There's One, Only!

I'm 1337*

...or at least my home is. Well, the taxes on it anyways.

$1337 for my school taxes this year. Two-story house on a 1/4 acre lot. And I payed more than that for the property tax earlier this year.

I just love living in New York. My taxes are paying for so many people's medicare.

*(Elite, for those who have more important things to do than learning geek-typing)

Cartoon?

I've got this great idea for a comic strip. It's all about the life of a guy running a store/gas station/car wash, and all the crazy/stupid things that happen there. As well as the occasional mathmatic/science type joke. (Hey, go with what you know, right?)

Only one problem. I'm not sure if I can draw at all...

Of course, from what I've seen around the internet, artistic talent isn't necessarily a requirment for a web-comic.

I hurt.

Is it considered a major achievement to get through the day without a trip to a hospital? Or should I be setting my goals a little higher?

NHL pre-games

Either very few people sound good over the PA system at Madison Square Garden, or they have a hard time finding people who can sing The National Anthem well...

I know it's not the easiest song in the world to sing acapella, but really. Why do they all go so flat at the end?

One more reason I love America

Only in America, would you have a piece of music - written by a Russian, commemorating the Napoleonic Wars - become one of the staples of patriotic music, at one of the most patriotic of holidays. Independence Day.

Of course, any music that has canons and church bells written into the finale deserves such an honor.

Now you know.

You know those big price signs at gas stations? The ones with the 2 foot tall numbers that are about 30 feet up in the air. You know how they change the numbers?

With a 30 foot long aluminum pole with a suction cup on the end.

You know how they change the numbers when there's a thunder storm rapidly approaching?

Really fast.

More TSO

And here's what you do if you like TSO and have waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much time on your hands.

Wizards of Winter, by TSO

All I can say is wow.

Bring Back Manchuria(n)

Well, I had a disappointing dinner yesterday. All evening long, I held off eating anything. No snacking. No grabbing something out of the cooler for a light meal. I even turned down Ted's Hot Dogs!

A little aside. Ted's Hot Dogs are to your typical hot dog what prime rib is to a McDonald's burger. At least to Western New Yorkers. They are so good that when family -now living out of state- come to visit, one of the meals is always Ted's Hot Dogs.

So there I was at the end of the day. As I closed up the Car Wash for the evening, I pulled out my cell phone, checked the speed dial for Manchurian Chinese Cuisine and ordered one of my favorite meals. Kung Po Chicken with Lo Mein Noodles. Mmmmmmmm....

Ten minutes later, I turned my Jeep into the plaza parking lot. Then I noticed something a little different. Instead of Manchurian Cuisine, the door now said Jade Dragon. Uh oh.

When I went in, I saw a waitress I recognized and said hi, and mentioned something about the name change. She replied that it wasn't just a name change, but that there were new owners! Now I was more than a little worried. She asked if I had ordered my usual. (Kung Po Chicken was just about the only thing I ever ordered there.) I nervously replied that I wasn't sure what I ordered.

Well, my food came out to the counter and I paid for it. (About the same as before, but I don't really care about price if I like the food.)

Well to make a long story short. It just didn't measure up to the old Kung Po Chicken. I don't know which way is 'authentic' but I know what I like. I like a spicy chicken dish with lots of sauce, peanuts and spice! What I got was a sauteed vegetable dish with some chicken and a bunch of peanuts on top. OK. But not great.

Oh well. I guess it's like the French Onion Chicken I used to get at another restaurant that closed - Kung Po Chicken is something I'll have to learn to cook for myself.

But I almost forgot the strangest part of the whole night. The new restaurant had the same phone number as the old one. I didn't think that was possible.

Finally!

I'm back on-line!

After almost 4 days of no phone, no lights, no luxury.... it was as primitive as could be.... wait a sec, I had phone, just no dial up access. That and the battery on the laptop could only last so long...

OK. For those who don't know what I'm talking about (which is probably everyone) I live just outside of Buffalo, NY. And late Thursday night it started snowing. Now this is something that normally doesn't happen in early October, not even Buffalo. No matter what you were always told. And sometime during the night, everything lined up for a perfect storm. A perfect Lake Effect Snow Storm, to be exact.

There was cold air moving across the warm waters of Lake Erie... and the wind lined up for the entire length of the lake. If you look at a map of the Northeast, Lake Erie is an oblongish oval that points right at Buffalo. What this meant was that the cold air had the whole lake to draw moisture from. And boy did it!

So, late Thursday and early Friday, the snow started to fall thick and heavy. We're talking snow with the consistency of.... well, it was kind of like the snow cone you get at the fair. And it was falling from the sky.

Now normally, this wouldn't have been such a big thing. We've handled multiple feet of snow falling overnight many a time. Just... we've never had it so early in the season. Well, actually this early in the wrong season. And that meant there was one thing different that we weren't used to.

Leaves.

All the leaves were still on all the trees. Now for a pine tree, no problem. They're shaped such that they can handle heavy snowfall on their branches. But Buffalo is a city of oaks and maples and elms. Lots and lots of them. In fact, just about every street in the county is lined with those glorious, beautiful trees. At least they were.

The heavy, unprecedented snow stuck to all the big, broad leaves on the trees that are literally everywhere. Far more snow than would have stuck to the bare branches later in the season. And far, far more than the branches could bear.

So, with sounds reminiscent of gunfire, down came the branches. And since these were no little saplings, on the way down, the branches took many - if not most - of the power lines in the area with them.

Thus, Friday morning - Friday the 13th, rather appropriately - dawned white, cold, and powerless.

Which meant I had a long, cold weekend..... still got to work though. I'm the only one who knows all of the prices for our store stuff in my head. So I spent all the daylight hours at work, taking cash transactions only (credit card systems don't work without power either...) and making change in my head.

Fun times....

Week three.

Well, we're into the third week of football, and I have to say that in general, the commercials have picked up right where they left off last season.

Best series of commercials (non-beer category) so far. Southwest Airlines. You've got to love the two kindergardners standing there with the backwards "G" and an "O" on their chests drinking milk out of the beer-hats.

Best series of commercials (beer). I'm really liking the Man Laws of the Square table series. I can't tell you what beer brand it's for, so I guess in that respect it's a failure. But so far the premise has been pretty good.

But for Best Beer Commercial so far I have to give the nod to the one with the brass pole. Again, I can't tell you which beer brand it is. (I don't drink, so the name brand doesn't mean anything to me.) If you haven't seen it yet, I won't spoil it for you. But if you see a commercial with a girl admiring a brass pole in her boyfriend's apartment while he gets the beer, don't change the channel. And make sure you watch it all the way to the end.

I suppose with a little work, I could find all these commercials on Youtube or something like that, but I'm lazy. And that would mean you wouldn't have to watch as much TV. And that might hurt my chances of getting a big endorsement check from the Networks... hasn't come yet, but I don't want to jinx anything.

Carry-on Rule Changes

Washington D.C. - Today, the TSA relaxed some of the rules pertaining to carry-on luggage on flights. People may bring slightly larger bags than were previously allowed.

While liquids and gels remain on the banned list, musical instruments are allowed as carry-on again.

Banjos and accordions are still listed as Weapons of Mass Destruction.

*Cough* *Cough*

Does anyone have any good/easy home remedies for a touch of Bronchitis?

The weather changing from Summer to Fall has brought back a reminder of my College years... that was a fun exam week... in the form of my recurring deep chest cough.

A large cup of coffee really does the trick for clearing up my chest in the morning and throughout the day, but it's not really an option for nighttime.

Oh, and sorry for not posting much for the last... long time. Work has been... lets just say it's been work, and leave it at that.

I'll try to do better.

Heh

Just had a tourist from Germany cooling his heels for a bit here in the store. We talked a little about taxes and stuff and made some friendly comparisons about culture.

But what was kind of funny was why he was waiting around. He was driving by when the oil light on his rental came on. So he pulled in, and after figuring out what the car took, bought a couple quarts to top off the engine. No problems so far, we see this all the time with people.

A minute or two after purchasing the oil, he came back in and asked for some help. The oil was pouring out of the engine as fast as he was putting it in.

Fortunately, my father was still here at work, so he was able to take a look at the engine while I waited on the regular customers.... turns out the oil plug was missing from the engine.

Now, this tourist had been driving this rental car for a week-from Newark, NJ to Buffalo, NY-with no problems. And all of a sudden, the oil plug dropped out and left him stranded. He's lucky that he was near a gas station or the engine would have siezed up in just a couple more miles.

After a long phone call, he finally got Enterprise to send him a taxi to take him the rest of the way to his hotel, and a new rental lined up for tomorrow...

As he said, "Now I've got a good story to tell about my vacation."

But I do wonder who forgot to tighten the oil plug...

New Logo

Well, the first try at the new logo is up. It's not exactly what I was looking for. But since my blogless brother is doing it for me for free... and it's way beyond my graphics capabilities... I'm not complaining. Besides, it's just the first try.

It's cool now. And it's going to get even cooler!

Cha-cha-changes

You may have noticed a little cosmetic difference here. Or you could be blind. One or the other....

Basically, the Buffalo Sabres (my hometown team) are finally back in the playoffs. Plus, they've got what is arguably the best team they've ever had. So I'm expecting some great things out of them this year.

And to this extent, I'm redecorating for a bit. Once I figure out where everything is in my stylesheet, expect more changes.

Here's a good read if you like to chuckle.

Laurence Simon, associate poster at IMAO, has an informative Know Thy Enemy: Passover to share with everyone.

And just in case you didn't already know it, Laurence is Jewish. So he's allowed to say these things. (Just a little tip if you were about to get your panties in a bunch about someone making fun of Jews....)

Long day at work.

It was a rather long Tuesday today, washing cars all the day long.

But at least it wasn't a Tipless Tuesday™. So now I get to count all my ill gotten booty. (Or is that ill booten gotty?)

Caption Contest.

Here's a good picture I got out of the Buffalo News this morning.

Actual Caption: Co-leader Camilo Villegas gets down really low to line up a putt on the 11th green.

But I think we can do better than that!

Here, I'll start.

Hmmm. If I sneek up on the ball and scare it into the hole, that doesn't count as a stroke. Right?

Thought for the day...

Why do Valentines Day and venereal disease have the same initials? Is it really just a coincidence?

Happy Valentines Day!

Well... at least to everyone who has a Valentine to share it with. I guess for the rest of us, the 'Holiday' can be actually a little depressing.

But for me, no more than any other day.

Did you ever have...

...one of those days where you almost sever your thumb while splitting wood for your pyro fireplace loving grandparents?

Eh.. it's probably worth it anyways.

Public Service Announcement

Here's a little bit of information that apparently, a lot of people don't know:

If you have a car with an automatic transmission, when it is in DRIVE, you can put it into NUETRAL without stepping on the brake or even pressing the button on the gear selector. The transmission will not go past NUETRAL into REVERSE! It even works the other way too! When the car is in NUETRAL, you can just slide the selector into DRIVE. It won't go to REVERSE or past DRIVE.

This can be very important to know, say when you are riding in the car through a car wash and the attendant signals for you to pull up. (So he can dry the car, shine the tires... whatever) You don't have to step on the brake to put the car into drive! Really! And that'll keep you from hopping the track roller.

If you have to look at the gear selector display to see what gear you're in, you might need to practice driving a little bit more.

And if you have to look to FIND the gear selector, you probably shouldn't be out on the roads at all!

...One more thing. To some of the other drivers out there (you know who you are), when the attendent signals you to stop, the brake is the SECOND pedal from the right!

Happy Birthday!

Today is Harvey's beloved wife, TNT's birthday! And since he said she likes pics of large cats (lions and stuff), here's what I was able to find...

A three month old white lion cub.... 'cause everyone knows that women like cute kittens!

A panther, 'cause someone told me that women like the dark, strong look.

And some more lions, 'cause someone else told me that women are suckers for the helpless, defenseless type.

Driving

My dad saw a PAL (Police Athletic League supporter) Florida license plate on a car this morning and mentioned that it was the perfect 'get out of jail free' card.

And that was before he read today's Dilbert cartoon.

24:007

Oooh. A Bond film fest on AMC. 24 hours of Bond, James Bond.

I guess I know what I'm doing for the rest of the night.

Cool Site!

Found a really cool link over at Castle Argghhh!. (Original hat tip to Boudicca, I guess...)

Check this out! It's a whole days worth of flights across the U.S. Check out the rest of the site too. If you have anyone flying anywhere in the U.S., you can track their flight in real time. And if you register, (which is free, by the way) the tracking screens will automatically update for you.

You can even just set it on an airport and watch all the flights in the area.

This is almost better than watching sand fall.

Tell me something I don't know

... oh, I guess you can't.

"Intellectually" Intelligent You're 'Intellectually Intelligent.' That pretty much means that you're good with theoretical ideas and concepts - but this comes to you naturally. More or less, you're a natural brainiac. Good for you. 40% theoretical intelligence 60% natural intelligence

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Well, I kind of expected Engineer....

But Special Ops is real cool too. I guess I like the blowy-uppy things more than I realized.

You scored as Special Ops. Special ops. Your sneaky, tactful, and a loner. You prefer to do your jobs alone, working where you don't come into contact with people. But everyonce in a while you hit it big and are noticed and given fame. Your given the more sensitive problems. You get things done, and do what has to be done. "VULCAN NECK PINCH!!!" "owww.......(slump)" Special Ops 69% Engineer 63% Officer 56% Artillery 50% Medic 50% Combat Infantry 50% Support Gunner 50% Civilian 6% Which soldier type are you? created with QuizFarm.com

(Hat tip John of Castle Argghhh!)

Morituri te salutamus

-We who are about to die salute you.

You scored as Maximus. After his family was murdered by the evil emperor Commodus, the great Roman general Maximus went into hiding to avoid Commodus's assassins. He became a gladiator, hoping to dominate the colosseum in order to one day get the chance of killing Commodus. Maximus is valiant, courageous, and dedicated. He wants nothing more than the chance to avenge his family, but his temper often gets the better of him. Maximus 83% William Wallace 75% Captain Jack Sparrow 71% Indiana Jones 71% The Terminator 67% Batman, the Dark Knight 63% Lara Croft 63% The Amazing Spider-Man 54% Neo, the "One" 46% James Bond, Agent 007 46% El Zorro 42% Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com

Hat tip to Ted of Rocket Jones for this one.

There was a blogmeet and I wasn't invited?

...Actually, that's probably a good thing.

Harvey has a recap of the blogmeet he went to in Tennessee over at Straight White Eric's house. Well, it's not so much of a recap of the meet as a wonderfull set of descriptions of the people he met there.

It helps bring to life a little bit more, some of the people who's writing you enjoy reading, yet who don't seem to talk about themselves enough.

Which is why I'll probably never actually go to any blogmeets myself. Not because I don't want to meet any of these really nice people. But because, next to them, I'd seem rather dull, boring... and probably not very interesting to be around at all. (No, I don't have a low self-esteem issue. You have to have some self-esteem for that.) Besides, I don't get a lot of time off work, so I couldn't go to any even if I wanted to.

But go check out what Harvey thinks of everyone. I think you'll like the people he met too.

OK. Sometimes ruthless is good.

Ulysses S. Grant You scored 68 Wisdom, 54 Tactics, 62 Guts, and 60 Ruthlessness!

Like you, Grant went about the distasteful business of war realistically and grimly. His courage as a commander of forces and his powers of organization and administration made him the outstanding Northern general. Grant, though, had no problem throwing away lives on huge seiges of heavily defended positions. At times, Union casualties under Grant were over double that of the Confederacy. However, Grant was notably wise in supporting good commanders, especially Sheridan , William T. Sherman , and George H. Thomas. Made a full general in 1866, he was the first U.S. citizen to hold that rank.

Pet Peeve of the Day

Is there anything worse than being stuck in the drive through behind someone who is getting a massive food order? You know, the ones where when the food finally arrives, it comes in 4 or 5 of the really large bags.

If you are going to be getting that much food, go inside where people just getting a quick meal (the whole point of FAST FOOD) don't have to wait forever, staring at your rear bumper.

Remember, courtesy is what keeps people from shooting out your tail lights...

Oh well...

Looks like I won't be able to watch tonight's Sabres game. I can't find it anywhere... Oh wait there it is. On the OLN?

I liked it better when the Sabres had their own station. But Empire folded up when the league did last year.

Man, these announcers are nothing compared to Rick Jeneret.

Cool, I just found out that I can listen to the game on WGR55.com. A good thing since I can't get AM radio very well on my stereo. (One of these days, I'll get a better antenna.) Too bad the webcast is a bit behind the televised game.

Oh good, they've also got the TV schedule for the rest of the season. Now I won't have problems finding the games on the different channels each night.

Well, I'm happy now! :-)

Coming Soon (Friday) To A Theater Near You!

