, and tolerant Moslems to such violence? (Boy was that hard to type with a straight face...)

A quick superficial look over Evil Glenn's personal copy of the Koran revealed nothing wrong. However, a more careful examination was much more illuminating.

It appeared that Evil Glenn had underlined and annotated several of his favorite passages. Mostly having to do with stuff like 'smiting the unbelievers like dogs.' But some of the passages seemed to be underlined at random.

You don't think that he used his Idea-Mini-Cows to choose some of the verses to comment on? That would sure give the Moslem world a reason to get mad...

And it would explain some of the odder sections that he had underlined.

How... illuminating

Last night, after I closed up the store and was heading home, I stopped to watch some of the light show the thunder storms were putting on. It wasn't raining much where I was, but the town just to the south of me was getting pounded. (According to radio reports, there were over 25,000 ground strikes in the Western New York area during last night's storms. That may be just a normal Florida night, but it was a little extreme for us.)

So to stay out of the little rain I was getting, and to have a good view of the southern sky, I stood under the Diesel Pump canopy. Mostly, what I saw was just the clouds lighting up from lightning bolts I couldn't directly see. But every once in a while, I was treated to a spectacular lightning strike.

None of them were within miles of me, but as I stood there I started thinking about a few things. On the one hand, I was under a structure that had to have been engineered to withstand lightning strikes and should be perfectly safe. On the other hand, I was standing under a 30 foot tall metal canopy sitting on top of 20,000 gallons of fuel.

It was late, and I was getting tired, so discretion won out and I went home. But it was still fun to watch.

Weather... or not?

Another scorcher today. 95.9 deg F (unofficially, of course). A bit warm for a normal June day, but not that far out of what can happen. I don't even think we broke the official record high for the day.

We need rain though. All of the storms that have gone through the North-East have gone right around us. There is a good chance I'll be getting some rain in the next hour or so. It's dark as midnight out there right now!

It'll be nice to see green grass again.

UPDATE: No where near the record! It was 98 deg F. way back in 1909! (GLOBAL WARMING!!!! AHHHHH!) That actually makes it one of the warmest days ever for the Buffalo area. We've never had an official temperature of over 99 deg F.

UPDATE 2: Ok, I think I'm wrong about the year of the high temp record... But it still wasn't made today.

UPDATE 3: The rain got here about 10 O'clock, but seems to hav petered out by 10:30. The thunder and lightning are still going strong though.

PGHA: Fantasy Headlines

Well, it's Wednesday. And everyone knows what that means!

...

Er, is anyone going to tell me? Oh yeah! It's time for another Precision Guided Humor Assignment.

This week's is: What headlines or news stories do YOU fantasize about seeing in 2006?

So I am going to dig deep into my subconscious to see what I can find.

Clinton looses NY Senate Seat
- Hillary stunned. "I thought I had the voting rigged better than that! I mean..."

Kofi Annan indicted
- Annan stunned. "I thought I had the investigation rigged better than that!"

Saddam found guilty!
- Hussein stunned. "I thought I had bribed the jury enough."

Scientists find that short, prematurely greying men are the worlds greatest lovers.
- Oops, that one wasn't supposed to get in there.

Hollywood stages protest against Bush. No one shows up.
- Actors are stunned. "We thought everyone was just a bunch mindless drones who did whatever we said. Now we might have to actually make movies people like."

NY blogger wins $200 Million Mega-Millions Lottery!
- GEBIV ecstatic. Vows to get a better computer.

That about does it for my subconscious this week.

Kia Commercial

Have any of you seen the latest Kia Sportage commercial? The one that starts with some guy getting out of a Sportage and tossing the keys to another guy with a guitar... who drives to the beach and tosses the keys to a woman with a bunch of dogs... who drives to the park and tosses the keys to a guy with a mountain bike... who drives to the mountains and tosses the keys to a guy with some cub scouts... well, you get the idea, right?

What confuses me about the commercial is, I'm not exactly sure what point they are trying to make.

Are they promoting the Communist idea of communal living, where personal ownership of property is not allowed?

Or are they saying that the Sportage is such a piece of junk that you just throw it away when you get to where you were driving?

I'm not saying that these are bad cars. My mom drives one that she bought from my blogless brother about a year ago. And it's a nice little car. (It has been in the shop a bit. Good thing they have long warranties.) But otherwise not a bad ride.

But the commercial just seems to be a little confusing to me. If you were trying to say how great the car is, why show people repeatedly giving it away, one after another? And frankly, I wouldn't want to be the one getting it after the lady with the dogs from the beach.

If you want to show that the car is great, I would have made a commercial where all sorts of differing people were fighting over who got the car. Maybe make it the last one on the lot or something...

(Yes I know that the point of the ad is that the car is versatile enough for everyone.)

A Graph

A short time ago, Harvey (my adoptive Blogfather... awe gee, I've still got figure out what to get him his father's day present...) anyways, what Harvey did was recomend that I put the Site Meter code on all of my archive pages.

He figured that I wasn't getting all of the hits that I should have.

Here's a graphical look at the last months numbers...

Can you guess when I made the changes?

Yeee Haw!

The Mars Rover Opportunity finally got itself unstuck from a sand dune that had mired it down for 5 weeks. The Mars Rover team here on Earth had originally sent Opportunity over the dune in search of Mars' elusive water.

Said one of the team leaders, "We figured that maybe, just maybe that sand dune was part of a beach, and there would be an ocean on the other side. In retrospect, the fact that we could see there was no water on the other side should have made the trip unnecessary. But by that point I figured, 'What the hey, let's see what this puppy can do.'

"That probably wasn't the smartest thing to do." He added while he finished cleaning out his desk. "I've got to go now. My plane leaves for Antarctica in an hour."

