There's One, Only!

PGHA: Stolen Oil

With the price of oil and gasoline sky rocketing right now in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, I've heard some people asking what President Bush did with all that sweet crude oil he stole from the Iraqis?

The answer is simple. He's got it all in the world's largest water-bed. (It's kept in a secret chamber below the White House.) Although I guess you should call it an oil-bed....

Pretty kinky, Mr. President.

Walking between the raindrops.

You know what is one of the coolest feelings in the world? Walking across a parking lot while watching and hearing raindrops all around. Yet not having any hit you.

Pictures!

Yesterday, there was a guy down in the creek behind my family's business painting numbers and lines on the side of one of the bridge piers. He might have been D.O.T., or D.E.C., or maybe he was D.A.D.... I'm assuming that the lines are for the process of judging how much the creek rises during the upcoming rains from the remnants of Katrina. (The forecast is that it will start raining this afternoon/early evening with the high winds showing up around Wednesday Morning.)

Anyways, I didn't have my camera with me yesterday, so I couldn't take a picture of the process of the bridge being painted. But I did bring it in today, so here is a picture of the finished work.

The markings are in one foot intervals from the top of the bridge footer. (Which is about a foot off the bedrock of the creek.) This should give us a good idea of how deep the creek is running when it rains.

Also, in keeping with the theme of natural disasters, in the extended entry I have a couple of photographs of what appears to be a volcanic eruption south of my home. They were taken on August 2^nd of this year.

For extremely hi-res (3.2 Megapixels) versions of any of these photos, just let me know, and I can e-mail them to you.

Hurricane Tales

Well, like everyone else I expect, I spent much of the day watching the Hurricane Katrina coverage on the news. Fortunately, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. But it was still devestating. I'm sure that everyone's prayers are with the people who are affected.

The current storm track has the remnants of the storm (downgraded to a tropical depression) passing right over me here in Buffalo sometime Wednesday morning. So I guess I'll spend a lot of tomorrow making sure that everything is ready. It's only forecast to be 25 knot winds (about 30 mph) but that can still push stuff around. The meteorologists are also saying that we could be in for a lot of rain too. And I live right on the banks of a reletively large creek (almost a river!).

Fortunately, I live on the higher of the banks, so the other side floods much sooner than mine...

Walter Williams at his best

Found over at Right Wing News, (and through Conservative Grapevine) is a year's worth of quotes from Walter Williams. This guy is smart. And eloquent.

Read each and every one! Some of them are worth reading twice.

Another Silly Personality Test

Jimmy Stewart You scored 16% Tough, 9% Roguish, 71% Friendly, and 4% Charming!

You are the fun and friendly boy next door, the classic nice guy who still manages to get the girl most of the time. You're every nice girl's dreamboat, open and kind, nutty and charming, even a little mischievous at times, but always a real stand up guy. You're dependable and forthright, and women are drawn to your reliability, even as they're dazzled by your sense of adventure and fun. You try to be tough when you need to be, and will gladly stand up for any damsel in distress, but you'd rather catch a girl with a little bit of flair. Your leading ladies include Jean Arthur and Donna Reed, those sweet girl-next-door types. Find out what kind of classic dame you'd make by taking the Classic Dames Test.

Yeah, maybe I'm a little too friendly. And yes, I really do have that little charm.

Hat tip to Rocket Jones.

nited Nation

It's time to get the U.S. out of the United Nations!

Go to Bad Example for the code, and Steve the Pirate for the origin of this new blogroll.

Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn's Summer Camp

Last week, I got some spam in my e-mail for a fun new Summer Camp. Since I've got nothing better to post today, I thought I'd share it with you.

Come to the best camp in the world!

Come to Camp INSTACAMP!

Camp INSTACAMP caters to the young, impressionable bloggers looking for new skills; or who are trying to hone their existing talents. We offer many classes on internet posting, as well as a well rounded curriculum designed to sharpen both the mind and body of the blogger. Camp INSTACAMP has everything that a young blogger could ask for.