Joss Whedon, the Oscar® - and Emmy - nominated writer/director responsible for the worldwide television phenomena of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE, ANGEL and FIREFLY, now applies his trademark compassion and wit to a small band of galactic outcasts 500 years in the future in his feature film directorial debut, Serenity. The film centers around Captain Malcolm Reynolds, a hardened veteran (on the losing side) of a galactic civil war, who now ekes out a living pulling off small crimes and transport-for-hire aboard his ship, Serenity. He leads a small, eclectic crew who are the closest thing he has left to family –squabbling, insubordinate and undyingly loyal.

Go to the Serenity website right now and check out some of the previews!

If all goes well, I'll be seeing the sneak preview Tuesday night in Buffalo. I'll let everyone know how good it is on Wednesday! (Maybe even Tuesday night if I can...)

(Of course, I'm still a little unsure of rooting for a guy named Reynolds who's fighting against The Alliance. Definitely some divided loyalties there for me...)

At last.

The week is over, and I can finally take that helmet off my sidebar.

I just hope Harvey does a little better this week against Tammi.

(By the way Tammi, you got a little bonus with the bet. I put you at the top of my Blogroll. It'll probably stay there for a while. I don't change it too often.)

Coolness!

I totally forgot in all the pain and anguish of trying to get flood insurance yesterday; but during my lunchtime browsing, I followed a link over at Conservative Grapevine to C-Log. Which lead me to the blogger signup for screening the upcoming movie Serenity.

And I'm lucky enough to live in one of the markets getting a sneak-preview! (And I guess there aren't that many bloggers in Buffalo, since they let me sign up.)

From what I understand, this movie is based on the Sci-Fi series Firefly. Now, I never actually watched any of it on TV. It was simply a matter of too many shows and not enough time to watch them all. There are a lot of good programs out there that I just never bothered to watch. I really only have enough time to invest in one or two programs at a time. I don't even watch Stargate: SG1 anymore...

All that said, I'm getting a good impression of the quirkyness of Serenity from the commercials and what people have told me about Firefly. Only one problem though. The write-ups of the movie say that it's the crew of the Serenity vs. The Alliance. So I'm not entirely sure who I should root for...

So if anyone else is going to be at the Buffalo screening, I'll be the one pulling up to the red carpet in the tan Jeep.

Great... just great.

As if there wasn't enough raping and looting. Now the UN is going to "help" in New Orleans.

What's causing the gas prices to go up.

To put it bluntly, YOU! That is, if you're one of the countless people that heard "$5.00 a gallon gas by the weekend!" and immediately ran out and filled up your car, truck, gas cans and whatever bottles you could find at the bargain price of $3.50 per gallon. That massive increase in demand at the same time as a decrease in supply just drove the prices through the roof.

What many people don't realize is that at the huge gasoline supplier level, buying gasoline is just like using e-bay. Basically, it's like there's a huge bucket of gasoline out there that all the big gas companies want to buy. When the supply get's low, there's not enough gas for everyone to get what they want, so the bidding war starts. No one want's to run out of gas, because you can't make any money when you don't have anything to sell.

And now, add to this the problem of people panicking and buying up all the gas they can get for themselves. Then the gas stations need more gas from their suppliers, who in turn need more gas from the refineries. More demand.

So gas prices will go up until one of a couple of things happen. Either people stop panic buying, and end the artificial demand increase allowing gas reserves to build back up to normal levels. Or the refineries come back online and everyone feels real stupid about buying up all the $3.50 gas they could get now that the price is down to $2.50 again.

It's all a matter of supply and demand.

(By the way, the only ones making any real money on gas are the state and local governments. The taxes on gas are many times what any person or corporation at any level of the gas supply chain make. With the possible exception of the very beginning of the whole process. But their profits are a matter of everyone trying to outbid each other to get the gas or oil. But again, that is perfectly normal supply and demand. Artificially induced shortages in supply are another matter, and not the underlying cause here.)

Walking between the raindrops.

You know what is one of the coolest feelings in the world? Walking across a parking lot while watching and hearing raindrops all around. Yet not having any hit you.

Pictures!

Yesterday, there was a guy down in the creek behind my family's business painting numbers and lines on the side of one of the bridge piers. He might have been D.O.T., or D.E.C., or maybe he was D.A.D.... I'm assuming that the lines are for the process of judging how much the creek rises during the upcoming rains from the remnants of Katrina. (The forecast is that it will start raining this afternoon/early evening with the high winds showing up around Wednesday Morning.)

Anyways, I didn't have my camera with me yesterday, so I couldn't take a picture of the process of the bridge being painted. But I did bring it in today, so here is a picture of the finished work.

The markings are in one foot intervals from the top of the bridge footer. (Which is about a foot off the bedrock of the creek.) This should give us a good idea of how deep the creek is running when it rains.

Also, in keeping with the theme of natural disasters, in the extended entry I have a couple of photographs of what appears to be a volcanic eruption south of my home. They were taken on August 2^nd of this year.

For extremely hi-res (3.2 Megapixels) versions of any of these photos, just let me know, and I can e-mail them to you.

Hurricane Tales

Well, like everyone else I expect, I spent much of the day watching the Hurricane Katrina coverage on the news. Fortunately, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. But it was still devestating. I'm sure that everyone's prayers are with the people who are affected.

The current storm track has the remnants of the storm (downgraded to a tropical depression) passing right over me here in Buffalo sometime Wednesday morning. So I guess I'll spend a lot of tomorrow making sure that everything is ready. It's only forecast to be 25 knot winds (about 30 mph) but that can still push stuff around. The meteorologists are also saying that we could be in for a lot of rain too. And I live right on the banks of a reletively large creek (almost a river!).

Fortunately, I live on the higher of the banks, so the other side floods much sooner than mine...

OK, about the fair.

I went with my folks, since they happened to get a few tickets from a friend and I had nothing better to do. And as we always do when we go during an afternoon, we started with the Ramblin' Lou Family Band.

Ramblin' Lou is an old friend of the family, and has been in radio for years. His whole family are very talented musicians, so the concert is always great to attend. Plus, Ramblin' Lou tells some pretty good jokes. Old, but good.

After that we pretty much just wandered around to all the different boothes and displays. We caught the end of a balancing act at one of the big show domes. The acrobat was doing strength stunts (like a one handed hand-stand) at the top off a tower made from about 12 wooden chairs (the bottom chair was balanced on top of four wine bottles).

There was also a nice little Birds Of Prey display. No eagles, but a couple of hawks, three or four falcons and a handful of owls.

Then we browsed the Agro Center. It's a large building that has mostly commercial displays. As opposed to the non-profit stuff like the birds... or cows.) There were the usual things there like juicers, windshield replacers, gutter helmets.

The one thing that really stood out for me was the display booth for something I think was called Starry Night or something. It was an incredible display. They had a small room set up with luminescent stars painted on the walls and ceiling. While the lights were on, you couldn't see anything unusual, just the regular ceiling and wall-paper. But when they turned off the light, an astronomically accurate star scape appeared. Then, after the saleswoman showed us a stargazer's trick I didn't know about (You rub your hands together to create some friction heat and then hold them over your eyes to warm and relax the muscles of your eyes. This allows you to get your night vision much faster.) the stars really came out. It was as good as being way out in the country on a moonless night. Plus, you could actually reach out and touch them.

Shortly after we left the Agro, the sky really clouded up. But we made it into one of the beer/food shelters about 15 seconds ahead of the downpour. Really good timing on that. It rained for about 25 minutes, and when it was over, we headed for the exit.

Fortunately for us, the path back to our car led us right by the Community Stage where a hypnotist was performing. We walked up right after he had put a large group of people under. And the, after weeding out the people who weren't responsive enough (or in one case, too hypnotized ... all he did was sit there slumped over.) he put them through his routine.

He made them see things, hear things, feel things. He made them laugh, cry, scream, and sing. He made them walk around like robots. He made them dance. Tap, tango, and J-Lo style. I have to admit that it was hilarious, but you will never get me up on stage with a hypnotist.

And that was how I spent my Sunday evening. Not too bad a way to end a weekend.

America's Fair

Just got home from the America's Fair. Formerly known as The Erie County Fair.

It's the largest (or second largest, the numbers could go either way) county fair in the United States, and only a few of the State Fairs are larger.

After all that walking around though, I'm a little tired. So I'll save what I saw for tomorrow.

We Are The Champions!!!!!

Well, OK, it was just a pre-season game. But it was against Green Bay!

That's two down, and ... well, the whole season to go.

A word of advice

While corn on the cob is a finger food, it is not compatable with driving.

I love NFL Films.

Watching the 2004 season film before the pre-season game and I was struck by how great the Bills were last year. According to NFL Films anyways.

The guys who edit those films are great. They can take a loosing team and make them look good. They can take a slightly above average team and make you wonder why they didn't win the Super Bowl.

To be honest, the Bills were only a little above average last year. But they did have some pretty awesome highlights. I forgot how many kicks they returned for touchdowns last year.

GO BILLS!!!!!

WOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Bills Football starts in half an hour with their first Pre-Season game!

And it's even on TV!

(Good thing too. My football withdrawal was getting pretty bad...)

Looky!

I added an icon to my site! Thanks to basil, posting the web tip over at the Alliance.

He and phin are putting up some real good tips on blogging (mostly technical stuff) every week or so.

Blog Crawl

Well, even though I forgot it was going to happen, I seem to have had the right post up for the Bad Example Family Drunken Blog Crawl. Everyone who was drunk enough seemed to enjoy the Yeti Joke.

OK. No one seemed to enjoy the joke, but I'm sure that being drunk helped take some of the sting away.

The worst thing was, I had the evening off, and I completely forgot to go around and party. :-(

Oh well, I'm pretty anti-social (not in the mass murderer sense, but more in the wall-flower sense) anyways, so I'm sure no one really missed me not being there.

Here's the Bad Example Family if you want to go pick up after everyone.

Nerf™

With all the worry about the foam insulation falling off the Space Shuttle's fuel tank, it kind of puts a whole different light on the dangers of those Nerf™ toys...

In Case You Missed It

My Blogless Brother sent me this little link to use in case you missed the Shuttle Launch this morning.

Open Windows Media Player and then open url http://www.nasa.gov/55644main_NASATV_Windows.asx this is showing replays of the launch plus live audio.

I did hear that they may have had part of one of the shield tiles fall off. If they did, this is one of the things that NASA has been working on in the two years since the Columbia tragedy. I'm pretty confidant that they have the safety of the crew at the foremost in their minds.

That said, every astronaut knows the risks whenever they have a launch. And I'm sure they gladly accept them for the chance to get to space.

Just some Pointless Rambling

Tooooooo humid today. Oof.

The temps were down, only up to 90. But the humidity was unbearable.

Oh well, soon enough, we'll be complaining about how cold it is.

Just one good thing about winter though. You can always put more clothes on to get warmer. During the summer, there is always a point after which you can't take any more off... without getting arrested anyways.

There's something that I need to remember to get from the hardware store tomorrow, but I can't remember what it is.

Anybody got any ideas?

Cleanup time

Well, the party for my Grandmother went real well. Just about everyone who could show up did. The weather cleared up enough that everyone was able to enjoy sitting outside for the Cheveta's Chicken.

Unfortunately, no one but me and a 5-year old third or fourth cousin wanted to go swimming. Good thing I didn't buy all those pool toys I was looking at in the pool store...

Congrats Lance!

Even though the race ended with rain, he still won.

I love it!

Mathmetician humor can be pretty good. Casual Pi Day is today. 22/7 (July 22nd)

Hat Tip: Frank J. of IMAO.

How to prevent a shark attack.

I just turned on Discovery Channel, and they're doing "Shark Week." The current show is SHARKBITE! SURVIVING THE GREAT WHITE.

The voice-over guy just made the comment, "The best way to prevent an attack is to know about shark behavior." Or something like that.

He's wrong. The best way to avoid a shark attack is to live in North Dakota. Prove me wrong.

How was your weekend?

Mine was ...long. A lot of driving was involved. Also a wedding and a reception. A lot of rain too...

Go to the Extended Entry to check out my Weekend Travelogue.

First, on Friday after work, I drove down to my brother's house in Ohio.

Leg 1: About 260 miles (4.5 hours)

I was supposed to have internet access here, but his lan-cable was accidentally cut on Thursday. He forgot to tell me this before I drove down, so I was unable to post my Filthy Lie on time. *grumble, grumble*

Saturday morning, my brother and I got ready and left to meet up with my Grandparents and Aunt; who drove across Canada (the short way) to where my cousin who was getting married lived.

Leg 2: About 190 miles (3.5 hours)

Of course they weren't at the Motel 6 when we got there. (And no one had their cell phones on...) But they did show up shortly after we started calling around, so we were able to freshen up a little before the wedding. I had hoped that there would be some internet access there as well, but no luck.

From there, we drove up to the church where the wedding was being held. Somewhere along this stretch, we used my brother's Bluetooth to post my Filthy Lie, only half a day late.

Leg 3: About 30 miles (half an hour)

Then there was the wedding! Congratulations Mike and Diana!!!!!

It was a very nice service. My cousin Diana got all choked up during her vows. Her dad (my uncle) did the same thing at the reception when he gave the married couple a toast/blessing.

After the reception (which was just around the corner from the church, so no new travel leg) I drove my brother home.

Leg 4: About 220 miles (4 hours)

Just before we got to his house (about a mile away) this happened:

60,000 miles! YAY!

Kind of something to celebrate since it was having my Jeep hit 50,000 miles that inspired me to start this blog.

The next morning, Sunday, I drove home.

Leg 5: About 260 miles (4.5 hours ...or so)

And then I was home!

I still had to work a half shift to close the store Sunday night though...

Terror in a 6 by 6 room.

There's a mosquito in the Men's room at work. No matter how much you look when you first enter the room, you can never find it.

But just as soon as you start your business, and are standing there with one hand holding up your pants, and the other hand... aiming - that's when it appears. First it flies towards your face, and you quickly use a puff of air to shoo it away. Then it flies around behind you.

Now you can't see where it is. If it comes close enough to your head, you can hear it. But that's almost worse than just not being able to see it.

All of a sudden, you see it. Now it's hovering right above your waist. You were happier when it was behind you. Much happier.

You try to swat it away with the hand holding up your pants, but all that does is give the mosquito more of a target.

Finally you finish and quickly zip up. Of course now that you have both hands free again, the bug is nowhere to be found. But as you wash your hands, you realize that the ordeal is over for now... at least untill that liter of Pepsi you drank catches up with you.

Favorite scene.

I was reading somewhere about the 100 best lines in the movies, I think it was over there at Curmudgeonly and Skeptical... yep. But that's not what I wanted to talk about.

For some reason, that post got me thinking about my favorite scenes in the movies. After a while, I finally figured out my very favorite moment of a movie... for now anyways.

Now the Ghostbusters movies, one and two, were both great movies. And on the whole, I would say that the first was the better.

But remember in the second one when the Ghostbusters had to rally the city of New York behind them? They used some of the "good" slime they had and animated the Statue of Liberty. Well, right after they sprayed the goo all over, and started the music (Jackie Wilson's Your Love Keeps Lifting Me) there is a moment when you're waiting for it to work... and then, the torch on the Statue of Liberty ignites into a massive ball of flame!

Sure, it's not the greatest movie in the world, but that has to be my favorite scene.

Which kind of got me thinking... how could we get the torch to do that in real life? And wouldn't that look cool!

(Hey, I've got a thing for explosions... but in a good way. ie. no collateral damage.)

Oh yeah...

I almost forgot. The roundup for the Filthy Lies about Frank J. is up over at The Alliance HQ.

Happy Birthday IMAO!

One of the blogs that I read a lot of right before I started my own was, and still is, IMAO. And today is IMAO's third birthday.

And what do you give a blog for it's birthday? Links!!!!!!

INDEED!

Oh, my!

If you want to see the winner of this year's Ugliest Dog contest, click here. But be warned! This dog definitely earned it's title...

(Hat tip John Hawkin's Conservative Grapevine.)

Yay!

The Deep Impact live coverage just started on NASA TV!!!!!

Since I don't have the ability to look through the Earth, this is how I have to observe the whole thing. I'm just glad DirecTV carries NASA TV.

I may add some comments as this goes on. But I've never live blogged before...

UPDATE:
Boom! They hit it!

Nice shooting, guys.

Now we just have to wait for the really Hi-Res pictures to be released.

Torpedos Away!

Well, not exactly. But the impactor from the Deep Impact spacecraft was successfully released earlier today. So everything is right on target for tonight's cometary meeting.

The impact should take place at about 1:52AM July 4 (EDT). Unfortunately, it won't be visable from the East coast.

But don't despair! NASA TV will be covering the whole thing live starting at around 11:30! If you don't have NASA TV on your cable or dish (you probably do, but you might have to look for it) you can also see it at wwiTV.com. There is usually a button on the right sidebar that will take you directly to NASA TV. (You may need to upgrade your RealPlayer to get it to run properly.)

If you want more information about this whole event check out Space.com. This article was really good at explaining everything that they're trying to do.

Enjoy the fireworks everyone!

Fireworks

Here's a little something I found last year around The Fourth.

Have fun making your own fireworks!