Engineers built a giant sandbox model of the sand dune, and then spent weeks working with a model of Opportunity trying to figure out how to get it out. Progress would have occurred sooner, but the judging for "Best Sandcastle" required two separate court cases after a steroid scandal swept through the competition.

"Best Sand-Angel" was awarded posthumously to a janitor who fell off a cat-walk while changing a light bulb over the half acre sandbox.

The solution to Opportunity's sandy woes was reached at last when a group of experts from Jeep's "Go Anywhere" Team were brought in to consult. Chief Jeep enthusiast Bubba "The Bubster" Plotts examined the problem for less than a minute before telling the NASA technicians to "Put it in Low."

When cheers broke out after Opportunity reported back that it was clear of the sand, "The Bubster" snorted, "City boys. They think they know everything."

The Jeep team also made several design suggestions before leaving the NASA center. Among the ideas were a gun rack, flames painted along the sides of the chassis, and a cup holder. As one of the Jeep members said, "Hey if you find water, where are you going to put it?"

A Question.

I know that since it's Sunday, I may not get as many people as on a weekday, but I just have to ask these questions.

Do you put ketchup on your scrambled eggs, and what part of the country are you in?

This is part of my reasearch in finding if anywhere else in the US has food as good as in Buffalo...

We'll get into pizza and wings some other time.

Bad Joke Time

Accountants and Engineers on a Train

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a
conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch
as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an
accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the
train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers
cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around
collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket,
please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket
in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So
after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the
return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all). When
they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.

To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How
are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. When they board the train the
three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into
another one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks
over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the
door and says, "Ticket, please."

Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn Pictures

Last week, Harvey gave us a few images of Evil Glenn to use in a Filthy Lie.

Thanks to my newfound best friend, Gimp (and some budding image manipulation skills), I now have Potoshopic photographic evidence of some of Evil Glenn's evil activities.

First, we see Evil Glenn getting ready to dig into a fresh puppy sandwich, with the leftovers to go into the blender!

Next, we see Evil Glenn posing for the camera just before he kills a well dressed hobo with his trusty hobo-whacking bat.

And finally, we see Evil Glenn helping his students perfect The Robot Dance. If you look closely, you can see Evil Glenn's robotic remote controller in his hands!

It won't be long now before we find Photoshopic photographic evidence proving the rest of our Filthy Lies about Evil Glenn!

Some thoughts.

* It hit 90 deg F today! Well, unofficially anyways. Officially, it only got up to 83 deg at the Buffalo Airport, (where our official weather observations are made.) But on the thermometer at work, which is kept in the shade, it got all the way up to 90.5 F. Fortunately, there was rather low humidity, so it wasn't too bad. Not like tomorrow's forecast though...

* Does anyone else get thirsty when eating an Ice-cream Bar? It seems like whenever I buy one to cool down (Yeah right, like that's the only reason.) I end up getting water right afterwards. There should be some sort of package deal.

* I got out of work a little early today, so I went and checked out the new Scooter Store that opened around the corner. Not bad little things. The prices on them run from about $999 to $2,000 and they get from 80 to 100 MPG. With the cheaper ones getting the best mileage. Too bad you can only drive the small ones (under 30 MPH) without a motorcycle license. To drive anything that can go faster, you'd be able to ride a regular motorcycle, so why bother. Although, most regular motorcycles don't get 80 miles to the gallon...

* We have a slight pigeon problem at work. All right, the stupid little things are driving us crazy. One of my uncles mentioned that some of his friends trap feral pigeons and sell them to hunting clubs for training pointers. Of course, my first response was to check the internet to see if this was something I could use. (Yeah, I might be a little addicted to the web.) What I found was pretty interesting. Live traps, generally run $75 to $100 with some huge ones that will hold up to a hundred birds at about $200. So trapping them seems feasible.

Not so much luck on finding a way to sell them though. I couldn't find any hunting clubs on-line that were looking to buy any. Our best bet would be to find a gourmet restaurant and supply them with squab. The prices on them can run up to $25 each! Or, if that doesn't work, we can paint them white and sell them to weddings at $150 a pair... technically, they are Rock Doves.

* I heard in the news that the Runaway Bride pled Nolo Contendre (or something Latin) to her charges. I don't think they're going to grant her bail though. She just might be a flight risk...

* I'm starting to get hungry, but I can't decide what I want to eat. Don't you just hate it when that happens? Nothing I can think of sounds good to me, not even Chinese take-out. (My standard fall-back meal.) I'm sure that I decide on something eventually. If not, I just go to bed hungry. It's happened before...

* By the way, I hate heights. Just thought I'd bring that up because I had to climb a couple of ladders and put some signs up really high. (Almost 12 feet up! Yeah, I know I'm a wimp.) I didn't fall off. But it was a close thing! (No, not really.) My theory is that since I fall down a lot while on the ground, I'm just tempting fate by climbing up too high.

PGHA: Zarqawi's Get Well Card

Last week, the news reported that Zarqawi, the Al Qaeda leader in Iraq had been wounded. Apparently, the other radical Moslem clerics supporting him released this information in an effort to get more Moslems to pray for Zarqawi's recovery.

And since we in the West are so sympathetic about other's injuries and infirmities, Harvey suggested at the Alliance that we should all send Zarqawi our own sympathies and some "get well" cards.

After searching Hallmark for about four nano-seconds, I decided that they just didn't have anything appropriate for a wounded, fanatical Islamo-Fascist Terrorist. So I sat down at the computer and worked on something of my own.

Here's the front of the card.

The inside is in the extended entry.

Oh, I almost forgot!

Hugs and Kisses - From the U.S. of A.