* Learn how to make multiple posts an hour using our handy-dandy comment system.

* Enjoy our high-energy, high-protein cuisine.

* Build your upper body strength with our patented Hobo-Flex exercise system.

* We now offer dance classes for the rythmically impaired.

* Alternative religions encouraged.

Camp INSTACAMP is filling up fast! So get your registration in today!

The one-week fee for Camp INSTACAMP is 2 puppies per person. For the two-week course, the fee is 3 puppies, or one German Shepherd. Or, enroll the whole family for the low-low price of one Saint Bernard!

(All registrants give up all claims to their souls from the date of signing and for perpetuity. If your soul is already the property of Evil Glenn or any of his subsidiaries, this provision may be waved upon completion of the penguin procurement form, P-27. All campers must also be in good standing with the Evil Glenn, Blogspere Overlord fan club.)

Four kinds of people.

The optimist says, "The glass is half full."

The pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."

The engineer says, "The glass is twice as large as the volume it needs to contain."

The polititian says, "It was like that when I got here!"

PGHA: Who would I demand to see?

If there was someone that I could camp out in front of his house until he agreed to see me, and then had to answer my question, who would it be? Who would I demand to stop whatever he was doing until he heard what I had to say? Who would I consider to be so important that I had to talk to him, while not caring what he was doing while I interrupted?

Who? And what would I ask?

Gee, I can't come up with anyone. Must be part of that Inferiority Complex that I'm trying to deal with.

Let me try to work up some righteous anger, and I'll be back.

****

I'm back.

At the moment, the only thing that I could think of that would come close, would be to demand to see the Clintons and find out what they really knew about the Abel Danger project. That is, if I could stand to be in the same room as either of them...

OK, about the fair.

I went with my folks, since they happened to get a few tickets from a friend and I had nothing better to do. And as we always do when we go during an afternoon, we started with the Ramblin' Lou Family Band.

Ramblin' Lou is an old friend of the family, and has been in radio for years. His whole family are very talented musicians, so the concert is always great to attend. Plus, Ramblin' Lou tells some pretty good jokes. Old, but good.

After that we pretty much just wandered around to all the different boothes and displays. We caught the end of a balancing act at one of the big show domes. The acrobat was doing strength stunts (like a one handed hand-stand) at the top off a tower made from about 12 wooden chairs (the bottom chair was balanced on top of four wine bottles).

There was also a nice little Birds Of Prey display. No eagles, but a couple of hawks, three or four falcons and a handful of owls.

Then we browsed the Agro Center. It's a large building that has mostly commercial displays. As opposed to the non-profit stuff like the birds... or cows.) There were the usual things there like juicers, windshield replacers, gutter helmets.

The one thing that really stood out for me was the display booth for something I think was called Starry Night or something. It was an incredible display. They had a small room set up with luminescent stars painted on the walls and ceiling. While the lights were on, you couldn't see anything unusual, just the regular ceiling and wall-paper. But when they turned off the light, an astronomically accurate star scape appeared. Then, after the saleswoman showed us a stargazer's trick I didn't know about (You rub your hands together to create some friction heat and then hold them over your eyes to warm and relax the muscles of your eyes. This allows you to get your night vision much faster.) the stars really came out. It was as good as being way out in the country on a moonless night. Plus, you could actually reach out and touch them.

Shortly after we left the Agro, the sky really clouded up. But we made it into one of the beer/food shelters about 15 seconds ahead of the downpour. Really good timing on that. It rained for about 25 minutes, and when it was over, we headed for the exit.

Fortunately for us, the path back to our car led us right by the Community Stage where a hypnotist was performing. We walked up right after he had put a large group of people under. And the, after weeding out the people who weren't responsive enough (or in one case, too hypnotized ... all he did was sit there slumped over.) he put them through his routine.

He made them see things, hear things, feel things. He made them laugh, cry, scream, and sing. He made them walk around like robots. He made them dance. Tap, tango, and J-Lo style. I have to admit that it was hilarious, but you will never get me up on stage with a hypnotist.