A Question.

If I got a couple of tickets to the Charlie Daniels concert this Saturday (July 2^nd) in Varysburg, NY (about 45 minutes outside of Buffalo), would anyone want to go? I'm not sure who the opening acts are, but the music starts around 4~4:30 and goes til dark.

The evening would include the greatest fireworks display in this half of the state. (I went to one of these concerts 2 or three years ago, and the fireworks lasted for an hour - set to music. And they always get better each year.) I'd even throw a free Jeep ride into the evening (gotta drive there some way.)

If anyone is interested, let me know!

Pool's Open!

I'm finishing up filling the pool today, so it's un-officially open now. (Which just beats the deadline of opening it before Summer starts - tomorrow.)

So, anyone is welcome to come over and go swimming. Just let me know if you feel like a dip. :-)

Happy Father's Day!

Not much I can say, other than I really do appreciate my Dad. Even if I work for him and am supposed to have the traditional employer-employee hate thing.

It works out pretty well. He knows I'll never call in sick just because I want to go fishing, and I know that he usually won't make any unreasonable schedules.

Happy Father's Day, Dad.

How... illuminating

Last night, after I closed up the store and was heading home, I stopped to watch some of the light show the thunder storms were putting on. It wasn't raining much where I was, but the town just to the south of me was getting pounded. (According to radio reports, there were over 25,000 ground strikes in the Western New York area during last night's storms. That may be just a normal Florida night, but it was a little extreme for us.)

So to stay out of the little rain I was getting, and to have a good view of the southern sky, I stood under the Diesel Pump canopy. Mostly, what I saw was just the clouds lighting up from lightning bolts I couldn't directly see. But every once in a while, I was treated to a spectacular lightning strike.

None of them were within miles of me, but as I stood there I started thinking about a few things. On the one hand, I was under a structure that had to have been engineered to withstand lightning strikes and should be perfectly safe. On the other hand, I was standing under a 30 foot tall metal canopy sitting on top of 20,000 gallons of fuel.

It was late, and I was getting tired, so discretion won out and I went home. But it was still fun to watch.

A Graph

A short time ago, Harvey (my adoptive Blogfather... awe gee, I've still got figure out what to get him his father's day present...) anyways, what Harvey did was recomend that I put the Site Meter code on all of my archive pages.

He figured that I wasn't getting all of the hits that I should have.

Here's a graphical look at the last months numbers...

Can you guess when I made the changes?

A Question.

I know that since it's Sunday, I may not get as many people as on a weekday, but I just have to ask these questions.

Do you put ketchup on your scrambled eggs, and what part of the country are you in?

This is part of my reasearch in finding if anywhere else in the US has food as good as in Buffalo...

We'll get into pizza and wings some other time.

Always follow your blogfather's advice

At Harvey's suggestion, I set up Site Meter on my archive pages. He noticed that Site Meter was not tracking anyone who was only looking at archived posts. Apparently, this meant that I was loosing a lot of traffic.

Well, after a little less than a day, I finally figured out what I was doing wrong while following Site Meter's incredibly easy instructions, and got it working.

My per hour traffic nearly tripled!

So, anyone reading this. Take Harvey's advice! Make sure that you are getting all the traffic count you are really earning.

(Hmmm.. I wonder, if I put Site Meter on the front page two times, will it double my traffic numbers?)

The Real Men are not dead.

...but one of them is limping a little.

I just had a guy stop in at the station. He came into the store, limping a little and asked where the Gatorade™ was. As I pointed him to the right cooler, I noticed that his left kneecap was a little... chewed up.

I think I said "Ouch. That doesn't look very good."

His reply was something like, "Yeah, I cut it with a chainsaw, and I'm going to the doctor's to get it stitched up. You got any lighters?"

I then made a comment about how lucky he was. Something aoubt there being a lot of guys who were named "Stumpy" after playing with chainsaws. He chuckled and said that it wasn't too bad, he tried to bandage it himself, but opted for the stitches after his wife started screaming at him to go to the hospital.

I wished him good luck, as he walked out the door. He climbed into his truck, lit up a Marlboro, and drove away.

And I thought to myself. "There goes one tough guy."

An Apology

Earlier this week, I made a post with a generic romance novel scene. I was just goofing around trying to amuse myself, but somehow garnered the ire of some serious romance readers. And a few authors as well.

I want to say that I was not trying to ridicule the authors of this genre. I know that it takes lots of dedication, and not an inconsiderable amount of talent to write anything. Romance novels included. I do stand by the statement that they are cranked out by the millions. Just take a look at the bookshelves in your local department store or grocery. (If the store even sells books anymore.)

Along one side, there will be a section of top 10 or top 20 best sellers. Way over on the other end of the shelves, you might find a couple of Westerns, four or five Sci-Fi/Fantasy, maybe a half dozen Thrillers, and a Diet book. The entire rest of the 20 foot display will be Harlequin Romance style books.

Now, this does indicate that they are very popular. And I'm not going to argue that fact. It's just that personally, that style of book doesn't interest me very much.

I am a voracious reader. Sci-Fi and Fantasy mostly with the occasional Western or Military Novel. And I like having a little romance in the story as part of the sub-plots, but I couldn't read a novel that was designed entirely around the romance part. I have tried, and I usually put the book away less than a quarter of the way through.

After a bit of soul searching, the conclusion that I have come to is that... I'm a guy. The Romance Novel is the literary version of the "Chick Flick" (they are even occasionally based on one another), and like most guys, that isn't really what I'm interested in. I'm the same way about Soaps. Another very popular, long running form of Fiction that I would not watch unless my life depended on it.

But to all of those out there who are fans of these styles that I don't like, enjoy watching or reading them as much as your heart desires. If I have offended any of you ...think that you were only surfing the web as you slept, and that this was all a harmless Midspring night's dream. (Yes, I do read Shakespeare occasionally too.)

Too grumpy for funny

I was going to write a wonderful essay on how Pizza is the world's most perfect food.

But I kind of lost my funny earlier this evening.

Let's just say that a straw finally broke this camels back. It wasn't something that I was proud of, which has left me in a bad mood all night.

I'll try to be funny tomorrow. Got a filthy lie to do...

OK, this is confusing.

What is the point of this?

You take the smallest car you can find, and then you stretch it into a limo, so enough people can fit into it. Wouldn't it have made a little more sense to have taken a mini-van and just used it?

I know, I know. This is all about status, right? But the people probably sitting in that limo in Cannes are the same people who are screaming that SUVs are destroying the Earth, and that you should cram all of your groceries and kids into a Yugo. Or better yet, stick them on the handlebars of your bicycle.

A memory

Early tonight was a pretty good time to see Earth-shine on the Moon. If you have dark enough skies, and know what you're looking for, you can see the slight reflection of the light Earth is reflecting...

Um... the upshot of all of this is that you can just see the part of the moon that is not directly illuminated by the sun.

The reason I started this whole post is that when I was getting home from dinner (after a very long day at work, I treated myself to a Roadie at Roadhouse Grill) I noticed that I could see the Earth-shine lit moon. Which reminded me of the very first time I noticed this particular phenomenon.

I was about 4 or 5, and my family happened to be living in Southern California, (Dad was still in the Navy, and stationed out of San Diego) when early one evening I saw what I thought was the planet or other moon that went in front of the Moon to make it's phases.

Hey, I was only a kid!

I remember saying something about what I saw, but don't really remember the reply from my parents, other than there was nothing that came between the Earth and the Moon. It wasn't until I was much older, that I learned what I had really seen.

Funny what you can remember from 25 years earlier, the same day you can't remember where you left the remote...

Painting!

Went to my blogless brother's house in Ohio today. He needed some help painting some rooms inside his new house.

Man, am I sick of manual labor today.

Ahhhh. Time for some Wolfenstein ET!

Die NAZIS!!!!!!!! DIE!!!!!

This is even more interesting than I thought.

I followed this link that Harvey left in the comments to my last post for the story about Donald Herbert, the recovering firefighter, and noticed that the spokesman for the family was someone that I know. Simon Manka, the uncle of the fireman, was one of the Scoutmasters for my old Boy Scout Troop, and is a very good friend of my father.

Pretty weird, eh? And I didn't even know until I read about it in a British news report.

Earlier today, my father spoke with his friend and got a good first hand account of what happened, and everything was pretty much the way it was reported in the news. He was sitting there in an almost totally unresponsive state, when he just turned to one of the staff at the Father Baker Convelcence Home and asked to speak to his wife.

I'm just glad that my cynicism was unfounded, and that this story is getting the press that it deserved.

For those of you so inclined, please pray that Mr. Herbert continues to improve.

A feel good story.

Wow. This is great!

Donald Herbert, a firefighter who had been unable to speak due to brain-damage suffered in the line of duty made a surprising leap foreward in his recovery recently. After 9 years, mostly spent in a Convelescence Home, he suddenly started talking earlier this weekend.

Friends and family say that both his speach and memory appear to have returned.

The reason for his recovery is still unclear. One theory is that while his family were told that talking to him would help, this is the first time anyone shut up long enough for him to respond...

Seriously though, I've been hearing this story all day on local radio, yet couldn't find more than one story about it on the net. I'm not saying that there is a media conspiracy to bury this story, even though it does bring up eerie images of Terry Schiavo. I figure it's just another case of "if it bleeds, it leads." This is a feel good story, and is thus relegated to the bottom of the news pile.

I just hope that I'm wrong about that. Who knows, maybe it'll hit the big-time media in a couple of days.

A belated WELCOME!

To my newest Blog-brother, Shakey Pete of Shakey Pete's Shootin' Shack. He was a regular commentor and guest-poster over at Bad Example for a while, but eventually he gave in to peer pressure and started his own blog.

I know I've had more than a few Bad Example family members join that I didn't welcome to the Blogshpere (Or Blogdodecahedron if you're so inclined). And I don't want any of them to feel slighted. It's just that I'm usually too lazy to things like this.

But Pete is just a little different. He's the first person to start a blog after I said "Go start a blog!" And while I know that my voice probably didn't have any real effect on his final decision to start blogging, I still think of myself as a little bit of a Bloguncle. (Even though we both have the same Blogfather. The Bad Example Family is full of things like that...)

I know that it won't take long for Peter to surpass me in readers and all around blogginess. I don't mind. He has a lot better stuff than I do to say.

In fact check out a few posts from his first week of blogging.

Here's a great article about Gun Proofing your child. And while I didn't actually go through any of this myself, I agree wholeheartedly on the entire issue.

Peter also shares his thoughts on the 30^th anniversary of a dark April 30^th in South-East Asia. Fortunately, I was too young to be able to remember this day myself. (Only one and a half years old at the time.) However, I have studied my American History, so I do share a lot of the feelings that Pete expressed. Let's hope the country can learn from what really happened. And not just what revisionist historians tell us happened.

Busted!

Remember these guys? They claimed to have found a bunch of old U.S. Currency in some cans while digging in one of the their back yards. Old bills worth up to $75,000!

Sounded too good to be true, right?

Well it was. Too good to be true that is. It seems now, that they found the money in someone else's attic or barn while doing contractor work for them. And Massachusetts state law says that anything found on someone's property, or in their home, is the property owner's. If that last sentence was a little confusing, let me put it this way - the two guys stole the money.

It seems that with all of the media attention, they kept changing their stories a little bit too often. That got the authorities interested, who investigated and discovered where the money really came from.

According to the story, the biggest mistake the two guys made was announcing their find to the media. Once that happened, it was only a matter of time before the story went national and then, the close media scrutiny was too much for their fabricated tale of discovery. If they hadn't said anything to anyone, they probably would have been able to sell off all of the money with no one the wiser.

No PHISHING!

I'm pretty sure that this is just somebody trying to steal my e-bay account, since I saw the exact same e-mail in the Alliance g-mail inbox. Anybody else get this piece of trash?

Dear valued customer Need Help?

We regret to inform you that your eBay account could be suspended if you don't re-update your account information. To resolve this problems please click here and re-enter your account information. If your problems could not be resolved your account will be suspended for a period of 24 hours, after this period your account will be terminated.

For the User Agreement, Section 9, we may immediately issue a warning, temporarily suspend, indefinitely suspend or terminate your membership and refuse to provide our services to you if we believe that your actions may cause financial loss or legal liability for you, our users or us. We may also take these actions if we are unable to verify or authenticate any information you provide to us.

Due to the suspension of this account, please be advised you are prohibited from using eBay in any way. This includes the registering of a new account. Please note that this suspension does not relieve you of your agreed-upon obligation to pay any fees you may owe to eBay.

Regards,Safeharbor Department eBay, Inc
The eBay team.
This is an automatic message. Please do not reply.

Happy Birthday!

To my other blogless brother (not Culzephyr) in Rhode Island. He turns the big 3-0 today.

...now if we can just get him out of school.

Mini Mouse

I was in Office Max earlier today, (Had to pick up some ram for the office computer. It's got more memory than my 5 year younger laptop, but still only works about as fast as a union employee leaning on a shovel. But that's the only computer some of the older folks in the family can use, so we keep fixing it.) and I saw the coolest little mini retractable mouse.

Now, normally I'm not the kind of person to impulse buy ...who am I kidding? I almost bought an inflatable raft the last time I was in Sam's Club. But I did manage to talk myself out of that one. (The creek was running too low for decent white-water rafting. Not that it's ever really white, but sometimes you can get some pretty good brown-water rafting.)

Anyways, I did buy it, and it works just great! The best part was the little velour satchel that it came with. Not that the bag was why I bought the mouse. But since it was hidden in the packaging, it was a nice surprise when I found it.

Oh yeah, it's optical too. I hate having to clean the rollers in a traditional mouse. And I will never buy one again.

UPDATE: Since the link doesn't work, (Who knew you couldn't link directly to a catalog page at Office Max?) here's a picture of the mighty MiniMouse sitting next to my Dad's wireless mouse. Also included is my left palm, for even worse size comparison. (I have those freakishly short fingers, dont-cha-know.)

Nothing to say today

...Except that the CSI re-runs on SpikeTV were pretty good tonight. I don't know if the clues were just too obvious, or I'm getting better at murder mysteries, but I figured most of the murders out real early.

... And, got some road construction goin' on at the corner. Hopefully, they'll finish up tonight, and the intersection will go back to normal. It totally killed business at the store today.

Still can't figure out why they're resurfacing the road though. It wasn't too bad and there are a buch of much worse roads in the area. Although, come to think of it, the road they're doing is a State road, and all the other roads in the area are town and county (Motto: Erie, the county with no money!) roads, which aren't likely to be improved any time soon.

Ahhh. New York. Wasting more money in one day, than 20 other states combined.

Time to watch some "Who's Line?" See y'all later!

Oh yeah, I just want to say that the best cola commercial I've seen in a long time is the "Lime in the Coke, you nut!" commercial for the new Lime-Coke. But I have to say that I like the taste of the new Lime-Pepsi a little better. I know it's just a copy of the Coke product, but I still like the flavor more.

EerieCon 7

Just got back from EerieCon 7.

I only went to one day's events, but it was a lot of fun. It was the first time I had ever gone to an event like that, so I was a little confused at first. But all in all I had a good time.

I sat in on a few authors reading excerpts from their books, a couple of author discussion panels, and a 'game show' called What Line's Mine.

The game show was seven authors who had to identify who wrote a book quote that was read to them. 10 points were awarded for getting it right, and no points off for getting it wrong ...unless it was that author's work. Then it was -20 points for the author who couldn't identify his or her own writing. Cheating was encouraged (i.e. looking to see what name the other authors were holding up before making your own guess) but not often done well.

The best laugh of the night came when Allen Steele failed to recognize a line from one of his own books ...that everyone else got right. He kept claiming that he never wrote it right up to when the moderator handed him the card with the quote and it's book on it. When he realized that he had been wrong, his response was "Oh F***!" Much to the amusement of the 50 or 60 people in the room. (To be fair, it was a book he had written 16 years earlier, longer than some of the others had been writing professionally.)

I'm definitely looking forward to the convention again next year. I might even get a hotel room and stay for the whole three days. There were a couple of things that I skipped on tonight because I didn't want to be driving home at 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning. But just driving up there for today was pretty cool. Especially for my first Sci-Fi/Fantasy/Horror convention.

(Although I have to say I didn't see too much horror stuff. Just some slightly scary Fantasy things.)

That Was Cool!

I just got home from an book signing and author interview at Borders. There were four authors there, one straight Sci-Fi, and three Fantasy writers. Allen Steele, Lynn Flewelling, Will McDermott (another Terry Pratchett fan, like me), and Anne Bishop.

It was the first time I'd ever gone to one of these kinds of things, and it was really good. The authors gave a little panel discussion on their books, writing, and the world of publishing. Then after the question and answer session, they signed books. I got book from each of them.

I haven't read any of their works before, so I look forward to discovering their styles. The only author that was supposed to be there that I was familiar with, Stephen Brust, was unable to make it due to a severe infection. He was hospitalized earlier this week for it.

