There's One, Only!

Rant, delayed.

About halfway through the day, I had a nice long rant about running a carwash all blocked out in my head. Something along the lines of: “Thoughts from the entrance of a carwash.”

But frankly, I’m too tired.

I’m just glad that my main character on World of Warcraft is a hunter, not a healer. I really feel like killing stuff tonight.

Expectations

I treat every new customer with the assumption that they are functionally literate, have a reasonable amount of intelligence, are capable of following basic instructions, and have some communication skills. After all, they’re driving up to a car wash, and must have all or most of those skills in order to have received their Driver’s License. Right?

You’d think I would be used to the disappointment by now…

Oh. I've been tempted...

Man gets shot to avoid work.

Groundhog Day

Who else thinks that Groundhog Day should be playing non-stop on TV today?

*Gigglesnort*

Update: Now this is an example of "Heres something to make you laugh. Rember our name." advertising.

I'm back

Well, after a long, unexplained absence, I'm back.

I guess you could blame my dissapearance on a combination of excessive work and World of Warcraft.

Mostly work, unfortunately.

However, irregular posting should be returning shortly.

No Halo 3 for me...

I successfully talked myself out of buying an XBox 360 at Sam's Club today. Even though they've got copies of Halo 3 in stock.

...not that playing Halo 3 in my little free time could make me blog any less than I already am.

Arrrrr.

It be the day what everyone should be talkin' like a pirate!

Arrrrr.

Half-truths

I tell people all the time that I walk to work in all weather, all year round.

What I often don't tell them is that I live next door. On the other side of a shared driveway.

Pronouns

Around here at work, we have an unusual way of using pronouns. (And by we, I mean everyone else…)
Let me give you a couple examples…

Said to me: - What it means:
“We have to get this done.” - I have to get something done.
“I need to do something.” - We need to do something.
“You need to do this.” - OK. That one means what it says…

It’s not too confusing once you learn the rules.

'Tis merely a flesh wound...

Just as with any wild animal, once a power-tool has tasted human blood, it must be put down to prevent it from attacking another person.

On the other hand, there's an even chance that on the next full moon I'll transform into some sort of rotary-saw were-beast...

The hidden cost of wind power

For the last several months, we’ve been seeing bits of windmills go by our place. The 40’ long propellers usually go by in sets of three trucks (two propellers per truck).

The towers appear to be made up of three sections. At least that’s what we think from seeing three different sized tubes go by every couple of days. The narrowest is about 10’ wide, with the widest looking about 20’ wide.

Which is where the problem today came from. One of the base sections for these windmills took down a Time-Warner cable line running across the street. Snagged it and tore it clean off the telephone poles.

Right now, the transportation crew for the windmill tower is sitting there, blocking half the road, waiting for a Time-Warner crew to come and fix the cable. (I can only guess what kind of trouble they’d get into if they left the scene before they were allowed to.)

So when you see that maintenance fee on your Time-Warner bill, remember, it’s all part of the cost of wind power.

Update: From reports in the paper, I think the same crew knocked down a power line and put the lights out for an entire side-street last night.

Someday...

Someday, I'd like to get something delivered in a crate.

Like this.

Lack of posting...

I'm sure all of you readers are wondering why I haven't been posting very often. (Well, by "all", I should say some. And probably more correctly, both. And instead of "are" say "aren't".) But I have a good explanation. It's for your own protection.

Seriously.

I could be cat-blogging.

I could be writing posts about how my cat, Oreo, likes to playfully (and annoyingly) attack the power cord of my computer whenever she sees it.

But I won't.

I could be telling all of you about the cute way her tail twitches right before she pounces on my mouse (Logitech-wireless). Or about how she likes to bat the battery around the covers of my bed while I'm trying to change it.

But I won't.

I could be posting about how she lovingly demands all of my attention by rubbing against my legs, or batting at my hands. Especially when I'm in the bathroom trying to shave.

But I won't.

I could be putting up cute cat-pictures. Like this one.

But I won't.

See. I was just protecting all of you.

What are they making these things out of?

Anyone out there ever had to change a tire on a Kia? What do they make the tire lugs out of? Paper Mache?

My Mom's got one of those Sportages, and over the course of a few years of brake jobs and tire changes (lots of them... a result of her job) I've broken at least 6 tire lugs. My Dad's broken a couple others. Without using power tools, just a four-way! (And let me tell you, pressing in new lugs is no fun without the right tools.)

Today, another flat necessitated a change. And to remove the stupid locking lugnut that keeps the spare from getting stolen, I used a 7" crescent wrench. And snapped that lug off! With a 7" wrench!

Apparently, I'm stronger than I thought...

Gah

It's not even summer and these warm, muggy days are getting to me. I'm seriously considering shaving my chest.

I'm not the hairiest man in the world (maybe in my family...) but I'm getting desperate.

New Header

A quick thanks to blog-dad Harvey for the inspiration for the new header up top.. He found me a sign in response to my post of a few days ago, and I liked it so much I thought that I'd put it up there for a while.

Now I just need to think of some better things to talk about...

Signs

Is it considered discrimination to post a "NO STUPID PEOPLE!" sign at the entrance to my place of employment?

I bet the ACLU would feel they have to support most of their members.

And I'm guessing a "NO ILLITERATE PEOPLE!" sign would be pretty useless...

It figures...

We've had some nice, warm days here lately. So I finally decided to get my spring haircut. All that wild, unruly hair that kept my neck and ears from freezing during the winter is now gone.

...And it's supposed to get down to the low 20's tonight.

No matter how hard I try, I can't bite my own nose.

Gettin' old.

I used to be able to roll out of bed, and while not be bright eyed and bushy tailed, at least able to funtion.

Then I started needing a cup of coffee each morning before full functionality would commence.

Now, unless that coffee is chasing a couple Advil, various joints don't quite operate properly.

I can't wait till I'm 40...

State Employees

Got this link in an e-mail from my Dad. And yeah, this is pretty much how I'd expect my State Government's employees to react.

Silver Linings

With everything in life, if you look hard enough, you can always find a silver lining. Sometimes it's easy. Often it's hard.

Personally, I've found a few over the last couple of weeks. You can use these examples to help you find your own silver linings.

Sick for a week with a head cold?
With the stuffed up nose and ears, I kind of sound like Christopher Walken... at least to myself.

Bloody nose from blowing it so much?
The blood flowing through my mustache changed some of those silver hairs to red highlihts.

Working long hours for low pay?
I don't have enough time to spend more than I make.

No Wii's in any of the stores?
.
.
.
Ok, you got me. There's no silver lining here.

Chopsticks

Now, as far as I can tell, there is not one drop of Oriental, or even Asian blood in my family tree. Not that that would be a bad thing. It's just a fact about my lineage.

And yet, I can use chopsticks with the most profficent of abilities. In fact, when eating certain cuisine (Chinese, naturally) I find it is quicker and easier to use chopsticks than a knife, fork and spoon.

* A quick aside. Does anyone remember an early movie of Jimmy Stewart's called Pot o' Gold, where he's the nephew of a cereal manufacturer who's having a feud with a bording-house full of musicians? The musicians have a song they sing before each dinner called "A Knife, A Fork And A Spoon." And now I can't get it out of my head. But it's still a good movie.

I guess thinking of the origin of my chopstick skills, it'd have to have come from my Dad. Not that he's a master at using them, but since he was in the Navy when I was a small child, he'd bring back stuff from over-seas. And one of the things he brought back was a family-sized packet of fancy choptsticks. Thinking a little harder, I seem now to remember many, many bowls of Ramen Noodles eaten with said chopsticks...

Ah, Ramen Noodles.

Well, what do you know? Mystery solved.

So, are there any other non-orientals who are good with chopsticks?

In fact. Here's a poll!

Hope Everyone Had A Merry Christmas!

Sorry I forgot to do this in time for the actual holiday. It's not that I was too busy... I know I could have fit a 5 minute typing session in there somewhere.

I guess my muse went south for the winter, and most of the fall, and part of the summer. Either that, or I've just been pretty lazy.

Probably the second reason.

Oh! I got a great idea!

You know how when you can't figure out what to buy for someone, (especially when they've already got just about everything) you make a donation of some sort in their name? Like the wedding I went to where instead of party favors, everyone at the reception got a little card saying that $10 had been donated in their name to UNICEF or something. But what charity organization to donate to that would show the real Christmas Spirit?

Well, there is no greater gift than the gift of life. And how can you give life? (Other than that tedious 9 month thing that only women can do.) By signing up for the organ donor list!

So there you have it! Sign up that special someone for the Organ Donor List for Christmas. I'm sure they'll appreciate the wonderful honor that you're showing them.

Answer to the Peeling Question

I peeled exactly one plethora of apples. And half a thumb... but no one really cares about that.

Just in case anyone was wondering, a plethora is equivalent to about 100 pounds of apples. Which is around 250 or so individual apples...