And that was how I spent my Sunday evening. Not too bad a way to end a weekend.

America's Fair

Just got home from the America's Fair. Formerly known as The Erie County Fair.

It's the largest (or second largest, the numbers could go either way) county fair in the United States, and only a few of the State Fairs are larger.

After all that walking around though, I'm a little tired. So I'll save what I saw for tomorrow.

We Are The Champions!!!!!

Well, OK, it was just a pre-season game. But it was against Green Bay!

That's two down, and ... well, the whole season to go.

Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn's Biography

Well, rumor has it that Evil Glenn is coming out with his very own autobiography. But that's all that the rumors are saying. No title, or ideas about the content are available yet.

However, my cracked research staff (an insomniac, a five-year old hyped up on M&Ms and a pink plastic flamingo) managed to find out a little more for us.

First thing they found was the proposed title:

It Takes A Blender

(Or: How I Learned to Use the Waring and Love My Dog

Then they found some of the reviews:

Revolting! - The New York Times

Nauseating! - The Washington Post

Delicious! - The Korea Herald

And finally, they found an excerpt from the book itself:

It was my tenth birthday, and I finally got the puppy that I always wanted. My mother warned me that I was responsible for it. But I believe that secretly, she was happy that I finally had someone to play with.

Later that evening, we had plans to go to the zoo where they were opening up the new penguin exhibit. I was just a little worried that the big blender convention in town was going to make things too crowded. But mother said that the only worry we would have is if the town's hoboes were forced out of the park where they normally stayed. Then they sometimes would hang out at the zoo...

A Blonde's Dog

The veterinarian told a blonde that her dog needed a lot more exercise. "You
need to make sure the dog runs around, the doctor said. Try playing a game
of fetch the ball."

"I can't play fetch with my dog," the blonde said.

"Why not?" the doctor asked.

"Because," she replied, "He can't throw."

PGHA: Running against Hillary

There was big news in New York last week. Jeanine Pirro, the Westchester County District Attorney, announced that she was running for the Republican nomination for Senate in 2006. (Currently, Hillary's seat.) She needs a little help though, she hasn't come up with a campaign slogan yet.

So I thought I'd give her a hand.

First, there's the rhyming slogans.

Vote for Pirro! She's our Hero!

- or -

Vote for Pirro! She's no Zero!

But those would only be good for bumper stickers.

It didn't work too well for Rick Lazio (the Republican candidate in 2000) but there is always:

Pirro. Because she's not Hillary.

Or we could try:

Pirro. She's actually from New York.

And along a similar line:

Pirro. Because New York should be represented by a New Yorker.

But no matter who runs against Hillary, I'm going to vote for him or her. Although, if Pirro does get the nomination, I wouldn't mind seeing:

Pirro! The other white chick!

Rank Adjustments

Pentagon, Washington - (A.P.) In a move expanding on the changes made last week by Adm. Timothy Keating at NORAD, the Department of the Navy has issued a change in the names of some of their ranks. Following both the NCAA tournement and NORAD, the Navy is eliminating all references to American Indians.

The rank of Chief Petty Officer will now be known as The S. O. B.. Or if female, The B****.

The rank of Senior Chief Petty Officer will now be known as The Boss.

The rank of Master Chief Petty Officer, in defference to both the American Indians and descendants of former slaves, will be reffered to in the first person as Your Majesty, and in the third person as The Right Hand of God.

And the Master Chief of the Navy will of course be known to Admirals and Seamen alike, simply as God Himself.

Most of these changes will not be noticable to the lower ranks of the Navy.

(Inspired by Scrappleface.)

A word of advice

While corn on the cob is a finger food, it is not compatable with driving.

Nothing to say

Blah

bla bla bla.

bla bla bla bla bla blah!

bla bla bla bla.

(See. I told you.)

I love NFL Films.

Watching the 2004 season film before the pre-season game and I was struck by how great the Bills were last year. According to NFL Films anyways.