All in all, it was a good way to spend a couple of hours. Now I've got to see if I can make it to EerieCon 7 this weekend. I might be able to squeeze Saturday in...

Linky Stuff

The Roundup for the Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn's Reality TV is up over at the Alliance HQ.

Also, I have taken it upon myself to make up the filthy lie assignment for next week. That is up over at the Alliance HQ, also.

Harvey's guest poster Peter has another wonderfull post over at Bad Example on what to do once you've failed to avoid getting into a gunfight. Part of a good series Peter is posting over there.

Incidentally, Peter's post has also been linked to by the Carnival of Chordite. A lot of good reads there every week.

OK

Taxes are done. That chore is over for another year.

Running a little late on my PGHA, but it should be up soon.

One more try.

The Mega Millions is up to $120,000,000's tonight. So I'm trying to win again.

Yeah, I know the odds, but even at 60million to one, it's worth a shot.

And this was an excuse to play with some html font code.

I love this channel!

This is great!

"What's Opera Doc" is on the Boomerang Channel! The greatest cartoon ever.

If you don't know which one I'm talking about, here's a little hint.

Kill the wabbit!
Kill the wabbit!
Kill the wabbit!

Hehehehehe.

A question.

When responding to someone's comment on a post, and you really want them to know about the response, what is the best way to do it?

Do you:

1. Post your own comment and expect them to check back later.


2. Reply to their e-mail notification of the comment, and then copy your reply to the comments of the post.


3. Post the comment and then forward the e-mail notification to the original commenter.

I guess I'm sort of talking myself into the second one.

Is there an accepted/standardized way to do this?

Ooh.

Sucks to be them.

Meanwhile, here in Buffalo, the media-proclaimed snow capital of the world, I've had the top down on the Jeep for the last two days. (To be fair, I do have to wear a denim jacket while driving.)

Way Cool!

For those of you who are like me right now, and have internet access but no TV, you can still watch The Masters Tournament on streaming video.

As of right now, the final round hasn't started yet, but they have the camera on the Practice Tee running. It's a lot like the scene from Tin Cup.

They've also got some golfers playing their practice round on holes 6 and 12.

One note, it didn't want to work for my Mozilla browser. But it seems just fine on IE, Netscape and Firefox.

UPDATE: Ooops. You can't watch it. CBS has exclusive rights. But you can still listen to an audio broadcast

GAK!!!!

After reading this disgusting disturbing story, I may never wash my face again.

I don't care if I have chlorinated/filtered water. You can't be too carefull in a situation like this.

I'm just glad there was no picture attached to the story...*shudder*

Good advice.

Over at Castle Argghhh! there are some important rules posted. Well, important to anyone interested in flying...

Some examples:

• The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.


• Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.


• Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

Check them out. I guarantee a good laugh or two. Although, a couple might require a second or two of extra thought to get.

And Many More

It's a Bad GREAT Anniversary over at Bad Example. Harvey and Beloved Wife TNT are celebrating their 6^th wedding anniversary.

I'm not very up on the whole Paper Anniversary/Silver Anniversary stuff. Heck, I can barely remember my brother's anniversary. (Fortunately, not my problem... I only have to send a card during the right month.) But I figure that the Sixth Anniversary should be the Electron Anniversary!

So go on over and leave some electrons in their comments! Or at the very least, some ones and zeros coded into nice things to say to a couple on their anniversary.

Here's wishing them many more years of happiness!!

I'm feeling lucky...

I've got $2 running on the MegaMillions Lottery for tonight.

I'll let you know if I win.

Hey, I might even be persuaded to share a little with anyone who comments....

;-)

Chopsticks

I tried out a new Chinese restaurant earlier this week for dinner. The food there was great. I'm a big fan of Kung Po Chicken, and they made it just the way I like it. The Lo Mein was also very good. I'll be going back soon.

The funny thing is, I like to read while I eat. And when I was done eating, I used the paper wrapper the chopsticks came in as a book-mark.

It's a few days later, and I just recently noticed the instructions printed on the wrapper.

On the front.

Welcome to Chinese Restaurant.
please try your Nice Chinese Food With Chopsticks
the traditional and typical of Chinese glonous history.
and cultual.

BAMBOO CHOPSTLCKS
PRODUCT OF CHINA

And then, on the back, instructing you in how to use them.

Learn how to use your chopsticks

Tuk under thurnb
and held firmly

Add second chcostick
hold it as you hold
a pencil

Hold tirst chopstick
in originai position
move the second
one up and down
Now you can pick
up anything:

Fortunately, I already knew how to use the chopsticks. So I wasn't confused by the Engrish instructions.

Still, it does make a good book-mark...

Sweet!

I'm sure that everyone's seen the new Dark Side dark chocolate M&M's, right?

Well you can also get customized message M&M's in a special Star Wars(tm) tin.

I know this sounds like a commercial. But I think it's a pretty cool idea. Not that I would spend my money on it... well, maybe for someone special.

To bad I'm not a big enough site to get a little free merchandise just for mentioning them.

Really Cool Stuff

Check out the Google Maps site! It only takes a moment to find your house, and then if you're lucky, you can get a pretty up-close satelite photo of the area. I'm close enought to Buffalo, that I've got a high res picture. I can even see my car!

On an interesting side note, I was just cruising around Washinton, D.C. using the satelite photo at the most zoomed in setting, and the Capitol Building is all pixeled out. But not the White House... interesting.

(Hat tip: Rocket Jones)

Who's on first? Word.

Another e-mail forwarded to me by my blogless brother Culbrez (or Culzephyr... he keeps changing his handle)

It's long, so most of it is in the extended entry.

ABBOTT AND COSTELLO'S COMPUTER (If they were still alive they surly would have done this routine). You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this.

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT...

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den
and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at
the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer
and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can
use to write proposals, track expenses and run my
business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend
anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK,
let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want
to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you
don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget
that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.

COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I
watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I
need!

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch
reels 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them?

ABBOTT: Of course.

COSTELLO: Great! With what?

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a
movie. What do I do?

ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT: The blue "1".

COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?

ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is
Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for
windows"!

ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word
in the world.

COSTELLO: It is?

ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other
Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other
Words out there.

COSTELLO: And that word is real one?

ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One
isn't even part of Office.

COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about
financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track
my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer?
How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later...)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START".

Brain. Turning. Off.

Just got Doom3 for Xbox.

See you in a few days... or whenever I get tired of being killed (over and over and over...)

UPDATE:OK. Two hours is enough for right now. Maybe more later...

I'm Lucky!

Wow! I can't believe it. I feel so lucky.

I won the lottery!

Twice!

Today!

I won the Euro International Lottery this morning. And then I got a notice that I won the Netherland's Lottery this afternoon.

The Euro International Lottery was only for 500,000.00 Euros. But the Netherland's Lottery was for 700,000.00 Euros. That's 1.2 million Euros!

That makes over $1.5 million US!

All that money will come in handy too. It should help me take care of the expenses involved with a big investment from South Africa that I was also told of today. If I take care of the up front costs, there is a potential profit there of over $18 million.

Man am I making so much money today.

Don't you miss the days when spam was just junk-mail? Since all of those are illegal, now all of the spam I get are scams. On the other hand, all of those (V)iagra ads were getting a little annoying.

Just in case

I don't know if I have any regular readers who aren't already members of the Alliance of Free Bloggers, but if there are, I have a small announcement to make.

I have been drafted into the position of the Alliance's Filthy Lie and Precision Guided Humor Assignment Wrangler!

Everyone knows what a wrangler is right?

Yes. It's a model of Jeep, but that's not what I meant.

Yes. It's a brand of jeans too. But that's still not it.

OK. For those who haven't got it yet; I'm now in charge of the Roundups for the Alliance assignments. Get it? A wrangler is another word for cowboy... who do cattle roundups...

Oh forget it. It sounded clever to me.

Oh the weather outside is frightfull...

Argh!

It's snowing - still. I think we got a good 4 inches overnight and this morning, and the white stuff is still coming down.

Well, it could be worse. My parents got over 8 inches at their house. Of course, they only live 10 miles SOUTH of me... (And just enough higher in elevation for the snow to start earlier. It was still rain by me untill around midnight.)

On the other hand, it is really good snowball snow! You know, the kind that makes the perfect snowball with almost no effort. And it's pretty dense snow, so you only have to grab a handfull at a time. It hardly needs any compression.

I guess it would make good snowmen too, but I don't think that will be happening. It's April for crying out loud! Then again, snowball-sized snowmen are great little targets for a pellet gun.

UPDATE: They were great little targets! And now my fingers are cold. But all in all, a good way to unwind after work.

Time to spring foreward

Tonight at 2AM, whatever time zone you are in, you have to set your clocks ahead one hour. Don't forget, or you'll be an hour late all day.

Did I ever say how much I hate Daylight Savings Time? Why can't noon be when the sun is at it's highest due south? (give or take a few degrees, I'm not going to scrap the whole time zone idea) It makes telling time by the sun, and navigation by knowing the time sooooooo much easier if you don't have to convert from Daylight Savings time!

/rant

$3

Someone just came in and tried to get change for a $3 bill. It looked reasonably real. Had a picture of Jackson (the President, not Michael) on the front and everything.

Of course the back said United States of Anemia.

I gave him the benefit of the doubt and assumed it was an attempted April Fool's Joke, so I didn't call the cops.

That reminds me, the last $3 bill I saw had a picture of Clinton on the front... I forget what it said on the back.

Pope John Paul II (and Charlie)

Athough I am a Christian, I'm not a Catholic. So I don't consider the Pope to be any more infallible than the next man. However, I do believe that this pope is, or was a godly man. In that respect, I do mourn his severe illness, and impending death. I know that he has no fear of death, but that he is only holding on to life in appreciation of the glorious gift from God that it is.

I don't have any personal memories of John Paul II. Other than that he has held that office for nearly my entire life. I do appreciate the great things that he did in helping to defeat the Soviet Union, and I just wish that I could have met him and had a chance to talk to him, man to man. I think that would have been a good conversation...

But anyways, because I know that soon he will be in Glory. I offer this little joke that came to mind. There is no disrespect inteded in any way. But whenever I saw, in the news, anything about the Pope, I always thought of this little story.

Two friends were arguing in a bar one day. Charlie, the first guy, was saying how he knew everybody! There wasn't a person that he hadn't met.

Bob, even though he was his good friend, didn't believe him. "Charlie, you can't know everyone." He said. "I bet you don't know the Mayor."

Charlie said, "Sure I do." He pulls out his cell phone and dials a number. After a moment he said, "Hi, this is Charlie. Could you tell my friend Bob here who you are?"

He hands the phone to Bob. The voice on the phone was unmistakably the Mayor, who said to Bob, "How's my old friend Charlie treating you?" Bob is flabbergasted. He talks to the Mayor for a few moments before he handed the phone back.

"OK, you win that one. But I bet you don't know the President!" he challenged.

Charlie just grinned and dragged his friend out to the car. "We're going to DC." He said.

A few hours later, they pull up to the White House. The security guys had all waived Charlie through, but that hadn't impressed Bob. Just then, the President came out of the front door walking his dog. Charlie leaned out the window and waved. Then, to Bob's chagrin, the President walked right over to the car and talked with Charlie for a good fifteen minutes.

As they were driving away, Bob had to admit that Charlie was pretty well known. But he figured that maybe Charlie only knew people in the US. So he said, "I bet that you don't know the Pope!"

Charlie just grinned and drove to the airport. The next day, they were standing outside the Pope's residence. Charlie didn't think that he'd be able to get Bob in, since the security was so tight. But Bob agreed that if he saw the Pope and Charlie together in the Pope's window, then he would admit that Charlie knew everyone.

A short while later, Charlie walked out onto the balcony, arm in arm with the Pope. They waved to the crowds together, and Charlie looked down to find Bob. To his shock, Bob is lying, unconsious on the ground. He quickly rushed down to see what had happened to his friend.

"Are you alright?" He asked when Bob regained consiousness.

"Yeah. I'm OK." he replied. "But that was quite a shock."

"What? When you saw me up there with the Pope?" Charlie asked.

"No," said Bob. "What got me was when the guy standing next to me in the crowd said, 'Hey, who's that guy up there with Charlie?'"

I don't know why. But that joke always popped into my head whenever I saw anything about the Pope. And it always made me smile at least a little.

God Speed, Karol Wojtyla.

OK. They had me for a second...

Sometimes Frank J. is too funny for his own good. While I didn't think he shut down IMAO, I was worried that he had been hacked, or just moved again. And Harvey's statement on the matter didn't help any.

I prefer "In My World"s where Chomps gets killed, to this though. Less strain on the heart.

IMAO better be back tomorrow! *shakes fist*

Don't forget

April 15th is Buy-A-Gun day!

Oh yeah, there is something about taxes then too...

I WANT IT!

Have you ever seen something on TV and instantly determined that your life would not be complete until you possesed it? Other than while watching Baywatch?

Well, sometimes I do. And this is one of those times.

Behold! The SPOUNTAIN!

Convert your faucet into a drinking fountain by just pulling a little lever. Brilliant! Why hasn't anyone ever done this before?

Now where did I put my wallet...

Congratulations!

There's really not much of a point to me posting this here, I don't think I have many readers that don't already know this, but:

Frank J. finally popped the question!

Go congratulate the happy couple!

It has begun.

I made the first step on the road to becoming “The Pistol Packing GEBIV” today. I talked to a certified NY State pistol permit course instructor (NRA certified too). We’ll set a time for the classes when he gets back from a business trip in a few weeks.

In the meantime, my job is to get the reams of paperwork that the state requires to get a permit. I won’t fill any of it out yet. They can be very picky, so my instructor said to wait until he can go over it with me. I guess if you forget to cross an “i” or dot a “t”, your paperwork is automatically rejected. And it’s a long enough process to begin with.

Of course, this means I have to deal with the downsized Erie County Courthouse. Even so, I’m still glad that the extra sales tax was voted down! (We’ll see how I feel when golf season rolls around, and having the county courses closed affects me…)

The only problem I can see so far is that I need three non-related references from the township I live in. I live right on the border, in the corner actually, of my town. Most of the people I know live in the other three towns nearby. I’ll find someone who’ll vouch for me eventually… I hope.

I’ll keep everyone updated on how things are going, here at There’s One, Only!.

If I've said it once...

...I've said it a thousand times:

You got off the 400 at 20 and 78. You wanted to get off at 20A and 78. It's two more exits south.

Guns, guns, and... more guns

For those of you who like loud noises and pieces of metal moving at super-sonic speeds, the Carnival of Chordite is up at Resistance is Futile! There are some really great posts there. I haven't had the chance to read them all yet, but the ones I did read were very good. Go and support your second ammendment right to read about people bearing arms... or something. (I really need to read the Constitution one of these days...)

I found it through a really nice post on choosing your first handgun over at Bad Example. Go read it and cheer on the guest-poster, the blogless Peter. We have to get this guy his own site.

More stuff...

You may have noticed, I changed the "orange". Of course, I didn't really want orange in the first place; I wanted gold. Hopefully, that's what you see now.

Blue and Gold... if you're wondering why, well let's see. My dad is retired Navy, air. He never quite got his wings, but spent his military career on carriers. Air maintenence I think... And I was a cub scout a couple of decades ago...

But mostly, I just like the way blue and gold go together. Too bad my monitor's colors are so different than everyone else's.

It's Good Friday. So enjoy your fish-fry! I'm not Catholic, so I don't eat fish as a religious requirement, but it's hard to find anything else to eat in Buffalo on a friday night in the spring. Every restaurant/diner/church has fried fish on fridays. And I like to eat fried fish anyways, so I guess it's a win - win situation. Too bad they always have cole slaw as the side dish.

Sometime later tonight, Harvey will be getting around to doing the Filthy Lie Roundup for last week's assignment over at the Alliance HQ.

What a whiner. Just because his computer fried itself, we're expected to wait a whole week for our free funny. ;-)

In case you missed it, my entry was this MISSION: IMPLAUSIBLE!

That's about it. Just wanted to make sure today got a line under it in my sidebar calender.

Stuff

Precision Guided Humor Roundup for the Angry Korea Assignment is up at the Alliance HQ.

Long day at work today. Spent the last 3 or 4 hours of it on a turned ankle. So early to bed for me tonight...

By the way, did I turn my comments off or something?

Coming tomorrow.

An epic MISSION: IMPLAUISBLE! two days in the making!

(It's not finished yet, but I'm too tired of writing it at the moment... I'll work on it more after work.)

FINE!

Since my blogfather is complaining soooooooooo much, I'll do something about the blue.

The colors look great on my laptop screen, but apparently those using ancient CRT technology have problems.

(I bet Harvey probably blames his hard drive crashing on the blue I used...)

Spring has sprung!

Er... it doesn't feel a lot different to me though.

I guess I just have the blahs today....

On the other hand, it is also Palm Sunday today. The day we remember and celebrate Christ's triumphal entry into Jerusalem. A day that contrasts so sharply whith what happened to Him the rest of the week. Personally, I can't look at Palm Sunday without seeing Good Friday looming.