And before anyone asks, yes, we did have an automatic peeler available, but it wastes too much apple. Unfortunately, I am a much more efficient peeler by hand. (Less peel, more apple left over.)

A couple of quick Thanksgving questions...

One. Since Thanksgiving was officially recognized as a national holiday by President Lincoln during the Civil War, do any Southerners celebrate it?

And Two. Can anyone guess how many apples I peeled this week?

Yesterday...

All my troubles seemed so far away. And then I woke up.

I should have known it was going to be a long day from the beginning.

First, on my way out the door to walk to work (I live next door, and the parking lot for work is actually farther away than my front door, so 'driving' to work would mean I'd have to walk farther...) I slipped on a pair of work shoes. I was going in about 10-15 minutes early so I could get a cup of coffee before my shift started, and everything was looking good.

As I poured my coffee at work, I noticed that my left shoe felt like it wasn't fitting right. I sat down, pulled it off, and discovered that it didn't match the right one. Great. I had one non-slip shoe on and one no-tread-left shoe. Both were black, so that explained why I made the mistake... I guess.

So it was walk back home, and find the correct left shoe and then walk back. Coffee time all gone.

Now, we get swamped with customers. And I use 'swamped' in all it's damp and humid glory. After putting a coupled dozen cars through the wash, my glasses were so fogged up I had to take them off... working blind is soooooo much fun.

Well, eventually, the rush ended and I went back home to put in my contacts. I hadn't worn them for about a week after getting some bad eye strain around Halloween. I was halfway back out the door when my left eye started to bother me again. So I pop the contact back out and look at it a little more closely than before.

What do you know? Part of the edge is missing and it's now an oval instead of a circle. Well, that would explain the eyestrain... So toss that one and dig out another from the package. Gonna have to go get that perscription filled again soon now.

After that, there were no more surprises, but a long slog of a day.

At least the Sabres won again.... I just wish they wouldn't keep spotting their opponents 2 goals before they start playing themselves.

You know what's really annoying?

Watching CSI: MIAMI and shouting "DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN!" every time there's a plot twist.

Probably one of the many reasons why I don't have too many people to watch TV with....

Oh joy.

Thanks to the wonderful freak snowstorm of last week, the school portion of property tax collection for my town was posponed one week. To today.

Now, being the good citizen that I am, I don't want them to get my money one day before I absolutley have to hand over the check. So I get to pay this not insignificant portion of my income to the government on my birthday...

Should I wrap it up in fancy paper for them?

Football Fun.

One of my Senators, Chucky "Shmucky" Schumer is aparently a proponent of revenue sharing in the NFL to help small market teams. Something that I have to say that I somewhat agree with, having the Bills (a small market team) as MY TEAM.

Anyways, after meeting with the Bills owner, Ralph "The Oldest Man in the NFL" Wilson, Schumer had a press conference where he stated that the NFL had until the end of this season to come up with a fair revenue sharing program. And that he would be on them like "White on Rice" until they met his standards.

There's just one thing that's confusing me. Wasn't Reggie White a Defensive Lineman? I can't ever remember him dropping back to cover a Wide Receiver. Much less one of the skill of Jerry Rice.

Does this mean that Schumer is just showing blitz but plans on doing nothing? Hmmm....

Oops

Looks like I missed my Blog-Father's Birthday yesterday.

Happy Birthday Harvey!

There. Got that out of the way.

Anyways, it looks like he was expecting something blue for his birthday... well... I've got nothing. I can't even find any Grafiti Currency with blue writing on it.

That makes me so sad. :(

Hey! There I go. I was sad about not having a present for Harvey. Making me blue!

Too bad that thought just made me happy. Oh well. I hope you enjoyed it while it lasted Harv. ;P

I'm Back. The Haiku.

Busy, so busy.
Working in the summer heat.
Too lazy to blog.

Duck Diving

A couple of weeks back (maybe 3...), my Dad adopted a bunch of mallard ducklings that were orphaned in front of my house. (Which is also right next to where I work. Great commute, but a pain being on call 24/7.)

Well, today we finally figured out how to use his digital camera to record them going for one of their daily swims in my pool.

The ducks are named (in no particular order... and frankly, we can't tell which are which) Huey, Dewey, Louie, Wrongway Harrigan and Houdini.

And they LOVE going swimming in the pool!

Well, I may be overworked and crazy...

But at least I still remember all of my 8th grade math skills!

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct!

(I don't remember where I found this... it's been sitting in the draft folder for a few days.)

Another long day at work

But I did manage to finish it with "Seven Bridges Road"-Eagles, "Free Bird"-Lynyrd Skynyrd, "Shambala"-Three Dog Night, and "God Bless the USA"-Lee Greenwood.

So I'd have to say that it wasn't a total loss.

Presidential Poll

I did an informal poll today of the voices in my head, on who they would like to see as the next President of the United States.

In a survey of 1527 voices, there were 1525 responding, one abstaining and once just barking like a dog.

Condaleeza Rice came out way ahead with a solid 61% (930). George Allen had a good showing of 31% (472). And John McCain came in a distant third with 8% (122).

Hillary Clinton, surpisingly managed to get a vote from one of the voices, (we don't talk to that one any more) but it wasn't enough to garner a whole percentage point.

Early results had Allen in the lead until one of the voices came up with the idea of Condi campaigning as an Amazon Warrior Goddess. A sizable portion of the voices quickly switched over to her camp immediately.

The Hillary supporter tried to counter with a similar campaign for Clinton. However, it completely backfired as it actually cost Hillary several votes and almost pushed her off the poll entirely.

So there you have it. Our results show that Condi should have a good campaign providing she leans heavily on the whole Warrior Goddess theme in the run up to 2008.

Sorry, no PHGA yet....

It was just too bloody hot all day. And I can't find any energy left after working all day in that humidity... maybe in the morning I'll come up with something.

Oh yeah, go Sabres!

RIP?

I have a compression strap on my right arm (right below the elbow) to help alleviate some of the pain from the tendonitis I have while I work. Because it's black, some people think I'm in mourning for some guy named ACE...

Oh no!

I missed the Filthy Lie this weekend. I hope that Harvey doesn't revoke my Alliance Membership. I did manage to get the round-up done earlier today so that should help.

Basically what happened was Friday, when I normally type up my entry (I know, procrastination is my middle name) I got really slammed at work. We did some major remodeling to the store, which took up a lot of time. And energy. And I was too beat at the end of the day to do it when I got home.

Saturday dawned cold and dreary. No problem as I was taking the opportunity to sleep in. Then I went outside to mow the lawn... some parts of it for the first time this year. But as I was getting the mower out, I was asked to make an emergency trip to the Sam's Club for business supplies. (One of the drawbacks to living next door to work is getting asked to do errands on your own time.) No problem. I figured that I could run to the store and be back before the Sabres game easy.

I did. And the game was great to watch. Buffalo won 3-2. And I looked cool in the Sabres t-shirt I picked up at Sams.

OK, the Sabres game ended and I went outside to mow... hay my back yard. I got about half way through it before I couldn't get the mower to restart. (I was practically pull starting it around the lawn. Long, wet grass tends to bog down a mower, don't you know.) I yanked the sparkplug out. Very carbonized. It's my dad's mower and he hadn't changed the plug since.... well, ever I think.

So a trip up to the hardware store later, I was back mowing the lawn. (Clearing the air-filter really helped it run better too.)

Eventually, I finished the 30min job in just under 2 hours. And since I was so physically beat from all that, I had no choice but to play World of Warcraft for a while. (I'm still working on leveling up a Rogue alt.)

And that's my lame excuse for why I never got a filthy lie written.

(I suppose I could have just spent this time writing a filthy lie, but where would the fun been in that?)

Free.... free falling

You know that feeling right between when you think your foot should have touched the ground (as you step off what you thought wass the last rung of a ladder) and the time when you actually do?

I do, now.

I keep telling everyone there's a reason I don't like heights... but do they listen?

One-thousand one.... one-thousand two

With the Five Second Rule of dropped food, does the food have to be picked up within five seconds, or do you just have to say "Five Second Rule" within the five seconds? What if you're alone?

And what about dropped food that lands on the table? Is it still just 5 seconds or do you get extra time because the table should be cleaner than the floor?

And a Spacemonkey corrolary, (not that I think he would ever bring himself so low as to read this blog) would you wipe up gravy off the table with your finger and lick it? Assuming all the Five Second Rule criteria were met.

Newer Logo

How's this one?

Oh man, I wish I drank.

'Cause then I'd have a better reason for feeling this bad this morning. Ah, stuffed up sinuses. All the pain of The Morning After without the fun of The Night Before.

Anyways, the Sabres won 3-2 over the Flyers last night... in the second overtime. I've got to give a lot of credit to the Flyers' goalie Robert Esche. Without his stellar performance, the score would have been closer to 8-2 Sabres.

Well, it looks like my sinus meds are kicking in. So no more headache! Now for some lunch. I think I'll make a corned beef sandwich...

Bad, Harvey!