The guys who edit those films are great. They can take a loosing team and make them look good. They can take a slightly above average team and make you wonder why they didn't win the Super Bowl.

To be honest, the Bills were only a little above average last year. But they did have some pretty awesome highlights. I forgot how many kicks they returned for touchdowns last year.

GO BILLS!!!!!

WOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Bills Football starts in half an hour with their first Pre-Season game!

And it's even on TV!

(Good thing too. My football withdrawal was getting pretty bad...)

Fake Quote Roundup.

The Evil Glenn fake quote roundups are going up over at The Alliance. I did section S - Z. The rest are there too.

I need a girlfriend...

Or at least a hobby.

There's something wrong when the highlight of your week is dining out at a Chinese restaurant while reading a book on a friday night.

(Don't worry, I didn't forget the fortune cookie. It said something about "You are the center of everyone around you")

But even with the fun of reading insightfull (or not) sayings out of a cookie, it's still a pretty booring way to spend a Friday night.

So I figure that I need something to occupy my time. Other than blogging, that is. This is fun and all, but still only occupies an hour or two, tops. And I really think that I'm starting to need real human interaction of some sort. Something...

Girlfriend or hobby?

Hmm... which one could I afford?

Looky!

I added an icon to my site! Thanks to basil, posting the web tip over at the Alliance.

He and phin are putting up some real good tips on blogging (mostly technical stuff) every week or so.

Oh... my bad.

Last night, I tried to register for DirecTV's online services. I wanted to check my accound info and see what kinds of special offers they had. However, it seemed that I had already registered, so all I had to do was remember the login name I used, and the password.

The user-name that I tried seemed to work, but none of my usual passwords did. And when I tried the "Forgot My Password" link (which asked for the user-name), nothing was showing up in my e-mail. So I tried the "Forgot My User-Name" link (which asked for my e-mail) and none of my current or past e-mail accounts were recognized.

OK. Now I was a little ... irked. So I called the 800 problem number that was in the corner of the screen. I just wanted to have somebody reset my account so I could login and start over. After about 15 minutes of pressing numbers, I finally talked to a human. Unfortunately, what I wanted (the above mentioned resetting of the account) was something that required a speciallist.

Eventually, (I think it was about 20 more minutes of listening to elevator music.) I talked to the speciallist who was able to reset the password for me. (As well as tell me the correct user-name.) It took about three minutes of checking my account info, and five seconds of computer work.

So now I could get into my account. (Yay!) The first thing I did was check the account info to see what e-mail account I had used. It was my main account, but with one thing wrong. Verizon accounts have a .net suffix. I had used .com. Oops.

And to the poor guy who uses the user-name that I thought was mine, sorry about the fifteen or twenty password requests you got in your e-mail.

PGHA: MSM Coverups

It looks like the Main Stream Media is trying to cover up for their little cousin Air America. The coverage of Air America's near outright theft of funds from poor children in New York City is getting about as much press time as the Third Annual Wisconsin Nose Picking Contest.

But if the MSM is covering up this scandal - or at least burying it, the question raised is:

What scandals about themselves are the Mainstream Media trying to keep quiet?

So I gathered together a select group of investigators to see what juicy tidbits they could find.

The first story that my cracked research team found was:

New York Times Staff Beats Up Old Ladies at Nursing Home. - On July 14th, the entire editorial staff of the New York Times was convicted of running a protection racket which extorted money from several Long Island senior care facilities. One elderly woman claims that she was repeatedly beaten by the "hard hitting" political writers when she was a little slow in handing over her life savings.

Rampant Steroid Abuse at CNN. - Shortly following the Congressional hearings on steroid use in Major League Baseball was a much lesser known investigation into the employment of performance enhancing drugs at CNN. One testifier, who requested anonymity, stated, "Some of them just felt that they needed that edge to really run down a story and get the best scoop." Several reporters were given 10 broadcast suspensions, but the Reporter's Union is appealing.