And while I know it was all necessary for His plan, it is still sometimes too much to believe that someone would go through all of that for me. I know that may sound a little egotistical. But unless I acknowledge that He suffered for my sins, there is no attonement for them. And it is hard, sometimes, to feel worthy of that sacrifice.

Of course, I know that I wasn't wothy of what He went through before He went through it. That is why it is called Grace. It is a gift given that I could never have earned or merited. But what I have trouble feeling, on the level that I should, is the value that He has given me.

Sorry to sneak in a little sermon there.

Anyways, enjoy spring everyone.

My finest hour

Expanding on something contagion said in the comments of the last post:

My wife keeps telling me I'm special... but I don't think she means it in a good kind of way.

At one friend’s apartment one evening for game night (I think we were playing Taboo) when another friend, in a comeback to something someone said, made the statement, “That doesn’t matter, because I’m special.”

My response was, “Yeah, but we don’t make you wear the white helmet anymore.”

She eventually forgave me.

More new colors!

Wow. It looks like I'm not the only one trying out new colors.

The nearly totally unused surface of Buffalo Sabres' HSBC arena is getting a makeover for the Sabres' AHL affiliates the Rochester Americans to try out.

Blue is good...

(Hat tip: Rocket Jones)

NEW COLORS!

Let me know what you think.

Some Headlines gleaned from Yahoo.

Robot Finds Life in Desert, Mimicking Skills Needed on Mars
(Robot now searches for 'Stratego' and 'Monopoly')

Museum Spotlights Neglected Exhibits
(Equal Rights groups demand spotlights to shine more fairly.)

Serena Still Upset with Indian Wells Treatment
(It's a lot like an 'Indian arm burn' but involves a bucket.)

Baseball Gives Steroids Records to Congress
(Dashel is new 'Most Anabolic Injections' title holder.)

Galaxy Makes Order out of Chaos
(Asks for a cheeseburger, fries and milkshake.)

Yes, this idea for a post was stolen from the great and glorious IMAO. Long may Frank J. post!

Look Out! Zombies!

I make a point of not watching Zombie movies if I don't have to. (I have a very good imagination, and don't need help having nightmares, thank you.) But I do know that the way to fight them is with firepower and fire. (Salt works well in classic zombie literature, but that didn't come up in the quiz. Neither did the subject of Maltov Coctails, come to think of it...)

Anyways, that's not a picture of me below, but that is about how big the pile of brass would be before the undead finally got to me...

Check the extended entry to see how well I did.

(Hat tip to Curmudgeonly & Skeptical and Rocket Jones)

Official Survivor Congratulations! You scored 79%!

Whether through ferocity or quickness, you made it out. You made the right choice most of the time, but you probably screwed up somewhere. Nobody's perfect, at least you're alive.

Beware...

the Ides of March.

Pointless Trivia

By my calculations, I will be 1,000,000,000 (one billion) seconds old around 8:40P.M. on July 2nd of this year. (That's a little over 31 and a half years old.)

If you want to see how many seconds old you are right now, check out this site. But this only works for people over 5 years old. (Don't put in the '19' part of the year you were born in. e.g. '1973' get's put in as '73'. Otherwise you get a negative number.)

990+ million and going strong!

Announcement!

I finally got my pre-spring haircut. And boy, is that a load off my mind. (rimshot)

I’m gambling that it will stay warm enough from here on out to not need the extra layers of insulation on my head. Of course, I usually wear a hat anyways, so it’s not like I’m going to catch hypothermia or anything.

At four months or so since my last haircut, I figure that I lost a good 3 to 4 inches off the back. (No more pony-tail. Not that it was really long enough…)

Don’t worry, this isn’t one of the signs of the apocalypse like some of my family seems to think. I just got sick of trying to keep the hair out of my eyes.

Unfortunately, one thing did hold true. It seems that every time I get my hair cut lately, the amount of grey in it doubles. Oh well, it could be worse. At least my forehead is still the same size…

Rowr...

Shut up, stomach.

Anyone know where I can get some decent Chicken Parmesan?

Preferably in Western New York...

What's in your pocket?

Following a meme started over at Rocket Jones.

Left front: Some bills, mostly ones, change, receipts and cell phone.
Right front: Lots of change and a pocket knife.
Left back: Wallet (mostly stuffed with receipts.)
Right back: Comb and Swiss Army knife.

Update: I forgot, my keys are on a D-ring hooked to the beltloop on my left hip. And sometimes my Leatherman is on my belt on the right hip.

Scary thoughts...

Just one thought on seeing the preview for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, (a remake of the ’71 film Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.)

Is it just a coincidence that Johnny Depp, playing Willie Wonka, the eccentric chocolate maker who lures children into his fantasy world of a factory with promises of free candy, is made up to look a lot like Michael Jackson?

It’s kind of creeping me out…

Finally...

Well, at last I got around to putting up the Bad Example Family blogroll on my sidebar.

Of course that would never have even happened if Harvey hadn't done all the hard work for me.

I'm so lazy...

Ratio... ratio...

Let's see, according to a recent study, the length of a man's index finger in proportion to his ring finger shows his agressivness. That is, the shorter the index finger, the more agressive a guy is.

So let's see... hmmm, let me get out the tape measure... can't find it. Measure each hand against the other... average everything out...

And my index finger is...

SHORTER THAN THE RING FINGER!!!!! FEAR ME!!!!!

I AM AGRESSIVE!!!!!

Well, not that much shorter.

I'm glad to get that out of my system.

Tune in tomorrow for a truely great... well at least it should be a little funny... Precision Guided Humor Assignment.

What can I say? I'm a guy...

I've seen this around the internet in a few places, but I'm too lazy to try to figure out where...

But here's my brain:

Note to self...

I like CRAB cakes.

Not CLAM cakes!

Ptui! Ptui!

Just wondering...

Have you ever meant to microwave something for a minute and a half but entered 1:50 on the display and over-cooked the food?

Don't you just hate it when that happens?

I'm a Half-Elf?

Well, at least the shorter part is right...

A little survey I found via Castle Arggghhh!.

What D&D Character am I?

I Am A: Chaotic Good Half-Elf Ranger Druid


Alignment:
Chaotic Good characters are independent types with a strong belief in the value of goodness. They have little use for governments and other forces of order, and will generally do their own things, without heed to such groups.


Race:
Half-Elves are a cross between a human and an elf. They are smaller, like their elven ancestors, but have a much shorter lifespan. They are sometimes looked down upon as half-breeds, but this is rare. They have both the curious drive of humans and the patience of elves.


Primary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.


Secondary Class:
Druids are a special variety of Cleric who serves the Earth, and can call upon the power in the earth to accomplish their goals. They tend to be somewhat fanatical about defending natural settings.


Deity:
Solonor Thelandria is the Chaotic Good elven god of archery and the hunt. He is also known as the Keen Eye, the Great Archer, and the Forest Hunter. His followers respect nature, and only hunt when needed, but are quick to defend the forest from intruders. Their favorite weapon is the bow, and they tend to be extremely talented with it. Solonor Thelandria's symbol is an arrow with green fletchings.


Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)

Bwahahaha! Fire!

Found some good stress relievers over here.

(Found as a result of following Harvey's hampster-microwave link in his Totally True Tidbits About Nuclear Power post at IMAO.)

Ooh. Not good.

Just spent 2 minutes, 16 seconds laughing maniacally to a recording of "Hall of the Mountain King" from Peer Gynt Suite No. 1 Op. 46 (1876).

I like classical music.

It makes me happy... so very happy.

(I think I may need to add a pbpbpbty category soon...)

Pbpbpbpbty!

(Sanity Update)

I found the 3 of diamonds this morning!

Of course, since I lost two of the spades that I had already found, that means that I'm... (counts fingers) umm... (takes off shoes and socks) er... a lot of cards away from playing with that full deck everyone tells me about.

Oh well. If ignorance is bliss, insanity must be some other word starting with a "b". But I haven't broken the code yet..

(Let's see, if "i" is "b", then the "gn" is "l", and the "ora" is "i", and the "ance" is "ss". Then that means... nope it still doesn't work.)

Zen thought for the Day

When in doubt, always save your game.

Wow.

I just had a teen-age girl come into the store to buy a Sunday paper. The one with all of the adds. Well, she dropped it all over the floor, right in front of a couple of other customers.

I've never seen someone blush so much! Her face, from just abover her eyebrows to a line even with her mouth turned the reddest I have ever seen. We're talking 3rd degree sunburn red here! It was so bad that her upper lip swelled up from all of the extra blood.

It was like someone had slapped a mask on her in the couple of seconds it took for the blush to set in. Now I can see how someone can die of embarrasment. If her bloodpressure was too high, her head would have exploded.

Wow... just wow.

Engineering answers to Zen Questions!

If a tree falls in the forest, and there is no one to hear it, does it make a sound?

Answer: Of course.

In order for there to be a tree and a forest in the first place, there has to be an atmosphere of some sort. At least with a significant percentage of Carbon Dioxide, Nitrogen and Oxygen; the first two being necessary for the tree’s growth, and the second as a natural byproduct.

And any object moving through an atmosphere, (or any gas for that matter) will cause turbulence in said atmosphere. This turbulence is, or will cause pressure waves in the atmosphere. And since sound is nothing more than pressure waves, the tree therefore made a sound.

Simple.

Next time: A study into the sound of one hand clapping. (It’s kind of a soft whhhiisssshh sound. And I’ll tell you why.)

How my mind works... sometimes

(Or how the last MISSION: IMPLAUSIBLE! came to be.)

Usually when I write up a long post/humorous story, I sort of sketch the story out in my mind just a little ahead of my actual typing. That can give a nice stream of concious sort of story.

Sometimes however, if I haven't waited too close to the deadline to start, I actually type out or verbally sketch what I want to do with the story. This is what I did for the Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn's Contract post.

Just for kicks, I copied and pasted this outline into the extended entry below. Enjoy!

Evil Glenn Contract Outline

Not what the government contracted evil glenn to do. What the government contracted from evil glenn.

Meglomania?

Penguin Lust?

Financial Irresponsibility?

An aversion to light?

The desire to wear opera capes?

The Robot? Check!

Mission Implausible? why not.

Exploding message… How? Out of retirement… exploding cell phone? E-mail? Fortune cookie…again? Radio program interruption?

Winsconsin accent? Don-cha-know. Go packers!

…

Go to Washington and break into the national archive computers. Avoid all of the strangely moving government employees. Find nothing in computer records about contract. Only mention of Evil Glenn a congressional hearing about “The Glenn Reynolds Issue”

Sneak past homeland security?

Get into Capitol Building and watch hearing before the joint session (look up) Watch as congressmen and senators stand up and jerkily testify.

Realize that they are doing THE ROBOT! The hearing is not about what they have contracted Evil Glenn to do, but what they have contracted FROM Evil Glenn.

Flee in horror!

Zen thought for the day...

Don't eat the yellow snow.

Carnival!

The Carnival of the Recipes is up over at Rocket Jones!

My entry is down in the main course section.

Enjoy all the recipes. And try not to drool too much on your keyoard!

A little question for my readers...

While brushing my teeth this evening, I just notice my first grey hair... in one of my eyebrows. I now have grey (Actually, it's more of a silver color. But that sounds so pretentious) on the top of my head, in my mustache and beard (goatee) and now my eyebrows.

I’m thirty-one, and I sort-of look like Zed, from Day by Day©. Only a bit shorter, and a bit rounder. (I’m slowly working on the rounder part, but alas, I’m stuck with the shorter part.) But same general head/hair style and outlook on life. (Yet not quite as technologically inept…)

So, the question for everyone is:

How long before I get ear hair? How old were you when you found your first grey hair?

(And for the TMI files, I also have a few grey nose-hairs. :-D)

(And I don’t know why I spell gray “grey”. It just looks better that way to me. Besides, it’s the correct spelling in England.)

Sanity Update...

Apparently I had something wrong.

There are actually 52 cards in a full deck.

As I don't quite have all of the one suit yet (spades), and none of the other suits, I'm afraid that I am a lot further from playing with a full deck than I thought.

But with good fortune and hard work, I plan on playing with at least half a deck by the end of spring August this year 2010.

That is all!

(Anyone know how to type out the pbpbpbty sound you make when you wiggle your finger up and down across your lips? Or does "pbpbpbty" work? Thanks! ;-P)

Mmmmmmmmmmm.......

What follows is not necessarily a recipe. It’s more like a concept for a meal. However, IT IS MY FAVORITE MEAL!

Again, this is not a proper recipe. This is sort of what a bachelor would consider a recipe. At least one not afraid of experimenting a little bit… and not afraid of eating a couple of burnt meals…

French Onion Chicken

Ingredients:
Noodles (spaghetti noodles will do just fine if you don’t have kluski)
Two breaded chicken fillets
French Onion soup (canned stock preferably, but frozen works too)
Grated Mozzarella Cheese (lots of cheese… drool)

First, cook up one serving of noodles. One full serving should do. If you have kluski (sort of thick Polish spaghetti), that seems to work best. But if not, regular spaghetti is just fine.

While the noodles are cooking, cook two breaded chicken breast fillets. I prefer pre-cooked, pre-breaded chicken, but that’s because I’m lazy.

At the same time prepare the French Onion Soup. I have no idea how to make this. I just use canned or frozen soup. (The frozen is best for the one bowl method I’ll talk about later.)

Once all of the food has been cooked, take a large, deep plate/small platter and place the noodles on it.

Then place the two cooked chicken fillets on the noodles. (Up to this point it’s a lot like Chicken Parmesan. So if you have a good recipe for that dish, you can use it up to this step.)

Next, smother the whole dish with French Onion Soup stock.

Then cover the whole thing with the mozzarella cheese.

Place in the oven and bake until the cheese starts to turn a golden brown. (I usually set the oven at 400deg, but I don’t know if that’s the best temp. All you are really trying to do is melt the cheese.)

Take out of the oven and eat. Be careful! The plate will be hot!

This second recipe is the way I make French Onion Chicken at work. This only works with the pre-made, frozen French Onion Soup. It comes frozen as a cup shape, with the bread and cheese all ready on it/in it. I can’t remember what the brand of the soup is, and I threw the empty box out yesterday so I can't just go look, but you get four frozen cylinders of soup in a box for about $6.50 at Sam’s Club. They are the perfect size for a large coffee mug.

French Onion Chicken One dish method (Without noodles)

Ingredients:
One frozen, pre-made French Onion Soup
Two chicken patties, breaded (I prefer Tyson’s®)
One stick of string cheese (Polly-O® is good. I usually have Frigo® String Cheese)

First, get out a large cereal bowl. (Must be microwave safe!)

Unwrap frozen French Onion Soup and place in center of bowl. Stand the two chicken patties on end on opposite sides of the soup. Place in microwave on top of a napkin. (Sometimes the soup can seep up the chicken patty and over the edge of the bowl. Just a little, but it gets messy to clean.)

Microwave for 8 minutes

Use a fork to stir the still frozen section of the soup into the rest of the dish, and push the chicken patties the rest of the way under the soup. Tear the string cheese into strips and lay on top of everything.

Microwave for another minute and thirty seconds.

Careful taking it out of the microwave. The bowl will be very hot. (I keep repeating the message because I’ve burnt myself several times, and I thought I should prevent that sort of thing for others. Plus, this way I can’t be sued like McDonalds.)

It's something...

Well, my hitmeter hasn't gone up too appreciably, but I'm having to de-spam three or four times a week.

I guess that shows some progress...

Sanity Update…

For those of you wondering about my mental state, let me check…

*eyelids close, and REM commences*

Well, I seem to be about half a quart low on caffeine. But otherwise pretty good.

I even found the nine of spades this morning! Just three more cards to go, and I’ll be playing with a full deck again.

(Still can’t find all of those marbles though…)

Has anyone found any marbles?

I think that I may have lost mine. I keep looking everywhere, but I just can’t find them. I was pretty sure I knew where they were, but when I checked, they weren’t there. I could have sworn they were sitting over there on the counter…

If anyone has any information on their whereabouts, please let me know. I can’t promise a reward; they weren’t very valuable in the first place. And they really weren’t very good when I had them. But I miss the nice little bag that I kept them in…

On the plus side, I do have a pretty good voice. So the Sinking Sanity Song is getting pretty good.

My Sinking Sanity Song
(Sung to It’s Now Or Never (Elvis style) at the top of my lungs when there are no customers in the store.)

Oh So La Mio,
I wonder why?
I go so crazy,
Most every night.

It’s be-ca-use,
My sanity’s gone.
Every night,
From dusk ‘til dawn.

Happy President's Day

I know that it is officially the celebration of Washington’s Birthday, but since they don’t let us celebrate Lincoln’s or Reagan’s birthdays as national holidays, I’ll lump them all together.

That’s right. I feel that President’s Day should be specifically expanded to include Ronald Reagan as well. Is it just a coincidence that three of the greatest Presidents were all born in February?

I don’t think so.