Sometimes I'm so ashamed of my Blog-family.... but I thought that blog-father Harvey lived in Wisconsin. Maybe he had a long commute.

Just out of curiosity...

What would YOU do for a Klondike Bar?

12 Things Meme.

Sometime recently, I was tagged by ArmyWifeToddlerMom with this silly Meme...

1: Black and White or Color; how do you prefer your movies?

-I like more Black and White movies than color ones. Mostly because they seem to have been better written. But that may just be a result of having only the really good ones left around to watch. I just watched Hope and Crosby in "Road to Bali" for like the dozenth time. It may be in color, but it was written like a black and white movie.

2: What is the one single subject that bores you to near-death?

-I'd have to say celebrities. The whole paparazzi thing kind of disgusts me too...

3: MP3s, CDs, Tapes or Records: what is your favorite medium for prerecorded music?

-Definitely CDs. Although I'm not above using I-tunes.

4: You are handed one first class trip plane ticket to anywhere in the world and ten million dollars cash. All of this is yours provided that you leave and not tell anyone where you are going ... Ever. This includes family, friends, everyone. Would you take the money and ticket and run?

-The way I've been feeling lately, no problem. Besides, none of my internet friends know what I look like, so I could just re-make friends under a pseudonym. (Loophole!)

5: Seriously, what do you consider the world's most pressing issue now?

-Terrorists

6: How would you rectify the world's most pressing issue?

-Not letting sponsoring countries to get away with under the table dealings with terrorists. Oh, and since most of the world's terrorists are Islamo-Fascists: bacon. Lots and lots of bacon.

7: You are given the chance to go back and change one thing in your life; what would that be?

-"Regrets. I've had a few. But then again, too many to mention."

I wouldn't change anything. Any change would make the person who I am right now cease to exist. That is, the collection of the sum total of my life experiences. And since I'm opposed to suicide, philosophical or otherwise, I wouldn't change anything. Not that I don't have lots of regrets.

8: You are given the chance to go back and change one event in world history, what would that be?

-Pretty much same answer as above. I know lots of bad stuff has happened in the world. But too much good stuff came out of an awful lot of bad things. And since I'm not God, I don't want to be responsible for the changes.

9: A night at the opera, or a night at the Grand Ole' Opry --Which do you choose?

-I love "Night at the Opera"!!! It's one of my favorite Marx Bro. movies. On the other hand, I'm a big country music fan. So that ones a toss up.

10: What is the one great unsolved crime of all time you'd like to solve?

-I'd really like to know what happened to... nope. Can't think of anything right now.

11: One famous author can come to dinner with you. Who would that be, and what would you serve for the meal?

-For serious dinner discussion, C. S. Lewis. If I was having tacos or something and wanted a good laugh, Terry Pratchett.

12: You discover that John Lennon was right, that there is no hell below us, and above us there is only sky -- what's the first immoral thing you might do to celebrate this fact?

-Gee, celebrating pointlessness? I don't know... head down to Mardi Gras maybe.

Sorry, not going to tag anyone. But if anyone wants to try this themselves...

Deciphering the "code"

I was listening to the radio, and the station that was on had an ad for an opening in their marketing department. One of the parts of the ad mentioned "cutting edge training."

What I was wondering, does that refer to using high tech teaching methods? Or does it mean that you'll be taught proffesional knife-work?

Why?

Why is it that when I have a long day (and an exhausting one) and am looking at another long one tomorrow, that I can't get to sleep?

And to top it off, I'm having trouble posting too....

Why?

Why is it that when I have a long day at work, (an energy sapping one) and I know that I'm going to have another one tomorrow... I can't seem to get to sleep?

Groan.

It's just not my day...

Had Chinese take-out for dinner, and here's my fortune:

Pick another fortune cookie.

I'm not going to bother with the lucky numbers...

A Holiday Treat

Here's a Holiday recipe I posted once before a while back. But I feel like recycling....

FRUIT CAKE RECIPE

One Cup Water
One Cup Sugar
Four Large Eggs
Two Cups of Dried Fruit
One Teaspoon of Baking Soda
One Teaspoon of Salt
One Cup of Brown Sugar
Lemon Juice
Nuts
One Bottle of Whiskey (High Quality)

Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and check in the cup of drier fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of sale, or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again and go to bed.

In case anyone was wondering...

The Red-Neck Twelve Days of Christmas are as follows, in reverse order:

Twelve-Pack of Bud

'Leven Rasslin' Tickets

Ten Copenhagen

Nine Years Probation

Eight Table Dancers

Seven Packs of Red-Man

Six Cans of SPAM

Five Flannel Shirts

Four Big Mud Tires

Three Shotgun Shells

Two Huntin' Dogs

And Some Parts to a Mustang GT.

(Based on Jeff Foxworthy's Crank-It Up album)

Winter Cover Up

I was listening to the radio the other day, and I finally understand what "Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer" is really about. Up front, it looks like a song about a plucky little reindeer who overcomes his personal disfigurement to become a hero. But that doesn't explain the why of the song. Why does it exist? Surely there were enough Christmas songs already. Enough that no one needed to write a silly one about a proboscally challenged deer.

And then it hit me. The song isn't about Rudolf at all. At least not directly. The key to the whole song is in this one line.

And then one foggy Christmas Eve. Santa came to say,

Did you see that? A FOGGY Christmas Eve? At the North Pole? Fog only occurs when you have warm air over a cold surface, or cold air above a warm surface. And either possibility should never happen at the North Pole. Unless....

GLOBAL WARMING!

And it was happening back in the 50's! But they were smart. Once Big Oil discovered what was going on, they sprang into action. And their answer to the problem was brilliant. Distract everyone from the weather by creating a hero to overcome it. And thus Rudolf was born. (Genetically engineered actually.) And once the song hit the airwaves, everyone was concentrating on the plucky reindeer, and ignoring the real problem.

I found even more sinister evidence of a cover up in "Frosty the Snowman." According to the story of Frosty, he was created by the combined magic of an old silk hat and a Christmas Eve snowfall. A snowfall that was doubly magical because in the story, it was not only Christmas Eve, it was also the first snowfall of the year. That's right, December 24th when the first snow of the year happened. Well over a month later than the standard first snowfall of the year for most of the country. (At least the area I live in.)

And then, the same day that he was made, "Frosty the Snowman knew the sun was hot that day. So, not only did it take untill late December to get cold enough to snow, the next morning it was already starting to melt. Obviously GLOBAL WARMING!

Frosty himself is full of metaphors of the problem. His "corn-cob pipe" represents the cause of GLOBAL WARMING - fuel emissions. (And second-hand smoke.) His "eyes of coal" are symbols of the fuel industries seeing that they are the cause of the problem. While his button nose shows that they aren't going to say a thing about what they know.

But most chilling of all are the events surrounding Bing Crosby's "White Christmas." As one of the first to recognize the problem back in the 40's, Bing sang about how much he missed the Christmases he used to know. He reminisced about snow, and how there wasn't any anymore at Christmas time. And then, in a brutal move by Big Oil and the rest of the fuel industries, he was murdered just 30 years later as an example to other singers. Oh, they say it was a heart-attack, but what are the odds of a pipe smoking 74 year old having a heart attack while golfing?

So remember this Holiday season, as you listen to some of your favorite Christmas songs, remember - GLOBAL WARMING!

(This has been a satire by me, GEBIV. No disrespect is intended to Bing Crosby or his family, whom I am sure still miss him very much.)

I'm tired

...that's about it.

Christmas Music.... by Queen?

Since there's nothing good on the radio at 6AM, I cued up some Trans-Siberian Orchestra Christmas music on the ol' mp3-playing laptop. And I noticed something...

Is it just me, or do they sound an awful lot like what you would think Queen would - if Queen played Christmas songs? For most of the songs anyways.

Or maybe I just need more coffee...

Just plain.... weird

Man Jailed After Biting Head Off Gecko

Do you think that maybe he just saw one too many of those Geiko commercials?

And while it wasn't mentioned in the article, I'm pretty sure alcohol was involved somehow...

Arghhh.

The Bills stink. When will they learn to play a full 60 minutes.

Ahead 23-3 at the beginning of the fourth quarter... they loose 23-24.

ArggghhhhhhHHHHHhhhhh!!!!!!!

Well, at least no more false hope to string us along. The season is over.

Ooof.

Long day at work...

Time to go treat the blisters.

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....

Well, I finally got tagged for a meme. This one, The Alarm Clock, was foisted upon me by my Blog-sister Sarah of That's Not Very Nice!

1. Do you use an alarm clock to wake up in the morning?

Kind of. I don't need the alarm clock to wake me up. I'm usually awake right before the alarm goes off. But I do use it to tell me when I have to finally get out of bed.

2. What time do you set it for?

At least half an hour before I have to get up. Sometimes, I'll even set it for 2 hours before I have to get out of bed so that....