Air America Personalities Charged With Cruelty to Animals. A recent raid by the ASPCA (American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) netted over 30 very ill Nicaraguan Poison Arrow Frogs. Charges against the Air America employees state that they were licking the frogs in an attempt to use the hallucinogenic properties of the frogs secretions to alter their perceptions of reality. (Perhaps an explanation for their so called "reality based" programing.) However, the sharp tongued radio broadcasters succeeded only in slicing the backs of the tiny amphibians.

Yay!

Discovery just touched down with no problems. They're home.

Keys

No, I'm not key-blogging again.

I need to talk about my Dad's keys. Or rather what he does with them.

I work for my Dad, so I see him every day. And almost without fail, every day I see his keys. This is because he tends to leave them in whatever he unlocks. If he's locking something, then he'll put the keys back in his pocket. But if it is something that he unlocks, I'll find the keys there. Sometimes hours later.

Part of the problem is that he has three sets of keys. Plus there is a business set he uses too. So, whenever he uses one, he doesn't always notice that it's missing until later. And then when he needs one of them and he doesn't have it, he either sends me to get them; or, if it's a key I have, takes mine.

But the part that's the real pain is the one small set of keys he leaves in a certain door. It's in a really cramped spot, and I often back into the door. And right into the keys. Right into my lower back. If I was a little taller, it would probably stab me in the butt (an unfortunately well padded area) but at my height, it jabs right into my kidney.

Of course, the worst thing about this whole deal is that my Grandmother also has a habit of doing this... so it could be hereditary!

A question

If you have two bottles of Half & Half, is that equal to one bottle of Whole & Whole?

My Avatar

Well, this is going in the sidebar too, but here's a look at a computer generated image of my face.

... I had to add the grey in my hair using Gimp. The avatar program's hair color selection was an all or nothing thing.

Found this over at Susie's Practical Penumbra. (Who found it over at Bad Example ... somewhere I couldn't see)

Yay!

They got to them in time! Although there were a lot of confusing reports on how much air the trapped crew of the Russian Submersible had left, apparently it was enough.

I just hope that they don't suffer too many effects of being down at those pressures for so long. The Bends are a really nasty way to die. But I know that the rescuers had provisions set up for all of those problems.

In any case, to the handlers of the British unmanned rescue craft, great job!

Went Golfing Today...

First time in two years. I didn't do too bad. We only played 9 holes, and I shot a 60.

Which for me is about average.

I did get par on the 2nd hole though! Too bad about the 8s and 9s I shot on four or five of the other holes...

Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn and NASA

Cape Canaveral, FL - Yesterday, rumors of a shake up of the top officials at NASA were confirmed with the appointment of Evil Glenn Reynolds as the new head of Space Flight Operations. In a press briefing earlier, he promised to make future missions as safe as possible for all astronauts. Or, failing that, entirely staff the space flights with homeless people. "After all," he was quoted as saying, "who'd miss them?"

He also announced plans for an extensive series of orbital mapping missions over the South Pole. He planned to use newly designed cameras that would, as he put it, "...show you details down to the finest penguin feather."

In another sweeping move, he stated that he would be personally taking over all the dietary planning for future flights. This announcement was followed by a sample of the energy smoothies he intends on using which were given out to the entire press corps. Said one reporter, "It was barking good!"

Most were skeptical of his plans to launch several dozen missions per day, however. His logic of -

"If I can post a couple of hundred times during lunch, why can't we launch a few dozen rockets each day? It's not like you have to do more than count backwards from 10. Heck that's easier to do than typing 'Indeed'! You don't even have to link to anything."

I'm so jealous.

The guys (and girl) who do the IMAO podcast are so talented that I despair of ever being as funny as them. It was bad enough when they were just writing for IMAO, but now that they've gotten so good at podcasting, there is no way to equal them.

Man, now I'm depressed too.

PGHA: The UN-ternet

Hmmm. So the U.N. thinks that it should control the internet.

Yeah, that should be good. Let's see, a huge bloated and corrupt bureaucracy controlling the transfer of information across the world. Who wouldn't want them to be in charge?