Let’s see, a quick check to see when “W” was born…

Oh well, his birthday is July 6th. So I guess we can't combine it with the others. (Gee, I wonder what holiday we could combine that with…)

At least Clinton’s August birthday is too far away from any real holidays. Except maybe Labor Day. Which might be appropriate if you think about it. All he seemed to do for his presidency was lie around (or is that lay around) and goof off.

Trivia Question!

Who won the first Daytona 500? And when was the first race held?

What are you looking here for? If I knew the answer, would I be asking you?

Oh, all right. I looked it up for you. (Lazy bunch of freeloading...)

It was Lee Petty in 1959. And he was driving an Oldsmobile. What do you think of that!?

I'm Bored.

Bored. Bored. Bored.

But too tired to go out and do anything.

I was thinking of making a FAQ for here, but no one has ever really asked me anything.

Anyone out there have any questions for me?

If not, I’ll have to do a MU-FAQ. (That’s Made Up Frequently Asked Questions)

And I don’t think you want to see that.

And this didn't help.

Yeah, totally cancelling the hockey season for the year hasn't helped my mood, either.

Which reminds me, what has 20 teeth and skates?

An NHL team.

And there was that t-shirt my brother liked to wear back in college with this saying on the back:

Be a blood donor!
Play Hockey!

Happy Valentine's Day...

I’d like to sum up my Valentine’s Day for everybody.

Someone Else's Star (Skip Ewing, Jim Weatherly)

Alone again tonight
Without someone to love
The stars are shining bright
So one more wish goes up
Oh, I wish I may
And I wish with all my might
For the love I'm dreaming of
And missing in my life
You'd think that I could find
A true love of my own
It happens all the time
To people that I know
Their wishes all come true
So I've got to believe
There's still someone out there who
Is meant for only me

Chorus:
I guess I must be wishin'
On someone else's star
It seems like someone else
Keeps gettin' what I'm wishin' for
Why can't I be as lucky as those other people are
I guess I must be wishin'
On someone else's star

I sit here in the dark
And stare up at the sky
But I can't give my heart
One good reason why
Everywhere I look
It's lovers that I see
Seems like everyone's in love
With everyone but me

(Chorus)

Why can't I be as lucky
As those other people are
Oh I guess I must be wishin'
On someone else's star

Professionals

I am a Pro-Crastinator. I gave up my amateur standing a long time ago. Back when I was an amateur crastinator, I would put things off for a few days at a time, eventually getting around to doing them. But I realized that I had reached professional status when I found myself making up things to do, just to not do them. I have even found myself getting some things done early so that I will have more time to put off what needed to be done. I have real dedication to the art.

However, when it comes to complaining, I have to admit that I am strictly a novice. While I can complain all day about things going wrong, I still retain the ability to put things in perspective. For example, while I may complain that the continuous overcast night skies have prevented me from catching a glimpse of Comet Machholz, I don’t complain about the temperature on clear nights. It’s still only February, so when the night sky is cloudless, the mercury is going south. That’s a fact of life. (Or thermodynamics, as the case may be…)

It’s the true grouch who can complain about anything. You know who I’m talking about. That first class, belly-aching, professional, complainer. And even better, they’re usually the people who try to blame you for whatever is bothering them. Just this morning, I had a rather nicely dressed elderly (she would probably scream at the use of the word “elderly”) woman stop into my family’s store for the PennySaver©.

Aside:
A little background on the PennySaver©. The PennySaver© is sort of like a small town paper. Except that there is no news at all, just front-to-back ads and coupons. And a small want-ads section. So actually, it’s more like the advertising section of the regular paper. On the plus side, it’s free.

It has an official delivery time of 6PM Sunday evening, but usually gets dropped off Saturday night. But if the delivery guy has trouble, it’s not unusual to not get it till around noon on Sunday. It also has FREE home delivery to everyone who wants it. All you have to have is one of those little plastic PennySaver© tubes next to your mailbox.
/aside

Well, unfortunately for this lady, the latest edition hadn’t gotten to the store yet. Last weeks issue was still sitting on the rack, and somehow this was all my fault. She complained for what seemed like ten minutes (but was probably only about five) about how I should do more to make sure that the PennySaver© was there on time.

My only thoughts were that she was giving me an awful lot of credit for causing problems with a Free paper that I don’t deliver, don’t get paid to hand out, that could be delivered to her home, and that I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER. And it’s FREE! Did I mention that? The other customer in the store was apparently telepathic; right after the lady walked out the door, he commented, “Or, she could just put a tube up at home and get it delivered.”

Some people just can’t put anything in perspective.

That reminds me of an old joke:

There was a man who had two sons. The older son was an eternal optimist. To his father’s annoyance, he always seemed to find the bright side of everything. The younger son was an incorrigible pessimist. No matter what happened, he always found something to complain about.

One day, the man decided to do something about his son’s. He was going to cure them if it killed him. For the first son, he bought a ton of horse manure, and had it delivered to the son’s bedroom. For the second son, he purchased the finest Rolex watch ever made.

When the two sons got home, he presented the two “gifts.” The first son was overjoyed and dove right into the bedroom full of horse manure. The second son immediately started complaining about the gift.

The father asked him what was wrong with the watch, and the son went on and on about how his insurance would go up, and that now he wasn’t safe going into the city, and how now he had to learn how to use all of the watch’s many functions, and that he was worried that it might get dirty.

The father hung his head in disgust, he hadn’t changed anything with that son. Then he called in to the first son, who was busy digging through the manure. “What do you have to be so happy about? Your room is filled with manure.”

To which the son replied, “With all of this manure, there has to be a pony in here somewhere!”

See, it’s all a matter of perspective.

We interupt your regularlty scheduled blog...

I was driving along the other day, when I heard the latest OnStar(bucks) commercial.

_______________________________________________________

Announcer: Hello coffee drinking public!

We here at OnStar(bucks) are always dedicated to improving the service of coffee to our customers. One of the things this means, is that we are always looking for ways of making the coffee purchase experience easier for you.

Well that doesn’t sound too bad…

Now, what is the most annoying part of buying coffee at our drive-through windows?

The three dollars you charge for a small… I mean tall… coffee!

That’s right! Having to dig through your pockets to find the correct change!

Not even close…

Well, we’ve come up with a plan to help eliminate that problem! With our new OnStar(bucks) E-Z-Pass Coffee System!!!!

Wow. I could actually hear all four exclamation points.

With the E-Z-Pass Coffee System, we use an E-Z-Pass Coffee Sensor attached to the roof of your car to automatically deduct the cost of your coffee purchase directly from a pre-paid account.

I guess that doesn’t sound too bad… but I’d hate to have to pre-pay for my coffee.

Fifteenpercentservicefeeonallaccountsinactiveformorethanfortyeighthours.
Minimumaccountballanceoffiftydollars.OnStar(bucks)notresposibleforanyac
countingmistakesorerrorsmadeatdrivethrough.EZPassCoffeeSensorinstalla
tioncostoffortynineninetyfivebilledattimeofinstallation.OnStar(bucks)reserv
estherighttodiscontinuethisprogramatanytime.OnStar(bucks)isnotresponsib
leforthecancelationofanyvehiclewarrantiesduetotheinstallationoftheEZPass
CoffeeSensor.UponcancellationoftheprogramallEZPassCoffeeSensorsmust
bereturnedtoOnStar(bucks).RemovalcostoffortyninenietyfivefortheEZPass
CoffeeSensorwillbedeductedfromtheremainderoftheEZPassCoffeeSystema
ccount.ApenaltyoffiftydollarsappliestoalllostEZPassCoffeeSensors.

Wow, that’s some pretty nasty small print…

Evil Glenn's Madness is Spreading!!!!

Photographic evidence has shown that Evil Glenn's penchant for blending puppies has spread to the East. They've even started blending in China!

Here we see a large dog being stuffed into an industrial blender for the mass production of puppy shakes. Where will the madness turn up next?

UPDATE: Actually, now that I think about it, canines have long been on the menu in the Orient. But they've never used blenders before!

I made the finalist.... list.

Wow, enough people liked my caption for a picture over at Castle Argghhh! that I made the final cut.

I only have a caption for the first contest (the bulldozer one), but go vote for it! I'm not sure if I can tell you which caption is mine... that might be "private" information...

Anyways, go win me a coffee mug!

Ummm...

Er...

Uh...

Nope.

Never mind.

I thought I had something to say.

But I was wrong.

Just a thought...

You know what, I'm starting to think that it's a good thing that the NHL isn't going to happen this year. 'Cause if Boston/New England get's one more national championship this year.... I might just have to do something... drastic.

So let's all root against the Celtics!!!!!

Although, on second thought, if this is the price we have to pay for someone else from New England (*cough*Kerry*cough*) to loose this last year... it's worth it.

Quote of the day!

From a minor character in the novel "War of the Flowers" by Tad Williams, that I have been reading.

(A paraphrase of the actuall quote...)

"He's so thick that he can't count to eleven without unbuttoning his pants."

Some thoughts on Super Bowl XXXIX

It was a pretty good game, even though the Patriots won. Nice to see another game go to the final minute.

There were some great commercials. The best one that comes to mind was the Ameriquest one with the man making spaghetti who ends up looking like he’s eviscerating the cat. That one got a lot of laughs with the group I was watching the game with.

I have to say that the halftime show was one of the best I’ve seen in a long time. I actually liked the music this year. I haven’t seen any actual numbers, but I wouldn’t be surprised if this years show has the best ratings out of the last 5 to 10 years. Not only is Paul McCartney a great performer, but the song selection was awesome. You have to admit that “Live And Let Die” is a great song for a football game.

The single best comment heard during the whole evening was from one of the younger guys there. When Paul McCartney started singing “Hey Jude”, he made the comment “This is so copy-cat. He stole this from the Beatles!”

I’m a little ashamed to say that I kind of lost it and yelled at him, “HE IS THE BEATLES! Or at least half of the ones still alive!”

GAH! These kids these days!

Anyways, got to watch American Dad now.

Or maybe not...

UPDATE: Someone reminded me what the best commercial during the Super Bowl really was...

THANK YOU

The Extra-Special Theory of Relativity

Einstein, that wonderful genius who was so smart that he was allowed to break the “i before e” rule twice in his own name (and several hairstyle laws), has been accredited with having an Extra-Special Theory of Relativity.

Einstein’s Theory of Special Relativity, is a clarification of Einstein’s original Theory of Relativity. The Theory of Relativity is the one that gives us the earth shattering:

E=m c^2

Where E is energy, m is mass, and c is the speed of light in a vacuum. This is the basis for all nuclear physics. And is the only way we know how much bang we’ll get from a nuclear bomb.

This theory also states that all motion is relative to the observer of a system. Namely, two different observers looking at the same system, can see different amounts of motion.

The Theory of Special Relativity, explains that the speed of light (the “c” in the really cool equation above and approx. 299,798,458m/s) is the absolute upper limit for motion of anything; that no matter what the system or location of the observer, nothing will ever appear to be moving faster than the speed of light. It also states that no matter what the system or location of the observer, light will always travel at the same speed (the afore to mentioned 299,798,458m/s).

Trust me. This is how it works. For a much more complete explanation, check out this site. (Warning: Math Alert!)

Anywho… what I was getting to, was Einstein’s Extra-Special Theory of Relativity. This one is attributed to Einstein’s later years. And runs something like this:

“The more famous you become, the more relatives you appear to have.” – Albert Einstein

This also has the caveat: “The more money you have, the more relatives you appear to have.”

Unfortunately for myself, at the moment I only have a lot of potential relatives…

Schrödinger’s Lottery Ticket

Way back at the beginning of modern quantum physics, the German physicist, Schrödinger came up with an analogy to demonstrate the necessity of observation to collapse a probability wave function. For example, that light is potentially either a wave or a particle, and only becomes one or the other when you test for either of the properties. But until you test for it, it is potentially either one.

The analogy that Schrödinger used was that if you have a cat locked in a box with a poison gas canister that could go off at any time,* (but at a totally unpredictable probability for the time frame involved) so that you couldn’t tell if the cat was alive or dead until you opened the box; then theoretically, the cat would be both alive and dead until you actually opened the box to observe it.** For a more complete explanation, check out this site. (But careful when you open the bag, if you do it wrong, you’ll be responsible for the death of a fictitious cat.)

Anyways, I would like to extend this theory from the useless world of quantum physics, to the more important field of high finance. Namely, to my collection of high-payout Instant Lotto tickets. I have one that has a grand prize of $2,000,000 (two million dollars)! So, by using Schrödinger’s Cat Theory, I am potentially a millionaire. Until I actually scratch off the ticket, there is no way to know if I am rich, or I wasted $10. And since I can buy many of these tickets, I am potentially a multi-millionaire.

So the question I would like to put out there is; are there any potentially beautiful women*** out there that would like to date a potential multi-millionaire?

* If we were talking about Evil Glenn, the cat would be a puppy, the box would be a blender, and the timer would be a large button that Evil Glenn would be pressing constantly. Which is why we don’t use his ideas to explain quantum physics.

** What actually happens is you get a really annoyed cat that claws your face half the time you open the box, and a lawsuit from P.E.T.A the rest of the time.

*** Remember, all women are potentially beautiful until you take them out of the box.

YAY!!!!

Right Wing Duck has some really good news. Go over and give him a pat on the back.

That was a fast couple of days...

So, did the President see his shadow yesterday? I'm just asking because I was too busy to look myself.

From what I understand, if the President sees his shadow, that means 6 more weeks of Liberals sniping at all of his policies. If he doesn't see his shadow, then the Liberals will all resign early...

*SLAP* Bad Subconscious

I was shopping in Sam’s club earlier today, and as I was walking down the book aisle, my eye was caught by a series of “Total Immersion” language programs on CD and CD-ROM.

After looking them over for a few seconds, pondering the uses of learning a second or third language, I decided the only one I was even remotely interested in learning was German. (I had several years of Spanish classes in high school, and about all I remember is how to ask for the bathroom. Still, that’s a pretty important thing to know…)

A little later, the thought crossed my mind that, subconsciously, I might have been thinking about this story in relation to visiting Germany…

*Hat Tip* John, of Castle Argghhh!

Ooof.

Very long day at work.

Many achy joints.

Very sore feet.

Dinner stayed down, though.

I'll take whatever I can get.

Nothing to post today...

So I won't be posting anything today.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
D'oh!

Oooogh Urgle Oooooh*

Just spent a little time on my knees at the porcelain throne.

And while I feel much better now, I do have a couple of thoughts.

One. I hope that this was the result of something I ate, and not the beginning of the flu.

Two. I really need to chew my food better.

* That’s just an approximation of the sound. Sometimes the written word is inadequate.

That is all. (At least I reeeeaaaaalllly hope so.) :-P

Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn's Weather Machine

The newest rumor running around the Blogsphere is that Evil Glenn has perfected a weather machine. The question then arises; what will Evil Glenn use a weather machine for?

I think that in light of recent weather patterns, the real question should be; how has Evil Glenn been using the weather machine? The recent series of winter storms that slammed the East can be explained by this phone conversation between Evil Glenn and his Insta-Wife that I *cough* happened to find…

FBI Wiretap: #750278932-94621

Evil Glenn: Hello?

Insta-Wife: Hi, Honey.

Evil Glenn: I thought I asked you to not call me at work. It makes me look bad in front of the other lawyers.

Insta-Wife: Evil blood sucking fiends.

Evil Glenn: Whatever.

Insta-Wife: Well, it’s important!

E G: *Sigh* What do you need?

I-W: I’ve been working on the plans for our family vacation. And I wanted to go skiing, so I need your help picking out a ski resort.

E G: Awww. I can’t go skiing. All of the resorts are way up in the North, and I can’t stay away from my computer that long.

I-W: What about using your laptop?

E G: It doesn’t work right ever since that drunken money-freak came over to the castle last week and threw up on it. Now it smells like beer soaked cheese.

I-W: Well I want to go skiing!

E G: How about if we do something closer to home?

I-W: Skiing!

E G: There’s a new bowling alley opening up…

I-W: SKIING!!!!

E G: Ok, ok. What if we could ski near home? Would that be all right?

I-W: I guess so… but it never snows near us.

E G: Let me get back to you. I think I have something here in the office that might work…

There you have it! All of the recent winter storms and snowfall across the South-East are the result of Evil Glenn’s work! Just so he can go skiing and not have to leave his precious computer.

Blimey!

I just realized that I never put Castle Argghhh! on my blogroll. That has now been corrected.

That should help the Castle keep it's standing as a Mortal Human.

Caption Contest...

Over at Castle Argghhh!. Well, actually, the caption part of the contest is over. But the voting has just begun!

Stop on in and vote for your favorite caption. But only once! This isn't the DU. (Yeah, I stole that statement from John.)

The rest of the site is a good read too.

Bleh.

I don't feel like posting today. But you might see me around in other's comment sections.

Chinese Take-Out

Yep. I ordered Chinese food for lunch today. And you know what that means!