3. Do you hit the snooze button, if so how many times?

... I can hit it a lot. Sometimes up to a couple of hour's worth. (The snooze will only work for one hour, but my clock has two alarms, and I have been known to set them about an hour apart to get a full spread.) I use the snooze to give myself the illusion of the guilty pleasure of sleeping in. There's nothing better than rolling over, hitting the snooze, and rolling back to my pillow for another 10 minutes.

4. Have you ever abused an alarm clock?

No, but I bought my last one because I thought the previous one was broken. I was wrong, so now I have a spare.

5. It's time to spread some "Its Blogcess" linky love.

Sorry. Just about everyone that I regularly read has already been hit by this, and I'm too lazy to double check them all. But anyone who hasn't been tagged by this is welcome to try it themselves. Consider it a self tag...

Snow...

And more snow.

Got to love that lake effect...

Mondays....

Can't live with them, can't sleep through them.

(Believe me, I've tried.)

I Like Cookies

The crunchy ones you eat with milk, that is. I guess the computer ones are ok too. They let me not have to type all my information in every time I want to leave a comment on someone else's blog, but they don't go well with milk.

And that's just too bad.

Blank

I'm in search of something profound and wise to share with everyone today.

But unfortunately, all that's going on in my brain is.... well nothing really. Even the little hampster has taken a time out from running in his wheel.

Sorry folks. Not even a decent bad-joke today.

Did everyone get to see the Bills lose on National TV Last Night?

What's wrong with them? They dominate the first half, holding the ball for over 20 minutes. But only score three points. Then, they didn't bother to show up for the second half.

AND WHO THROWS A SHORT SIDELINE PASS WITH 2 MINUTES TO GO ON FOURTH AND 7!?!!? TO SOMEONE WHO IS DOUBLE COVERED!?!?!? You don't have to worry about the clock. Just get the first down!

Arghhhhhhhh! Sometimes I hate being a Bills fan.

Ok. Most of the time.

While the Blogfather is away...

The delinquents will play!

Comment party over at Harveys. The watch-cat's already been locked up in the closet, so head on over.

And don't forget the whipped cream.

Good News....

Or not, depending on your point of view.

Guess what I got for my Birthday?

A gift card from Borders?

Well, yes. But that's not what I was referring to. I got a mortgage for my birthday, sort of.

Wow. That sound real exiting. /sarcasm

Gee. Thanks. But the important thing is that my Grandparents, who I was renting half the house from, no longer have a mortgage payment to worry about.

But you do. And don't forget you get to pay property taxes in one of the most overtaxed parts of the country now, too.

Yeah, I know. That's why this is kind of bitter-sweet.

Well, since I'm now a property owner, I think that we should go back to the concept of only people with a vested interest (i.e. property owners) being allowed to vote in local elections. (And by local, I'm including the Governor and Congress) That should take care of some of the tax problems real quick...

Burp*

Went to my parent's favorite restaurant for dinner tonight. When you're a member of their Birthday club, you get a free dinner on or really close to your birthday. So even though my actual birthday was yesterday, I got to eat free!

And then at the end of dinner (a bowl of Taco Soup [interesting, and unusual], a bowl of Chicken Wing Soup [one of the reasons my parent love the restaurant], a small salad and some Chicken Parmesan) they brought out a small cake. That was real nice of them... plus it had the only candle that I got to blow out for my birthday.

So now I'm totally stuffed. It's off to bed for me...

It's my birthday.

And this is how I'd really like to spend it.

Tomorrow...

...is my 32nd birthday. I'm really lousy at asking for gifts. (I'm at that point in life where if I really want something, I just go and get it. And if I can't afford it, then I really didn't need it anyways...) So, whenever anyone asks what I want, I can't think of anything.

But any-who, if anyone wants to give me a blog birthday present, just post it at your site and trackback to this post. I'll probably get around to doing a roundup in a couple of days....

Pondering My Existence

I am ....

Or am I?

Weird.

Something weird happened tonight. I can't tell you exactly what it was, because the circumstances that set up the weirdness are pretty much a result of my being lazy and stupid.

But it was still pretty weird.

Now I just hope the Sabres can beat the Lightning tonight. They just tied the game up at 2-2. (Take that Tammi.)

Update: They won in a shootout! Their first one.

It's so unfair.

I'm in a small fantasy football league with some friends and family, (only 6 teams) but no matter what happens each week, I just can't win. The worst part is that even though I have the second most total points for the league, I'm in dead last place wth a record of 0-5.

It seems that whenever someone plays me, they always score just enough points to beat me. Even though in several cases, I had enough points to beat every other team in the league. I've got a good team, but I just can't get any breaks.

Oh well, I've still got most of the season to catch up.

What a load of ...

DirecTV and MSG were supposed to have made a deal, so I was supposed to have been able to watch the Sabres play the Bruins tonight.

But when I turn on the MSG network, I GET CANADIAN FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE'S MY HOCKEY?

This doesn't bode well for me tonight. But at least I finally got that leak in my roof patched up. Ahhhhh no dripping.

Now I have to work on this weeks filthy lie. (No rest for the wicked I guess...)

Update: I found the game on another channel down the dial. Still can't figure out why MSG has the Sabres/Bruins game on the menu if they aren't showing it.

Another oof.

Wow. That was a long day. I just got off a 12 and a half hour shift (7:30 to 8:00, the long way) because our regular morning person needed off (her husband was recently diagnosed with liver cancer and he had tests this morning that she had to take him to, so please pray for them). In light of that, I guess my day could have been a lot worse.

But I still feel like whining a little. It was a long day spent out in the sun detailing a couple of cars in between all my other resposibilities. And even though it's October, being out in the sun meant 80deg temps (even hotter when actually in the cars). And you can't put the car in the garage to detail the inside because you need all the light you can get to make sure you don't miss anything. At least one of the two gave us a tip, that's always nice.

Now I have to try to get my old scanner working so I can bribe Harvey with some Grafitti Currency to do the - now very late - Alliance round-up that I was too tired to do last night.

I hate being a Bills fan.

(nuff said)

I hate Electricity

Some days you just can't win.

After spending nearly the whole day closed because that stupid wind-storm knocked out the power we were finally able to open around 4:00. Or so we thought. After waiting for a while, (and having time to type up why I liked electricity) I finally got a customer for the car wash.

I rang up her service, pulled her truck onto the track and started everything up. Except not everything worked. The pre-spray, high-pressure sprayer wasn't running. So I ran around and checked all the breakers. Nope still not on. I ran around and double-checked everything again. Still not on. Finally, I checked the computers. Yep. Even though they are not normally turned off, they were to protect them when the power came back on. Oh good, now everything should be fine.

Wrong.

When I was done pre-spraying the truck, I hit the button to call up a roller on the track. Nothing. This is normally done by a pneumatic actuator, so I figured that the air valve must have been left closed. Nope, that wasn't it. The air compressor wasn't running. I ran around again and checked all the breakers and switches, but I couldn't find anything that I saw as wrong. After making the decision that I couldn't get the compressor running, I called my Dad (who put most of the equipment in) to see if he had any ideas.

Somewhere around there, I had to refund the money to my customer and rinse her truck off and back her out. So the only sale of the day for the car wash was lost there.

But back to the compressor - My Dad suggested that I check the compressor's control unit. So I got out the multi-tester to check things out. Oops, the multi-tester needed new batteries, had to change them. Ok, so a poke here. A prod there, and to make a long story short, too late, it seems that the power outage may have damaged the coil to the compressor motor starter. So no compressor - no air. No air - no car washes.

There is an outside chance that everything will re-set overnight if the power is left disconnected. Right now that's all I can hope for.

I hate electricity.

I like Electricity!

Finally got the power back on! Yay!

Being without the internet all morning was a real drag, I can tell you.

But as Spacemonkey sang:

(Sung to the tune of Happy Birthday)

I like electricity.
I like electricity.
I like elec-tricity.
Unless it's running though me.

So even though my laptop will run off batteries, I now have my internet connection back. And that is much better.

To make a long story short, I guess that wind-storm that blew through Buffalo this morning was a real strong one. People were without power all over the area. In my part of town, it was just our street without electricity, well most electricity. Over at the station (across the driveway next door from my house) we still had one leg left of the three-phase current, so we could run a hot-plate to make coffee and listen to the radio. (Fortunately, most of the coffee was made before the power went off at around 6AM, so we just had to make the refills with the hot plate.)

Of course it took the power company untill 3:30 this afternoon to get things fixed. So most of the day was spent explaining to people why we couldn't pump gas, and figuring the change for cigarette purchases in our heads. There's a long list of cash purchases written down somewhere that will need to be put into the system at some point. Hope that's not my job...

The best part of the whole thing was that even after I was fully aware that there was no power, I still kept trying to turn lights on as I went through the house getting ready for work. I even picked up the remote for the TV and tried to turn it on. The garage door opener didn't seem to work either. (Not that I drove to work, but with the power down, and business slow, I made a quick trip to one of our suppliers.)