Aside from everyone with any brains, that is.

No, to be honest I'm sure that all of the worlds pedophiles would love this to happen. After all, everyone knows that wherever there is rape and molestation, you'll find the U.N.

Although I can't say that I would hold out much hope for the same freedoms of political speech. I could only imagine the reaction to someone writing about how corrupt the U.N. is. But on the other hand, even with all the weight of an U.N. Special Resolution brought to bear on a blogger, I can't see the U.N. actually stopping anyone.

On the other hand, look for official approval of all anti-Semitic sites.

@#^!*?!^$%@*

Groan.

Last night, I smashed the little toe on my left foot against the frame of my bed. A metal frame.

I almost gained the ability to count to 21.

It was ... well, less painful by morning. But I just spent the whole day walking around (or rather, limping around) on it. Once I got used to the pressure of the shoe on it, it wasn't too bad. But I still was limping right untill I got home.

The worst part was actually the few times when it wasn't hurting enough for me to notice it. Then I'd do something stupid like making a sharp turn on that foot. Or my personal favorite unconscious habit, tapping the toe of my shoe behind me when I lean on the counter. That brought a whole world of new pain.

And just because I know that everybody love stick art. I drew a little comic of how I hurt myself. It's in the extended entry.

(Believe it or not, I really didn't swear when I did this.)

From the comics

Every day, at some point, I like to read the comics. I'd even go so far as to say that my day isn't complete until I've read them. But I don't read the paper, so I get my comics fix from Comics.com.

I actually get a lot more comics than are offered in my local paper and only have to miss a couple of the ones that are offered in the paper. Like Cathy. Not a big loss there.

But one of the things that I've noticed is that there is a slight Liberal slant to a lot of the comics. Not a real surprise. But I'll also be the first to admit to some of them having a definite Conservative angle. B.C. immediately jumps to mind.

All of this leads me to something that's popped up in the last couple of weeks. After the Supreme Court ruled that it was Constitutional for local governments to take your property away as long as they were going to get more taxes, several comics have had plots revolving around that issue. But they all are coming from the point that it's the BIG BUSINESSES who are the bad guys. And that they are being backed by the evil Republicans.

What they don't seem to realize is that it's the BIG GOVERNMENT that is the bad-guy here. The Liberals in the Supreme Court basically allowed a law that is against the Fifth Amendment on the basis of more taxes being de-facto good for the public. Basically saying that it is alright for the local government to force you to sell your property even if it is going to another private owner or larger business, as long as more tax revenue will probably be generated.

If this was an issue forced by Conservatives, the whole law would be that local government could not prevent someone from selling their home to a big business as long as both parties agree to the contract.

This has actually been a problem in some of the suburbs of Buffalo in recent years. A couple of the 'burbs, with images to maintain have successfully prevented some of the larger businesses, like Wal-mart, Tops, and Target from putting up new sites. Usually by not allowing them zoning approval, but sometimes by direct legal action.

And just this last week, one town passed a low banning drive-thrus at new businesses. (The McDonalds gets grand-fathered in, and can keep their's.) The only businesses that this will hurt are the proposed Starbucks and Tim Horton's. Although, some also want to use it to remove the bank drive-thru tellers as well.

Ostensibly, this was promoted as a way to "maintain the image of the town." But one of the leading proponents, on local radio, said that it was a way to reduce vehicle emissions in the town. Apparently, sitting in line idling for 5 minutes causes more greenhouse gases than finding a parking-spot, turning off the car, restarting it 10 minutes later after waiting in line inside the store, restarting the car (when most of the wear and tear is done to an engine), and then trying to back out while 2 more people are trying to get into your parking spot. Yeah, that cuts a lot of emissions.

The best part of that interview was when the host commented that if she wanted to cut down on her driving that was one thing, but did she really think that she had the right to tell others what to do, she replied, "Of course." Basically the same old I'm smarter than you, so do what I say. mentality.