TODAY'S MOMENT OF ZEN

It was a double fortune cookie meal (I guess that he didn't count when he put them in the bag) so here they are:

You'll never know what you can do until you try.
Lucky Numbers 27, 28, 32, 34, 38, 43

Your path is arduous but will be amply rewarding.
Lucky Numbers 7, 10, 14, 24, 28, 35

Oh, and the backs had Learn Chinses lessons.

July: Qi-yue

Friend: Peng-you

(I don't know what a peng is. But if someone does it to you, then they must be a friend, I guess.)

(That is all)

Winter Haiku

Why does the snow fall?
It's because of gravity.
Oh, sorry I asked.

Brrrrrrrrrrr

Man it was cold out last night. When I left work (around 11) the thermometer read -3 deg F. This morning it's warmed upt all the way to 1 deg F.

Heat Wave!

Of course, now we have a winter storm on it's way in...

A new motto to live by!

Do it right the frist first time!

Doh!

Filthy Lie: What Evil Glenn Stole

At last! I’ve done it. I worked all week trying to find out what Evil Glenn was planning on stealing. And now, I finally have all of the clues.

It took hours of careful preparation and planning, a daring raid into Evil Glenn’s Fortress of Evil, and a not inconsiderable bribe to the custodian at the Library of Congress. But now I have all of the information that I need to predict what dastardly theft Evil Glenn is plotting.

Once I enter all of the clues into my state of the art, Batman style, Crime Computer, I have to merely wait and a printout will appear with all of Evil Glenn’s plans.

Hmm. The display is saying that this should take about half an hour. Just enough time to pop down to the store for some victory snacks!

*45 minutes later*

Well, I’m back. Let’s see what the Crime Computer has for…

It’s gone! My whole crime lab. All of my research. Everything. It’s all gone.

Wait. There’s a single sheet of paper where the computer was sitting.

Crime Analysis

Subject: Glenn Reynolds (AKA: Evil Glenn, The Puppyblender, The Dark Overlord of the Blogsphere, Filthy-no-good-slimy-excuse-for-a *ahem* Lawyer)

Prediction: Glenn Reynolds will break into your house and steal your Crime Lab while you are at the store this afternoon.

…

OK. That. Was. Odd.

*Shudder* That means that Evil Glenn was right here. In my house.

That’s all for now folks.

Please excuse me while I do a little disinfecting around the place… now where did I put that flamethrower?

Defining Irony

Tripping on the "Warning - Slippery Surface" sign and falling down.

Double or nothing?

Has anyone else seen the advertising by H&R Block with their Double Your Refund promotion?

The only question I have, is if you owe the government money, and you win the Double Your Refund... do you owe the government twice as much?

It would only be fair, wouldn't it?

ME WANT!!!!!

Now I know what the first thing I'll buy if I win the lottery!

One of THESE!!

The Jeep Hurricane is the ultimate extention of the Jeep concept. This puppy can go anywhere!

And it has a ZERO turn radius. (Realplayer video)

(Super Hat Tip to Harvey!)

Update: My Dad just mentioned that it looked an awful lot like the Warthog from Halo. You know what? I think he's right. Probably a few Halo gamers on the development crew for the Hurricane.

Update 2: I didn't win the lottery last night, so no Hurricane in my immediate future.

Must not strangle customer...

Harvey over at Bad Example had a little post the other day about how much he hates it when his customers make the same old inane "Cold enough for you?" comments to him. And today, as the mercury barely crawled up to 5 deg F and people wanted us to wash their cars, I got a few of those comments myself.

My favorite of the day was a lady who said to me, as I was drying her car by hand in the bitter cold, "You must be crazy to be out here in this cold."

I was able to restrain the impulse to strangle or use the 'fist of death' on her and, somewhat civily to my surprise, merely said "Well, I have to be here because we have customers."

Instead of the preferred, "Well, as long people are crazy enough to wash their cars, I'll be stuck out here."

/rant

(That is all)

Argggggghhhhhhhhh!

I was just playing Merceneries: Playground of Destruction before work this morning, and just as I completed the first level (by capturing the Ace of Clubs) the Xbox froze up. I waited several minutes for the program to continue. But it never did.

When I rebooted the Xbox, all of my progress had been lost, and I was back to where I was before starting the mission. A mission which had taken me over half an hour to do.

(A little asside: I did this mission with style! There is nothing that says panache to me like stealing a T-56 tank and using it to blow everything up! But they are so hard to steal in the first place...)

Now the question is, what to do? And since I recently discovered the joys of polls:

And, no. I don't know why the big space appears above the poll.

Something learned watching TV

"Did you know 'embargo' backwards is 'O grab me?'" - Ryan Stiles

It's a poll!!!!!

Ewwwwwwwwwww!

This is why I don't eat salads.

Unless it is Parmesan Peppercorn dressing. In which case, I'll take my chances.

Evil Glenn for Attorney General?

Harvey, over at the Alliance of Free Bloggers, has posed an interesting question: Should Evil Glenn be the United States’ Attorney General, and why or why not?

After a great deal of soul searching (mine, not Glenn’s, for the simple fact that it’s not there) I must say that I have to say no.

I just cannot see asking someone to be one of the protectors of America’s Laws when that person does not obey all of the laws of nature.

Besides, Evil Glenn would never be able to handle the loss of influence that would occur when he left the blogsphere. Attorney General is a powerful position, but it is nothing compared to being the Dark Overlord of the Blogsphere.

INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!

(That is all)

Hmm...

Is it just me, or does the guy in this Cox&Forcum cartoon look a lot like a hippy?

Uh oh...

Harvey left the door unlocked again.

Comment Party at the sign of the BadExample!

Global Warming!

Oh no! We had a record high temperature in Buffalo for today! Global Warming!

Severe rain forecast tonight with FLOODING! Global Warming!

The temperature is going to drop 30(deg) over a two-hour period! Global Warming!

Temperatures below freezing for the next week! Global Warming!

Weather at normal winter temperatures for the month of January! Global Warming!

A Duck! Global Warming!

Eh, maybe I got a little off topic there…

You might want to move that spot...

This morning, while getting ready for work, I was listening to the radio.

And right after hearing the weather report, which was forcasting unseasonable and near record highs for the next two days, I heard a comercial for a window manufacturer who was talking about how this was supposed to be the coldest winter in decades, and that I should get their windows to help cut down on my heating costs.

Now if they were talking about cutting down on my air-conditioning costs, I might not have laughed so hard...

They really should have moved the radio spot to much later in the week, when an arctic cold front is supposed to put us into a deep freeze. I think that the ad's sentiments would be much better received then.

That is all.

Why Blog?

Because it's there.

Usually.

If I have time.

When I feel like it.

And have internet access.

Arghhhhhhhh!!!!! (And I don't mean the castle)

I read somewhere, that the intelligence level of any group or mob, can often be characterized as being the I.Q. of the dumbest, divided by the number of people.

And yet, you still have to deal with them on a one on one basis.

In the immortal words of Charlie Brown: "Augggggghhhhhhh!"

/rant

That is all.

Oh, so that's where he was...

I've found evidence of where Harvey was during his (uncharactaristic for him) recent blogging dry spell.

It looks like he celebrated the New Year over in Europe.

At first I thought it was Blackfive. The blood alcohol content suggested that. But the description of the man as looking really old, meant that it had to be a totally sloshed Harvey.

Got B.E.A.L.?

Yeah. Probably...

Who cares...

Priceless...

Just in case you're one of the two or three people who haven't seen this yet. Here is the Red Socks: Priceless commercial.

It's sort of work safe... mostly.

(Hat tips: Harvey and Blackfive)

Hungry?

Wow, the only one of these stories that had food in the title was the only one that didn't involve people biting something...

Belated Anniversary Wishes.

Well, I realize that I'm two days late with this, but since tonight is the celebratory dinner, it's not entirely my fault for not thinking of this sooner.

Anyways, Happy Anniversary! to my Mom and Dad. They were married 32 years ago on December the 27th, 1972.

The story is that Dad came home for Christmas break from Embry Riddle (sp?) in Daytona, FL where he was majoring in surfing and had a minor in Aeronautics. (He wanted to be a pilot.) He and my Mom had been dating since they were Juniors in high school (or somewhere around there) and were already engaged. Well, they decided that they had waited long enough, so when he left home to go back to school, he took her with him.

They got married in the first town they were both old enough to get married in. Which turned out to be in North Carolina. At the time, NY State law said that a man had to be 21 to get married without parental consent, and a woman had to be 18. So, even thought my Dad was 20, and my Mom was 19, she was old enough to marry, and he wasn't. Technically, I believe that she could have been charged with kidnapping...

As a kid, my favorite part of the whole story was my parents getting their marriage license. They went into an old courthouse in this little town in North Carolina, and asked if they could get a marriage license, and how long before they could be married. They expected it to take a day and that they would have to get separate rooms for the night. (People were still proper about things like waiting for the wedding back then. At least in my family…)

They were quite pleasantly surprised when the clerk told them that if the town’s doctor was still in his office, they could get the blood test done and be back to get married in a couple of hours. So they went over to the doctor’s place and discovered one of the oldest medical practitioners they had ever seen. Everything went fine when he drew blood from my Mom, but my Dad had a little adventure.

The doctor tied the rubber hose around his arm and stuck the needle in, just like you’re supposed to, but when he pulled back on the plunger, all he got was bubbles. My Dad normally has no problems with needles, and wasn’t bothered by this. But when the doctor said “Whoops.” And shoved the bubbles back in, he fainted. My mother said that the doctor just calmly found another vein and drew the blood before reviving my father. The doctor said something about it being easier now that my Dad wasn’t so tense…

And about two hours later, they were married in a little courthouse in a small town in North Carolina. Someday, I'll have to find the place...

So, that’s the story of my parents eloping a little over 32 years ago. And they’re still going strong!

A little interesting side note, 5 months later, when they came home over Easter, they were re-married in a church wedding. Since by then, I was all ready on the way*, I used to use this fact to confuse people. Especially my young cousins. I would tell them that both my parents had re-married (everyone always assume, to someone else) and that I was then raised by my step-parents. That I was the son of my Dad’s first wife, and my Mom’s first husband. (It's confusing, but does make a sort of twisted sense.)

And fortunately for my Dad, Mom never insisted on celebrating both anniversaries. In fact, I don’t even think either one could tell you what the date was for the second one without a lot of thinking. I know I can’t. Although, now that I think about it, this could be considered their 63rd anniversary…

*And yes, everyone was counting the months when I was born (right about 10 months after they were married) to see if my parents had to get married. They didn’t. Because, people were still proper about things like waiting for the wedding back then. At least in my family.

The Life Aquatic

Last night, after all of the other family obligations were done, my two blogless brothers and I went out to see a movie together. And since middle brother insisted, we caught Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. (Rated R)

It was very funny in parts, but would be best described as a dark comedy. While not my favorite movie of the year, I will say that it was worth the price of admission.

Just to give you an idea about how much my brother (who is a marine biologist, by the way) wanted to see the movie, here is a camera-phone picture of him in the theater lobby.

Notice the red cap and blue shirt. And even though I didn't dare ask, I assumed he was wearing a speedo under all of that. (Watch the movie, you'll get it.)

'Tis the night before Christmas

'Twas the Night Before Christmas
or Account of a Visit from St. Nicholas
by
Major Henry Livingston Jr. (1748-1828)
(previously believed to be by Clement Clarke Moore)

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN!
On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONDER and BLITZEN!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"

Thoughts on living as a bachelor

Just some random thoughts on what it’s like to live as a bachelor:

I can drink straight from the bottle. And I’m not talking about beer, but the big Pepsi two and three liter bottles. Saves all sorts of time from having to find a glass, clean said glass, and all of that annoying pouring. I can drink out of milk cartons as well. But a word of advice; only if it’s fresh from the store. If you don’t remember when you bought it, use a glass. This allows you to check for the beginnings of cheese.

The remote is mine, all mine! I decide what to watch, when to watch, and within reason (the landlords don’t have the greatest hearing) how loud to watch it. And since as I guy, I have been know to watch up to three programs at the same time, I don’t have to listen to anyone complain about the constant channel changes.

The seat stays up. If I need to sit down, then I put the seat down. Otherwise, the lid is in the up and ready position for whenever I need it. And that’s the way it will stay.

Flatulence is never a problem either. Not that it doesn’t happen. It’s just that with no one to complain about it aroma, volume and frequency are never an issue.

I toss and turn at night, so it’s probably a good thing that I’m not married. If I were, I’m sure my wife would be able to file spousal abuse charges based on the bruises from my random limb movements. Of course, being single means that the covers are all mine too. (Although I’m not sure if that is really a good trade off.)

The thermostat is where I want it. I don’t have anyone constantly complaining that it’s too hot (almost never) or cold (much more likely). If I’m cold, my standard solution is to just put a little more clothing on. And not because I’m too cheap to pay the heating bill, I just like it a little colder than most.

Well, that’s the list I usually go over whenever I have to convince myself that I’m not really that lonely.

Update: I forgot to mention my banjo. The advantages to being a bachelor banjo player should be pretty self explanitory. And yes, the banjo, more than anything else, may explain the continuation of my bachelor status.

Bombs away!

Since everybody else is doing it, here's the targeting picture of where I live too.

I work in the building just to the right of the house. Real long commute each day, I know. Athough, the business' building has changed quite a bit since this picture was taken. I'd say it's about 10 years old, at best.

Brrrrrrr.

It is cold out. Still. Last night the official low was around 1 deg F. but I saw a thermometer that read -3. The worst part of it is, it's sunny out. So you have all sorts of people going outside and driving around not realizing how cold it is.

My family's business includes a carwash, and this is one of those days when you have customers complaining that you froze their doors after getting a wash. Never mind that you told them that it could happen. They think that because the sky is blue and the sun is out, it must be warm enough. But in reality, the temperature never got above 7 deg F.

Stay warm, and Merry Christmas!

Let it snow some more...

It snowed quite a bit this evening. About 2 inches fell between 8PM and 11PM. And it was a nice sticky snow.

It was the kind of snow that makes for perfect snowballs. And perfect snowmen. I was so tempted while walking home from work (I just live on the other side of the parking lot) that I couldn't resist and stopped and made one. It stands about 5' tall (6' with the trafic cone hat) and is now standing right at the corner of the garage. I'll post the picture as soon as it comes from my cell phone.

Only problem with this kind of snow is that it sticks to everything it touches. And since the wind was blowing pretty good while it was falling, my satelite dish is liberally coated (darn liberals) and *sniff* that means no cartoons for me before bedtime.

Oh well, there's always the internet...

Update: Here's the picture (I guess I took it a too low a resolution...)

Let it snow, let it snow...

Well, it looks like winter is finally getting to the Greater Buffalo area. Lake effect snows have been drifting back and forth across the whole area since late Sunday night. I've only got a dusting here, but the temperatures are low enough that it's all sticking around.

I'm just glad I don't live in the southern suburbs any more. My folks do, and my father had to take the plow home from work tonight. I guess they got about 4 to 6 inches. :-/

I'm sure that it's just a matter of time before I get to do that around here for the family business too. (And that can probably be counted in days, not weeks...)

Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn on CBS

Rumor has it that Evil Glenn has been tapped to be the one to replace Dan Rather as the anchor on CBS News. Potentially, this has both many benefits and drawbacks.

Here’s a short list of Pro’s and Con’s as I see them.

(Pro) As the CBS News Anchor, Evil Glenn would have a much smaller audience, thus slowing the spread of his evil agenda.

(Con) By moving to a video media instead of just type, Evil Glenn may be able to directly control his followers with his hypnotic eyes.

(Pro) FCC regulations would prevent him from performing live hobo whacking on the air. Hopefully, this would cause him to cut back on total daily bludgeonings.

(Con) Unfortunately, FCC regulations would not prevent him from performing “The Robot” live on the air.

(Pro) No more “Ratherisms.”

(Con) Every News item would be followed by “Heh,” “Hmmm,” or “Indeed.”

But if we’re lucky, he just might read some of his poetry first…

Yowtch!

Experts at Guinness have announced that a man in India has set a new world
record for having the most cement blocks smashed on his groin.

The old record was none.

(Found on a joke newsgroup)

Christmas Carols

Everybody has one of these around this time of year. (At least everyone with a blog, that is.) A list of their favorite Christmas Carols.

I’m not going to do a full top ten list. I really have just a few real favorites, and the rest all kind of lump together.

The two I love the most are Do You Hear What I Hear? and Oh, Holy Night

I can sing those two over and over for hours by myself at work.

My favorite Christmas recording has to be the duet between Bing Crosby and David Bowie, singing Little Drummer Boy. I'm not entirely certain, but I believe that it is one of the last recordings that Bing ever made.

Sorry that I don’t have the ability to link to that recording, but in the extended entry, I do have the lyrics to the first two songs. Just in case you wanted to sing them to yourself…

Do You Hear What I hear?