Hey, at least with the power back, when I finally do get out of work, I'll be able to log on and play some World Of Warcraft...

Oooof.

I spent an hour at the Insurance office this afternoon getting the insurance required to close on buying my house. Boy was that tough. From what I understand, everything has to be just right or the Mortgage company could reject the whole thing.

At least the people at the Insurance office were real nice, so it wasn't totally unpleasant. Although having to pay for the flood insurance up front was a bit repulsive. I swear, it's like they think that I'm going to start a flood just so I can collect on the massively overpriced insurance.

At least tomorrow should be better. If I get to see Serenity!

Arggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

Why is getting Flood Insurance so *&%#$^@ hard when it's required by law. It's not like I can scam a flood either. And if you're in a flood zone or not should be a simple thing to figure out! And the premiums are so high, you know the government has to be involved. From what I see, if I don't get flooded for 10 or 15 years, I'm loosing money when I finally do.

And if it's this hard to apply and fill out the paperwork. How hard is it going to be if I need to make a claim?

What a drag it is getting old...

I was rooting around in my ear with a finger earlier.

Why?

Because it itched, that's why. And I discovered an ear hair.

Well, of course I couldn't leave well enough alone, and I had to pluck it out. Which was a lot harder than I would have suspected...

Ewwww.

But anyways, the worst part of the whole thing was when I had finally plucked it, it was gray.

I feel old.

On the bright side, according to a show I watched on Discovery last night, I have outlived Alexander the Great!

Yeah, by about 2300 years.

Actually, what I mean is that Alexander only lived to be a little more than 32. And I'll be 33 in a month.

Too bad you haven't accomplished quite as much as he did...

Shut up.

Update: Doh! I'm older than I should be, or not as old as I thought. I'll only be 32 in a month. Problem is, I feel 32 already... And I can't always remember what year it is... And I'm not so good at counting either.

Well, on the bright side, I've still got some time to try to conqure the known world.

Arrrrrrr.

It be the 19th of September me maties! And that be Talk Like a Pirate Day!

So hoist the mainsail and weigh anchor! And don't be forgetting to talk like a pirate!

Stupid Bills...

I don't feel that I should have to honor that bet since the Bills didn't play at all.

It was almost as bad as if the University of Buffalo Bulls had shown up in their place. (They have something like a 4 and 40 record over the last 4 seasons...)

Oh, well. Congratulations Tammi. Your team won. I'll get the logo up soon.

(But the AFC is still superior to the NFC)

Oh, she thinks so.

Tammi thinks that the Bucs logo would look nice on my site.

Well, sort of...

GO BILLS!!!!!!

A Bad Example Family bet...

Got a bet going with Bad Example Sis, Tammi of Tammi's World. She thinks her Bucs can beat my Bills.

I think she's wrong.

So the bet is the looser has to put the winner's team logo at the top of their sidebar for the week. Winner gets gloating rights for the week.

She is so going to loose!!!!!!!

More Pictures

A while back, right at the end of August actually, I posted a picture of what the creek behind my house looks like on a typical Summer day. It was right before the remains of Katrina were to pass right over where I live. And the intention was that I would put up a picture of the "flash flood" that we were warned about.

Well, here's the high water mark from what was Tropical Depression Katrina.

Not too bad. I may have shrunk the picture a little too small to see it well, but the water is running at just under four feet above normal.

But on Friday, we had a series of thunderstorms roll through. It also rained for about as long as it did when Katrina came by. But this time the ground wasn't quite as dry, so there was a little more run off.

Here's a zoomed in picture where you can see that the water is running at around seven feet above normal.

And here's a look downstream from the bridge. My house is off camera on the right just past the first bunch of trees.

But don't worry, I'm on the high side of the creek. So any flooding that would happen, (and this wasn't quite a flood) would occur on the other side.

And while I'm at it, there's a little picture of a visitor I had at The Station this morning in the extended entry...

The South is alive and well in Western New York.

Have a good Sunday! And GO BILLS!!!!!!!!

Product Endorsement!

I just got back from Burger King. I like to eat there 'cause it's close to home.

Tonight however, instead of my usual Chicken Sandwich, I tried their new Angus 'Shroom Burger.

I admit that I had them make it without tomatoes, changing the intended recipe. But I don't like tomatoes. However, I reallllly like the 'Shroom Burger!!!!!

Oooh. Mozzarella. Mushrooms. Angus beef.

I'd better stop now, or I'll get hungry again.

(Too bad I'm not big enough a site to get free burgers for saying that...)

Happy Birthday Harv!

Sorry I didn't get you anything this year, but this is a family oriented site... and, well... your requested gift was rather specific.

Besides, even if I found any, do you think I'd really share?

Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!
(I'm just over 6 years behind you... enjoy your 30's while you can!)

Undefeated!

The Bills put on a strong defensive display today and beat the Texans 22-7!

That makes them Undefeated for the regular season.

That's one down and 18 to go. (Undefeated all the way to the Super Bowl... I wish.)

(Good thing I picked the Buffalo Defense for my fantasy team.)

Woooooo Hoooooo!

Football starts tonight! For real!

Raiders vs. Patriots tonight at 9:00 on ABC.

I think I've posted this before...

But here is one of my favorite poems. It's by Jonny Hart, the creator of B.C.

Labor Day, Shmabor Day. What a stupid holiday. To hire some jerk, And send him away. To celebrate work, By playing all day.

Have fun everyone!

Bush root of looting!

Secret documents, recently discovered in the New Orleans branch headquarters of the FBI show that the aftermath looting of New Orleans was planned by President Bush, personally. The plans outlined how the Federal agents would instigate the looting, and then shake-down the looters when they tried to leave the area. Special attention was payed to the high end stores as the President has another condo that he needs to furnish. This explains the large numbers of electronics that were looted by residents with no hope of getting electrical service for the next couple of months.

Admitted one staffer, "The whole idea was to get the dumb poor people to do the work for us. Then we could take what we wanted from them and shoot anyone who complained."

Other reports show that just as Nero fiddled while Rome burned, the President strummed while New Orleans flooded. However, President Bush denied rumors that he was planning on leveling the entire city in order to build himself a new palace. "It's more likely to be an amusement park of some sort." he blurted out under intense questioning before his Press Secretary could take the microphone away.

(For those who don't get it, this is a satire. Let's help people out before we start trying to lay blame on anyone.)

Dinner reading.

Had Chinese takeout at work for dinner, so everyone knows what that means!

Heeeeeeeeeeres my fortune:

Ideas not coupled with action never become

bigger than the brain cells they occupied.

Lucky Numbers 7, 44, 25, 38, 6, 22

I'll play the numbers on tonight's Lotto. Just one thing. If I win using those numbers, does that mean that I have to split the prize with the restaurant?

Another Silly Personality Test

Jimmy Stewart You scored 16% Tough, 9% Roguish, 71% Friendly, and 4% Charming!

You are the fun and friendly boy next door, the classic nice guy who still manages to get the girl most of the time. You're every nice girl's dreamboat, open and kind, nutty and charming, even a little mischievous at times, but always a real stand up guy. You're dependable and forthright, and women are drawn to your reliability, even as they're dazzled by your sense of adventure and fun. You try to be tough when you need to be, and will gladly stand up for any damsel in distress, but you'd rather catch a girl with a little bit of flair. Your leading ladies include Jean Arthur and Donna Reed, those sweet girl-next-door types. Find out what kind of classic dame you'd make by taking the Classic Dames Test.

Yeah, maybe I'm a little too friendly. And yes, I really do have that little charm.

Hat tip to Rocket Jones.

Four kinds of people.

The optimist says, "The glass is half full."

The pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."

The engineer says, "The glass is twice as large as the volume it needs to contain."

The polititian says, "It was like that when I got here!"

Rank Adjustments

Pentagon, Washington - (A.P.) In a move expanding on the changes made last week by Adm. Timothy Keating at NORAD, the Department of the Navy has issued a change in the names of some of their ranks. Following both the NCAA tournement and NORAD, the Navy is eliminating all references to American Indians.

The rank of Chief Petty Officer will now be known as The S. O. B.. Or if female, The B****.

The rank of Senior Chief Petty Officer will now be known as The Boss.

The rank of Master Chief Petty Officer, in defference to both the American Indians and descendants of former slaves, will be reffered to in the first person as Your Majesty, and in the third person as The Right Hand of God.

And the Master Chief of the Navy will of course be known to Admirals and Seamen alike, simply as God Himself.

Most of these changes will not be noticable to the lower ranks of the Navy.

(Inspired by Scrappleface.)

Nothing to say

Blah

bla bla bla.

bla bla bla bla bla blah!

bla bla bla bla.

(See. I told you.)

I need a girlfriend...

Or at least a hobby.

There's something wrong when the highlight of your week is dining out at a Chinese restaurant while reading a book on a friday night.

(Don't worry, I didn't forget the fortune cookie. It said something about "You are the center of everyone around you")

But even with the fun of reading insightfull (or not) sayings out of a cookie, it's still a pretty booring way to spend a Friday night.

So I figure that I need something to occupy my time. Other than blogging, that is. This is fun and all, but still only occupies an hour or two, tops. And I really think that I'm starting to need real human interaction of some sort. Something...

Girlfriend or hobby?

Hmm... which one could I afford?

Oh... my bad.

Last night, I tried to register for DirecTV's online services. I wanted to check my accound info and see what kinds of special offers they had. However, it seemed that I had already registered, so all I had to do was remember the login name I used, and the password.

The user-name that I tried seemed to work, but none of my usual passwords did. And when I tried the "Forgot My Password" link (which asked for the user-name), nothing was showing up in my e-mail. So I tried the "Forgot My User-Name" link (which asked for my e-mail) and none of my current or past e-mail accounts were recognized.

OK. Now I was a little ... irked. So I called the 800 problem number that was in the corner of the screen. I just wanted to have somebody reset my account so I could login and start over. After about 15 minutes of pressing numbers, I finally talked to a human. Unfortunately, what I wanted (the above mentioned resetting of the account) was something that required a speciallist.

Eventually, (I think it was about 20 more minutes of listening to elevator music.) I talked to the speciallist who was able to reset the password for me. (As well as tell me the correct user-name.) It took about three minutes of checking my account info, and five seconds of computer work.

So now I could get into my account. (Yay!) The first thing I did was check the account info to see what e-mail account I had used. It was my main account, but with one thing wrong. Verizon accounts have a .net suffix. I had used .com. Oops.

And to the poor guy who uses the user-name that I thought was mine, sorry about the fifteen or twenty password requests you got in your e-mail.

Keys

No, I'm not key-blogging again.

I need to talk about my Dad's keys. Or rather what he does with them.

I work for my Dad, so I see him every day. And almost without fail, every day I see his keys. This is because he tends to leave them in whatever he unlocks. If he's locking something, then he'll put the keys back in his pocket. But if it is something that he unlocks, I'll find the keys there. Sometimes hours later.

Part of the problem is that he has three sets of keys. Plus there is a business set he uses too. So, whenever he uses one, he doesn't always notice that it's missing until later. And then when he needs one of them and he doesn't have it, he either sends me to get them; or, if it's a key I have, takes mine.

But the part that's the real pain is the one small set of keys he leaves in a certain door. It's in a really cramped spot, and I often back into the door. And right into the keys. Right into my lower back. If I was a little taller, it would probably stab me in the butt (an unfortunately well padded area) but at my height, it jabs right into my kidney.

Of course, the worst thing about this whole deal is that my Grandmother also has a habit of doing this... so it could be hereditary!

A question

If you have two bottles of Half & Half, is that equal to one bottle of Whole & Whole?

My Avatar

Well, this is going in the sidebar too, but here's a look at a computer generated image of my face.

... I had to add the grey in my hair using Gimp. The avatar program's hair color selection was an all or nothing thing.

Found this over at Susie's Practical Penumbra. (Who found it over at Bad Example ... somewhere I couldn't see)

Went Golfing Today...

First time in two years. I didn't do too bad. We only played 9 holes, and I shot a 60.

Which for me is about average.

I did get par on the 2nd hole though! Too bad about the 8s and 9s I shot on four or five of the other holes...

I'm so jealous.

The guys (and girl) who do the IMAO podcast are so talented that I despair of ever being as funny as them. It was bad enough when they were just writing for IMAO, but now that they've gotten so good at podcasting, there is no way to equal them.

Man, now I'm depressed too.

@#^!*?!^$%@*

Groan.

Last night, I smashed the little toe on my left foot against the frame of my bed. A metal frame.

I almost gained the ability to count to 21.

It was ... well, less painful by morning. But I just spent the whole day walking around (or rather, limping around) on it. Once I got used to the pressure of the shoe on it, it wasn't too bad. But I still was limping right untill I got home.

The worst part was actually the few times when it wasn't hurting enough for me to notice it. Then I'd do something stupid like making a sharp turn on that foot. Or my personal favorite unconscious habit, tapping the toe of my shoe behind me when I lean on the counter. That brought a whole world of new pain.

And just because I know that everybody love stick art. I drew a little comic of how I hurt myself. It's in the extended entry.

(Believe it or not, I really didn't swear when I did this.)

Links!

For everyone who likes to rev up the engine and grunt a little while doing it, Ted over at Rocket Jones has a link for you.

Russ, in the comments, adds a link to What Can You Hemi?, also a must see.

Make sure you browse around Rocket Jones while you're there. Ted's got some good links and lots to say.

Yay!! Twins!

My blogless brother's best friends, a married couple, are expecting twins ... sometime in December I think. (To tell the truth, I usually don't pay too much attention to these sorts of things) But just the other day, they found out that they are going to have twin girls.

We still don't know if they are identical, or fraternal though.

The question is, what are some good twin names for girls: (a)for identical twins, or (b)for fraternal twins?

Great, now my hat doens't fit right.

I hit my head on a large galvanized steel pipe fitting at work... again. I think the reason that I keep doing it is that the expected conditioned pain response is getting lost in the brain damage I'm suffering.

Once, when working on another pipe nearby, I hit my head on that same fitting 13 times. I kept count. But I kept on forgetting to keep my head down.

Fortunately, the headache is almost gone...

I'm Nearly The Anti-Hippy

I am 11% Hippie.

What? Am I a Republican? Why did I even bother taken this test?! I guess I’ll back to my George W. Bush fan club and tell them I just wasted 10 minutes of my life. At least I don’t stink, man.

Take the
Hippie Test
@ FualiDotCom

Hat Tip: Harvey at Bad Example

Party! Party! Party!

Pool Party at my house tomorrow afternoon for my Grandmother's *mumble mumble*eth birthday.

Everyone is invited!

(I spent all day cleaning the pool and setting things up, so you better all appreciate it!)

So come to swim and behold the wonderful present I got for my wonderful Grandma. (A neat little solar powered lighthouse for her corner flower garden.)

AHA!

After briefly browsing the top news stories of the day, I have come to the conclusion that the terrorists have some sort of mind control device that they are using to keep their apologists, well, apologizing for them. You know the people that I'm talking about, the ones who keep saying that it's the victim's fault that they were killed in the terrorist attack/shooting/bombing.

And that mind control device is Money! Money and the promise of power.

OK, the two mind control devices that the terrorists use on their supporters are money and the promise of power and a shared, almost fanatical hatred of George W. Bush...

Three! The three mind control devices that are controlling the terrorist's supporters are money, the promise of power, an almost fanatical hatred of George W. Bush, and the quest for media attention at all costs...

All right! All right! Amongst the many things that control the supporters of terrorists are money, the promises of power, and almost fanatical hatred of George W. Bush, and the desire for free publicity... and many other things that are too numerous to mention here.

These are the things that have been causing people to make statements, both on the political stage and in the media, that appear to be supportive of the terrorists and their activities.

As near as I could tell, anyways.

(And now Mr. Biggles, the comfy chair!)

The Answer!

I've recently discovered a book that has the meaning of life in it! It's amazing. It contains the meanings of life, the universe... everything.

The most incredible thing is that I've had this book for years, and I never read the whole thing. What was I thinking? And now, it's even available on-line.

Oh, the name of the book, you ask? It's in the extended entry.

Merriam-Webster's Dictionary.

Blogito ergo sum

I blog, therefore I am.

Hmmmm. I like that. I may have to change my site's tagline...

Where's My Sign

Sometimes I think that I need a sign that I can wear after a certain point in the day. I'd put it on right about when I start loosing my mind. I think it should say something like:

"Don't bother asking me for help, I'm probably more confused than you are..."

I decided I needed one right after I had spent five minutes giving a guy directions to Niagara Falls when he said something that reminded me he only wanted to go to Canada. He'd have gotten there eventually, but it would have taken him an extra 45 minutes if he had followed my original directions.

Uh oh.

Just had Chinese take out for lunch with my Dad. Good food, as usual.

But one problem.

My fortune cookie was empty. That can't be a good sign...

Whew...

Another scorcher today. Not quite as warm as yesterday (our thermometer read 100deg briefly yesterday and only 98.8deg today, but it held there for almost an hour) but it was a lot more humid.

Officially, Buffalo hit 95deg. A new record for the day.

On the plus side of things, my air-conditioner worked fine all day without popping the circuit breaker again. Too bad I was at work all day and just got home at 9:00. At least Slinky the Wonder Ferret wasn't uncomfortable. And it's always important to keep the ferret happy.

Public Safety Announcement

Due to the discovery of a second case of Mad Cow disease in the United States, the Department of Agriculture has released a web site to let you know if your beef is safe to eat.

Go here for this simple test.

Yawn.

Long day at work today, but at least I finished up with a really good meal at a good Chinese restaurant. So I guess it all kind of balances out....

Can't think of anything else to blog about tonight.

UPDATE: (At Harvey's insistence...)

Here's the Fortune I got with the check.

Your emotional nature is strong and sensitive.

Lucky Numbers 32, 14, 47, 28, 38, 9

And on the back:

Learn Chinese - Automobile

Qi-che
(and a bunch of squiggles that I assume are Chinese characters.)

Happy Dance!

Yay!!!!!!

It's back. My monitor, that is.

Earlier today, I had a problem with my notebook. (A Compaq Presario 2100) The monitor went almost completely to black. If you looked very closely, you could just make out what was supposed to be there.

I was only able to use the computer by hooking it up to another monitor at the time. I checked around online, and after a chat with the Compaq help desk, I figured I was looking at a burned out light for my notebook screen. With a repair cost of somewhere between $150 and $600.

Then I turned off my computer, stuck it in the carrying case, and was grumpy for the rest of work. When I had a little free time, I used the office computer to do a little price shopping on new laptops. I figured that if I was going to be spending that kind of money, I might as well spend a little more and get a much better computer. Not that I was entirely happy with having to do that either.

But when I got home and hooked everything up to my old desktop's monitor, my laptop started working perfectly.

I may still need an eventual repair, or need to buy a new computer someday; but now I don't have a rush to do it right away.

But for right now, HAPPY DANCE!!!

(Oh, by the way, if anyone has had this problem themselves, could you let me know how you made out? Is my diagnosis correct, and how good was my estimate?)

Toys for the Blogdad

My, how the time flies. Harvey, my blogfather, is celebrating his second blogiversary today.

Yes, I almost forgot. I'm a bachelor, I'm not too good at remembering things like birthdays, anniversaries... major holidays.

Anyways, he likes the gifts he receives for stuff like this to have a common theme. Usually a good policy to have, or else with the wide variety of things available on the internet, you would never know what to expect.

For this year's blogiversary he made one simple request; that the theme be TOYS.

Um... OK.

While I'm usually a big Robin Williams fan, and generally liked Joan Cusack's performance, I can't say that I really liked it. Especially as the camera style near the end of the "climactic battle scene" was very choppy and, it seemed, intentionally confusing.

But who am I to judge what someone wants for their blogiversary? So here you go, blogdad. Here is your TOYS!

Milestones

10,000 Hits! Yay!

Actually, its kind of a meaningless milestone since my site traffic had been undercounted for so long. I'm sure I hit it a long time ago. But since I added Site Meter to my archives like Harvey suggested, the numbers are climbing pretty quick.

As near as I can figure, number 10,000 found my site looking for "russian teens in bikinis" on Google.

No, Harv. I haven't been holding out on you. I guess it's some comment spam I never cleared out.

Um... yay for comment spam?

Oh well. Enjoy the site, everybody! For whatever reasons you found it!

Oooh... Urk*

This was definitely something I didn't need to read a day after my own communion with the porcelain throne.

*Warning Not For The Weak Of Stomach!!!!!*

I'm gonna go lie down for a little bit more...

Blech... part II

BEAL is gone. But now I have the flu.

Not much of an improvement really.

I even lost the original version of this post.

I do have to say that some of the halucinations are getting pretty good. I spent 10 minutes on the couch dreaming I was a cat...

Blech

I got BEAL.

Not even watching "Who's Line is it Anyways?" is helping inspire me to write funny tonight.

Oh well, at least I'm laughing... and not just at the bald jokes.

...

I had a really funny concept for a post earlier today. But then I went and forgot it.

*smack* Doh!

Maybe I'll remember it later... The worst part was that it was funny and topical. It might have even been a good post to submit to the Carnival of Comedy.

Arghh! I just wish I could remember it.

I guess I need to start carrying my tape-recorder with me to work.

Oh well. Maybe next time I have a good idea I'll write it down before I forget... if I remember to...

I'm a bomber!

...that's good, right?

Stolen from Castle Arggghh!!!

Weather... or not?

Another scorcher today. 95.9 deg F (unofficially, of course). A bit warm for a normal June day, but not that far out of what can happen. I don't even think we broke the official record high for the day.

We need rain though. All of the storms that have gone through the North-East have gone right around us. There is a good chance I'll be getting some rain in the next hour or so. It's dark as midnight out there right now!

It'll be nice to see green grass again.

UPDATE: No where near the record! It was 98 deg F. way back in 1909! (GLOBAL WARMING!!!! AHHHHH!) That actually makes it one of the warmest days ever for the Buffalo area. We've never had an official temperature of over 99 deg F.

UPDATE 2: Ok, I think I'm wrong about the year of the high temp record... But it still wasn't made today.

UPDATE 3: The rain got here about 10 O'clock, but seems to hav petered out by 10:30. The thunder and lightning are still going strong though.

Kia Commercial

Have any of you seen the latest Kia Sportage commercial? The one that starts with some guy getting out of a Sportage and tossing the keys to another guy with a guitar... who drives to the beach and tosses the keys to a woman with a bunch of dogs... who drives to the park and tosses the keys to a guy with a mountain bike... who drives to the mountains and tosses the keys to a guy with some cub scouts... well, you get the idea, right?

What confuses me about the commercial is, I'm not exactly sure what point they are trying to make.

Are they promoting the Communist idea of communal living, where personal ownership of property is not allowed?

Or are they saying that the Sportage is such a piece of junk that you just throw it away when you get to where you were driving?

I'm not saying that these are bad cars. My mom drives one that she bought from my blogless brother about a year ago. And it's a nice little car. (It has been in the shop a bit. Good thing they have long warranties.) But otherwise not a bad ride.

But the commercial just seems to be a little confusing to me. If you were trying to say how great the car is, why show people repeatedly giving it away, one after another? And frankly, I wouldn't want to be the one getting it after the lady with the dogs from the beach.

If you want to show that the car is great, I would have made a commercial where all sorts of differing people were fighting over who got the car. Maybe make it the last one on the lot or something...

(Yes I know that the point of the ad is that the car is versatile enough for everyone.)

Yeee Haw!

The Mars Rover Opportunity finally got itself unstuck from a sand dune that had mired it down for 5 weeks. The Mars Rover team here on Earth had originally sent Opportunity over the dune in search of Mars' elusive water.

Said one of the team leaders, "We figured that maybe, just maybe that sand dune was part of a beach, and there would be an ocean on the other side. In retrospect, the fact that we could see there was no water on the other side should have made the trip unnecessary. But by that point I figured, 'What the hey, let's see what this puppy can do.'

"That probably wasn't the smartest thing to do." He added while he finished cleaning out his desk. "I've got to go now. My plane leaves for Antarctica in an hour."

Engineers built a giant sandbox model of the sand dune, and then spent weeks working with a model of Opportunity trying to figure out how to get it out. Progress would have occurred sooner, but the judging for "Best Sandcastle" required two separate court cases after a steroid scandal swept through the competition.

"Best Sand-Angel" was awarded posthumously to a janitor who fell off a cat-walk while changing a light bulb over the half acre sandbox.

The solution to Opportunity's sandy woes was reached at last when a group of experts from Jeep's "Go Anywhere" Team were brought in to consult. Chief Jeep enthusiast Bubba "The Bubster" Plotts examined the problem for less than a minute before telling the NASA technicians to "Put it in Low."

When cheers broke out after Opportunity reported back that it was clear of the sand, "The Bubster" snorted, "City boys. They think they know everything."

The Jeep team also made several design suggestions before leaving the NASA center. Among the ideas were a gun rack, flames painted along the sides of the chassis, and a cup holder. As one of the Jeep members said, "Hey if you find water, where are you going to put it?"

Some thoughts.

* It hit 90 deg F today! Well, unofficially anyways. Officially, it only got up to 83 deg at the Buffalo Airport, (where our official weather observations are made.) But on the thermometer at work, which is kept in the shade, it got all the way up to 90.5 F. Fortunately, there was rather low humidity, so it wasn't too bad. Not like tomorrow's forecast though...

* Does anyone else get thirsty when eating an Ice-cream Bar? It seems like whenever I buy one to cool down (Yeah right, like that's the only reason.) I end up getting water right afterwards. There should be some sort of package deal.

* I got out of work a little early today, so I went and checked out the new Scooter Store that opened around the corner. Not bad little things. The prices on them run from about $999 to $2,000 and they get from 80 to 100 MPG. With the cheaper ones getting the best mileage. Too bad you can only drive the small ones (under 30 MPH) without a motorcycle license. To drive anything that can go faster, you'd be able to ride a regular motorcycle, so why bother. Although, most regular motorcycles don't get 80 miles to the gallon...

* We have a slight pigeon problem at work. All right, the stupid little things are driving us crazy. One of my uncles mentioned that some of his friends trap feral pigeons and sell them to hunting clubs for training pointers. Of course, my first response was to check the internet to see if this was something I could use. (Yeah, I might be a little addicted to the web.) What I found was pretty interesting. Live traps, generally run $75 to $100 with some huge ones that will hold up to a hundred birds at about $200. So trapping them seems feasible.

Not so much luck on finding a way to sell them though. I couldn't find any hunting clubs on-line that were looking to buy any. Our best bet would be to find a gourmet restaurant and supply them with squab. The prices on them can run up to $25 each! Or, if that doesn't work, we can paint them white and sell them to weddings at $150 a pair... technically, they are Rock Doves.

* I heard in the news that the Runaway Bride pled Nolo Contendre (or something Latin) to her charges. I don't think they're going to grant her bail though. She just might be a flight risk...

* I'm starting to get hungry, but I can't decide what I want to eat. Don't you just hate it when that happens? Nothing I can think of sounds good to me, not even Chinese take-out. (My standard fall-back meal.) I'm sure that I decide on something eventually. If not, I just go to bed hungry. It's happened before...

* By the way, I hate heights. Just thought I'd bring that up because I had to climb a couple of ladders and put some signs up really high. (Almost 12 feet up! Yeah, I know I'm a wimp.) I didn't fall off. But it was a close thing! (No, not really.) My theory is that since I fall down a lot while on the ground, I'm just tempting fate by climbing up too high.

A Generic Romance

For a long time, I've wanted to be a professional writer. In fact, one of the reasons why I started this blog was to give myself a reason to write more often. I had hoped that it would improve my writing skills. (It was a good plan anyways)

But one of the things that I've recently heard is that many authors start out writing those trashy Harlequin Romance novels. For some reason unfathomable to me, there seems to be a nearly limitless demand for them. And so the publishing houses have scores of authors cranking them out by the bushel full. What makes this possible is that all of the books are nearly identical, and are written to a set formula.

Well, I thought that I should give that a try. So here is my submission for a generic trashy romance novel scene. Of course, I've never actually read one of them before, so I might be off by a little bit.

[Insert guy's name] looked deeply into [insert girl's name] deep [color] eyes. No longer could [girl's name]'s [family member] keep them apart. He swept her into his powerful arms and tenderly stroked her [length] [color] hair.

"Oh my darling [girl's name]. After I [dangerous mission to be done], your [family member] can have no objection to our love. At long last we can be together." He murmured into her ear.

[Girl's name] gazed up at [guy's name]. Her eyes drank in every feature of his face, as if she was afraid of never seeing him again. His dark [color] eyes, which flashed like [something dangerous and bright] when he was angry, but turned into [something soft] when he looked at her. His strong, rugged chin. (Every hero's chin is strong and rugged, so no options here.) His thick [color] hair. And the little scar on his [facial part] that she gave him the first time they met.

Finally [girl's name] gave in to her love. "Oh [guy's name]! I love you! And I am your's forever!"

[Guy's name] spun her to the [piece of furniture] tearing her [piece of clothing]. In an instant he was on the [furniture] next to her. Passionately, he kissed her [body part] as her hands started to remove his clothing.

"Oh [guy's name]!" [girl's name] cried out.

Well. What do you think? Trashy enough?

A lesson learned

You know how on the directions for using a weed-eater, they say to wear boots and eye protection?

Well, while sun-glasses are a fine substitute for safety glasses, a pair of shorts and leather sandals are not good substitutes for a pair of jeans and boots. If you don't believe the directions, take my word for it.

I have to go change the band-aid now...

Pool Party!

Started draining the pool today, the first step in getting it cleaned and ready for the swimming season.

Pool party at my place!

... in about a month.

Long day...

So tired... must rest... hard to type... speech... getting... slower...

Must sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Liveblogging!

My Grandmother has been sick for 4 days, and just today told us that she didn't have a thermometer the whole time. My Dad has been running a fever that has been spiking over 102 deg. F this weekend, and my Grandmother doesn't even know what her's is.

So, I ran out to the drug store (the drugstore department in K-mart actually) to get her a thermometer. While I was choosing a good one for her, I realized that I don't have one either. So I got one for myself too. A nice digital one that beeps when it's done. (I gave the same kind to my grandmother too.)

Which leads us to the live-blogging. In the interest of ...well, no one really, I will be live-blogging taking my temperature. This should take about 60 seconds.

OK. Here goes. I'm turning on the thermometer.

It's resetting.

I've got it in my mouth.

Waiting.....

Waiting.....

Waiting.....

It's beeping!!!!

98.5 deg F

I'm healthy! (Well, physically anyways...)

More Questions!

Due to the overwhelming response to my recent post (Actually, I think it may be just the voices in my head talking really loudly again), where I answer one of the most pressing questions of the day, I have decided to answer some other questions that people (the voices, again) have been asking me lately.

Plus, it seems to be a format that works for the Lord of the Blogdodecahedron, Frank J.

And so I present:

Ask Mr. Smart-Alec!â„¢

Q. What is the reason most people blog?
A. I think it's a combination of an ego trip, and a bad burrito.

Q. What does a burrito have to do with blogging?
A. Trust me. You don't want to know.

Q. Is this why you started blogging?
A. In my case, it was a taco-supreme.

Q. So, do you really drive a Jeepâ„¢?
A. Yes. Yes I do. (grin)

Q. Are they as much fun to drive as the commercials say?
A. More.

Q. If you are responding to voices in your head, does that make this a group blog like IMAO?
A. As far as I'm aware, no one at IMAO listens to the voices in my head.

Q. What about voices in their own heads?
A. You didn't hear that here.

Q. Did you just change the subject?
A. Yes.

Q. Do you proof-read before you post?
A. Usually, I try to be perfect the first time. Although I will admit to hitting backspace a lot.

Q. Are you single?
A. Yes.

Q. Are you good looking?
A. By most standards... no.

Q. Are you rich?
A. Only by third world standards.

Q. Are you funny to talk to?
A. Only if you think There's One, Only! is funny.

Q. Gee, not too surprising that you're single, eh?
A. Yeah. And playing the banjo doesn't help much either.

Q. Are you depressed now?
A. No more than usual.

Q. Is that good or bad?
A. Pretty bad.

Q. Do you do drugs?
A. No. Sadly, I'm this weird on my own.

Q. But are you happy?
A. Most of the time. Sometimes I'm Sleepy.

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

It's the Fifth of May!

Testing, 1... 2... 3...

This is a test.

A test of alignment.

I want to see how far right I can go.

Actually, I think I'm more of a chaotic good alignment.

That last bit was a joke.

(If anyone ever asks me how to do this stuff, I'll have to tell them to buy NoteTab Pro.)

Just an annoying test.

Here's one of those silly things that is always zipping around peoples e-mail accounts. I got it from my blogless brother Culzephyr, and I now pass it along to you...

Test for Dementia

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question.

You have to answer them instantly.
You can't take your time,
answer all of them immediately.

OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are.

No looking at the answers in advance.

Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)

First Question:

You are participating in a race.
You overtake the second person.
What position are you in?

Answer:
If you answered that you are first,
then you are absolutely wrong!
If you overtake the second person
and you take his place,
you are second!

Try not to screw up in the next question.

To answer the second question,
don't take as much time as you took for
the first question.

Second Question:
If you overtake the last person,
then you are...?

Answer:

If you answered that you are second to last,
then you are wrong again.
Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

You're not very good at this! Are you?

Third Question:
Very tricky math!
Note: This must be done in your head only.

Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator.

Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it.
Now add another 1000. Now add 30.
Add another 1000. Now add 20.
Now add another 1000. Now add 10.
What is the total?

Scroll down for answer.

Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.

Don't believe it?
Check with your calculator!
Today is definitely not your day.
Maybe you will get the last question right?

Fourth Question:
Mary's father has five daughters:
1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Answer:Nunu?

NO! Of course not.

Her name is Mary.
Read the question again

Okay, now the bonus round:

There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush.
By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he
successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper
and the purchase is done.

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair
Of sunglasses, how should he express himself

He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.

KEEP THIS GOING TO FRUSTRATE THE

SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!

Groan

Sometimes, if it wasn't for bad luck, we'd have no luck at all.

Half an hour before going home from work, a hydraulic line goes. (It was probably leaking before then, but that is when I found it) - A good two hours of repairs. Hopefully this one will last...

Earlier today, I was looking all over for a cresent wrench I could have sworn was in the pocket of a coat hanging up. I looked for it for 15 minutes. I needed it today too. Two seconds after I get home, I see it laying right where I could have sworn I looked three times.

Long day ahead tomorrow, so I'll turn in early. Of course that usually means I'll just stare at the ceiling all night long, and won't get any real rest.

At least I remembered to bring home toilet paper before I used up the last three squares I had left...

I got the blues

Computer done ate my homework,
Xbox lost all my saves.
Cell phone can't find a signal,
'Lectric razor won't shave.

I got the digital blues.

Slow day at work...

Between customers, all I have to do is sit around and make "meep meep" noises.

It keeps me occupied...

MWAHAHAHAHA!

I VIBEG WILL CONQUER ALLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!

*slap* *slap* smack*

Don't worry folks, I think I have him back under control...

THAT'S WHAT HE THINKS...