Said the night wind to the little lamb,
do you see what I see
Way up in the sky, little lamb,
do you see what I see
A star, a star, dancing in the night
With a tail as big as a kite
With a tail as big as a kite

Said the little lamb to the shepherd boy,
do you hear what I hear
Ringing through the sky, shepherd boy,
do you hear what I hear
A song, a song, high above the trees
With a voice as big as the sea
With a voice as big as the sea

Said the shepherd boy to the mighty king,
do you know what I know
In your palace warm, mighty king,
do you know what I know
A Child, a Child shivers in the cold
Let us bring Him silver and gold
Let us bring Him silver and gold

Said the king to the people everywhere,
listen to what I say
Pray for peace, people everywhere!
listen to what I say
The Child, the Child, sleeping in the night
He will bring us goodness and light
He will bring us goodness and light

Oh Holy Night

Oh holy night!
The stars are brightly shining
It is the night of the dear Savior's birth!
Long lay the world in sin and error pining
Till he appear'd and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!

Fall on your knees
Oh hear the angel voices
Oh night divine
Oh night when Christ was born
Oh night divine
Oh night divine

Led by the light of Faith serenely beaming
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand
So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming
Here come the wise men from Orient land
The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger
In all our trials born to be our friend.

Truly He taught us to love one another
His law is love and His gospel is peace
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
And in His name all oppression shall cease
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name.

Words by Chappeau de Roquemaure
Translated by John S. Dwight

Grumble Grumble....

Grumble...work 3 hours early...grumble...no coffee yet...grumble...phone woke me up...grumble...at least we have internet at the store...

Battle Hymn of the Alliance

Well, since I'm not sure if I'll win the Alliance Anthem poll. I went and worked on the Battle Hymn of the Alliance. Hopefully this will be good enough not to cause another run off of some type. After all, even though the US has only one official anthem, there are plenty of other patriotic songs.

Battle Hymn of the Alliance

Mine eyes have seen the Bloggers and they’re coming after you.
They’ll trample all the liars and fakers when they’re through.
We’ve unleashed the fact checkers and a whole lot of truth.
The Alliance marches on!

Oh, my goodness are we Bloggers?
Can you believe that we are Bloggers?
Glory, glory we are Bloggers!
And the Alliance marches on!

We are challenging a monster that never seems to sleep.
We have stolen victory where once was but defeat.
The Big Media will tremble when we pound our keys.
And the Alliance marches on!

Oh, my goodness are we Bloggers?
Can you believe that we are Bloggers?
Glory, glory we are Bloggers!
And the Alliance marches on!

Blending up all the puppies, he drinks them down as shakes.
Chasing all the hobos, he beats them with a rake.
But Evil Glenn runs in terror when we chase him with wooden stakes.
And the Alliance marches on!

Oh, my goodness are we Bloggers?
Can you believe that we are Bloggers?
Glory, glory we are Bloggers!
And the Alliance marches on!

In a dimly lit apartment someone logs on for the day.
With no sense of poetry and even less to say.
But his words will echo round the world in the fastest way.
As the Alliance marches on!

Oh, my goodness are we Bloggers?
Can you believe that we are Bloggers?
Glory, glory we are Bloggers!
And the Alliance marches on!

Alliance Anthem Roundup

The roundup for the possible Alliance Anthems is up at Alliance HQ. Read through them all and then vote on the sidebar.

(I still like mine, but I think that I might have to vote for Rockynoggin's Ballad of the Alliance Bloggers)

...maybe I could do the Battle Hymn of the Alliance

I hate CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

I can’t stand it. Every time CSI comes on, I have to watch it. And it’s cutting into valuable Xbox time.

What were they thinking?

They left a freaking trail of donuts to the stolen truck! Even Hanz Blix could have found this.

I bet there were cops from other districts who were almost supernaturally drawn to the scene of the crime. I can just see two officers in a squad car, "Why are we turning here?" "I felt a disturbance in the Force. As if a great number of donuts suddenly cried out for help."

Men and women who type!

This week’s alliance assignment was to come up with a blog anthem for The Alliance to be set to the tune of a Blank Brothers Band song.

I couldn’t do it.

So instead, I cajoled some words around until I had set an anthem to the tune of Robin Hood: Men in Tights' song Men In Tights.

So here it is,

Men (and Women) Who Type

We're men, and women who type.
We roam around the blogsphere looking for fights.
We're men, and women who type.
We blog for the rich and to help the poor, that's right!
We may lie about Evil Glenn, but watch what you say or else he'll put out your lights!
We're men, and women who type,
Always on guard defending the blogsphere's rights.

[The Can-Can Chorus Line]

We're men, MANLY men, and women who type.
Yes!
We roam around the blogshpere looking for fights.
We're men, and women who type.
We mock the left and link to each other, that's right!
We may worship Frank J., but don't get him wrong or else he'll put out your lights.
We're men, and women who type
LIKE TO TYPE!
Always on guard defending the blogsphere's rights.
When you're in a fix just call for the men who type!

WE'RE BLOGGERS!

NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA

Guess what came in the mail today.

Give up?

I got my copy of Cox & Forkum's "Black & White World II" today!

Look upon my coolness and dispair!

Just a reminder...

DAY BY DAY returns tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

For those of you who can't find her in the dark...

Now introducing--- glow-in-the-dark thongs. (And we ain't talking about what we used to call flip-flops back in the day.)

You knew that it was only a matter of time...

Something found while surfing the old 'net

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

It's my Dad's birthday tomorrow. But we're having the celebration tonight. Dinner at a restaurant somewhere. (The restaurant is run by an old friend of his. But no one else in the family knows where it is.)

We all chipped in and bought him something nice and usefull for when he goes camping. I'd say what, but there is the off chance that he might read this before he gets it.

Oh, and just so I don't hear any sulking from Harvey, I only buy gifts for actual relatives. Blog relatives get cheesy links and posts as their presents.

Burp.

Good Thanksgiving Dinner.

Two turkeys, (one deep fried, one baked), two kinds of sweet potato, a three-bean caserole, two types of stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet corn, three forms of cranberry sauce and gravy to top everything off.

One word of caution when cooking a turkey in a turkey-fryer, put the turkey in very slowely. Doing it too quickly is how most of the grease fires are started.

Oh yeah, desserts! Jello-whip pies (my favorites) in cherry, raspberry and peach, apple pie, pumpkin pie and some kind of cake (I'm not sure what it was since I never made it that far. Probably cheese cake.)

And now that the Triptophan has had time to work it's way through my system...

'Night All!

Things seen and heard at Burger King™

I had lunch today at Burger King, as I often do. * The food was, as usual, adequate to my needs.** What was almost unbearable, (and I know no fault of the crew at the restaurant) was the VERY LOUD lady in line in front of me.

It’s one thing to think through your order, but come on, we don’t need to hear why you don’t like ketchup on your cheeseburger.*** And then, she raised her voice so grandpa, who was getting the drinks at the dispenser almost 10 whole feet away, would know why she didn’t like ice in her Coke.

Then, I (this was actually directed to me, although everyone in the restaurant could also hear) was treated to why she thinks that Sponge Bob Squarepants is a stupid cartoon. And how ugly it was and that it wasn’t as good as Scooby Do or any of the cartoons from when she was a child.****

Eventually, my food arrived, so I was able to find a seat (thankfully across the restaurant from this woman and her family). I was still able to follow her conversation whenever I wanted to. But mostly, I was able to loose myself in the book I had brought along.

On a more positive note, I did notice something extremely funny on the way out of the restaurant. On the door where you would normally see a “PUSH” sign, was this:

PUSH Or you can have it your way and PULL. But the door is very stubborn about things like that.

______________________________________________________

* I really like their Original Chicken Sandwiches, in fact, I practically lived on them in college.

** ie. deep fried.

*** Although I do have to say that I was amused when she ordered a cheeseburger with no condoms on it for her little daughter. And I didn’t mis-hear her, that’s what she said.

**** With most Nicktoon cartoons, I would have to agree with her. But in my opinion, Sponge Bob is one of the few cartoons that is reasonably well drawn. Besides, my Other Blogless Brother, who is a Marine Biologist got me slightly hooked on it, (He gets tickled by the thought of a kitchen sponge living at the bottom of the ocean.)

???????

I was just sitting here watching Mythbusters (cool show) when my cell phone started ringing. I answered, as I usually do, and got what sounded like a computerized recording saying hello back.

When I asked who it was, I heard "I'm Dr. Phil and I want you to have a gay relationship."

I said, "I don't know who this is but you're wasting my cell minutes." And hung up. Idiots.

?!?!?!?! They just called back, and I got a montage of Homer Simpson recordings. I don't know who it is, but I really regret not having caller ID right now.

It was Incredible!

I went and caught The Incredibles! this afternoon before work. And I have to say that I loved it.

Great characters, great story, great moral. All around... two thumbs up. In fact, I wish I could grow more arms so I could give it more thumbs up.

I know I'm a little late with this, but...

It's Vetran's Day. So hug a vetran today. Or as in my case, let one eat all of your corn chips...

Thanks Dad, Grandpa's (one still with us, one I never met) Uncle Rick, Great-Uncles Lou and Joe, and any others that I've forgotten. The world's a better place for what you've done.

Ever have one of those days?

I'm working on about my 400th consecutive one. At least that's what it feels like...

Too bad Halo 2 is so much fun. It keeps spoiling my mood.

Wow. HALO 2 ROCKS!

Played Halo 2 for about a total of 5-6 hours so far. Half of that single player and the other half on Xbox-Live. Both ways of playing are... extreme. The dual-wield (where you can fire guns from both hands) took a little getting used to, but was a really cool addition to the game. The Party option for multi-player is nice too. It lets you keep playing with the same group of guys instead of find new players each time the match is over.

The previews that I saw didn't really do the game justice. The maps are huge, and the detail of the levels is just awesome. I especially like the damagable scenery and vehicles. (Except that time when I had the flag, and right before I hopped into a Warthog [kind of like an atv on steroids] someone blew it up. Two seconds later, I was watching some red-team guy standing over my corpse...)

The cut scenes between the levels are done very well. With almost no difference between actual game-play graphics and movies. They didn't need any. I'll say this much to anyone playing it for the first time. You have to watch all of the cut scenes or you won't have a clue as to what's going on in the game. (You might not even understand who you are. (But that's the only little spoiler I'll say.) The cut scenes are informative, without taking up too much of the game. So they're a pleasure to watch. At least the first time.

Well, I'm at work right now typing this, so I can't play anymore for today. But if anyone sees GEB the IV on Xbox live after midnight tonight, say hello. Hey, you could even invite me into your clan. Or maybe just a party. I have to warn you that I'm only so-so at playing online though. :-)

TICK TICK TICK TICK

Just counting down the hours till Halo 2...

Blogging might be a little lighter for a while.

Ooh. New Red vs. Blue episode out. With more to come this week!

I know I owe everybody a roundup.

I did really appreciate everybody who linked some Bad Jokes for my Birthday. And I'm sorry that I haven't gotten around to doing the roundup for all of that.

It's on my to-do-list. Honestly.

Just a little BEAL right now about doing actuall work on the blog though. But don't worry, it'll happen eventually.

Really.

(And I know that I promised pictures from Halloween too. I'll get around to that too.)

Comment Party At Harvey's

Harvey, of Bad Example is on vacation. So while the blogfather is away, the blogchildren will play.

Come on over to the comment party.
(Warning: May contain adult subject matter. So far it's just innuendo, but you never know what someone might say.)

Yay!

I finally got my DVD player working right again. After going through all of the trouble shooting steps, and the automatic checks for up to date drivers, I just downloaded the whole driver set from Compaq. Then I ran the installation file, and...

IT WORKS!!!!!

Now I can watch my *Brand New* Shrek 2 DVD!

I've got a few other movies that I've been putting off watching on my TV-DVD setup (who wants to watch a movie in the living room when you can watch it in bed) too.

HAPPY DANCE!

Arafat in a coma!

I know that I'm probably a little behind in reporting that Yasser Arafat went into a coma last night, but I do have one piece of breaking news to add to the story.

Reports are coming in that right before slipping into the coma, Arafat was watching CNN and was heard to esclaim, "He was re-elected!?!?" *THUD*

Doctors are still not sure who the coment refered to, and if was part of the cause of the aging terrorist's going into his coma. (They're not very good doctors, but they work cheap.) Some close to Arafat think that the stress of watching the Red Sox finally win a World Series in the past weeks had been too much for the Palestinian leader to take, and his health was suffering from the let-down of emotion after the celebrations of their victory.

When asked if Arafat was really a Red Sox fan, his top aide replied, "Well, we assume so. He was always talking about how much he supported some guy from Boston. Who else could he be talking about?"

The Bills Win, Too!

Just got back from the Bills-Cardinals game. I only saw the end of the second quarter on, (last minute invite) but what I saw was great.

The whole team finally showed up for the same game at the same time. Even with the wind and the rain, Bledsoe threw for two touchdowns and didn't get sacked once. And Magahee was great. The Bills finally have a solid, punishing runner.

I do have to say that Mooreman, the punter, was probably the player of the game though. Even punting into the wind, (gusting to over 30 mph) he was able to get the team out of some really deep holes and give the defense room to work.

Now I just have to convince the guy who gave my dad the tickets to get into the suite that I'm a lucky charm for the team and should be there for all of the rest of the home games. I'm not holding my breath though. :-p

I won!

Just got back from the second Halloween party this weekend, and I won "Best Costume" for my rendition of Monty Python's King Arthur!

Pictures to follow when I get them from my parent's camera.

Also, pictures of Friday night's party when I get my camera from the person I asked to hold it.

Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn's Halloween

The Alliance wants to know: what is Evil Glenn is going to be doing for Halloween? I’ve got two words “time share.”

Tradition has it, that Halloween is the night when all of the imps and demons of the underworld are allowed to come to the surface and walk among us. Well, if that’s true, then someone has to mind the shop (so to speak) while they’re gone.

That’s where Evil Glenn comes in. Since he gets to spread his evil 364 days of the year, he takes Halloween off and watches the underworld for them.

It’s a win-win situation. The demons don’t have to worry about anything happening while they’re gone. And Evil Glenn gets to sip his puppy shakes in peace, while the screams of the tormented lull him to sleep.

_______________________________________________________________

And now that we know what Evil Glenn is doing for Halloween, It’s time to play “Guess what GEBIV’s costume will be!”

I’ll give you three quotes to give you a hint as to what I will be going to a couple of costume parties as.

“A duck.”

“No. Let’s not go there. ‘Tis a silly place.”

“What do you mean? African or European…”

Any guesses?

A funny thing happened on my way to the Eclipse…

Last night, I went out to my parent’s house to watch the eclipse from there. They live a little further away from the city, and a lot farther away from any shopping plazas, so the night sky viewing is a lot better there.

When I pulled into their driveway, I noticed a car parked across the street from them, but didn’t think anything of it. For whatever reason, there is a really good cell reception point right there and it’s not too unusual to see someone parked there talking on the phone.

The eclipse hadn’t started yet, so we were in the back yard playing with some Night-Vision binoculars that I picked up on e-bay recently, when we noticed a town police car pull up to the parked car. With it’s lights flashing. Again, we didn’t think too much about it…

Until we heard the shots, that is.

It turned out that the car was sitting on the side of the road because it had hit a deer. I guess the deer’s leg was broken because it was still there, and the police were called to put it down. The problem that the officer had was the deer was pretty small, (about the size of a collie) and he just couldn’t hit its head with the way it was flopping around.

Eventually, he was able to put it out of its misery, and by then, we had wandered around the front of the house to see what was going on. All in all, the officer had to use about 7 or 8 rounds to finally kill the deer.

We called a hunting neighbor of my folks to come and get the meat, and then, after talking to another neighbor who had come outside to see what was going on, we went back to watching the eclipse.

I’ll have some pictures of the eclipse whenever I get them from my Dad’s camera. If any one wants to see how it looked from Western New York. The sky cleared up just in time for totality, so the pictures came out really well.

Oh, and someone remind me to tell the mouse story sometime. (It’s a lot like the deer story, but with a happier ending.)

And Now, Another Word From Our Sponsor

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Operator: Hello, this is OnStar(bucks). How can I help you.

Aaron: Well, I’m out here driving. And I’m starting to feel a little sleepy. I just caught myself crossing the yellow line a few minutes ago.

Operator: Sir, that sounds pretty dangerous.

Aaron: Yeah I know. And talking on my cell phone isn’t helping any either. And you should see the traffic here on the Thruway. I thought that speeding would help keep me awake, but I keep nodding off.

Operator: …

Aaron: So can you help me?

Operator: Um… Sure. Our sensors show that you are coming up on exit 53. Just take that exit and make a left at the first light, and you should see a Starbucks on the next corner. We’ll have a double espresso waiting for you if, I mean when, you get there.

Aaron: Extra sugar please.

Announcer: OnStar(bucks), we’re there when you need that little extra pick-me-up. And just in case you get in an accident before you get to us… we don’t know you.

Announcer: OnStar(bucks) is not responsible for any traffic infractions that occur during conversations with our operators. Please use the OnStar(bucks) call center responsibly, and don’t drink anything but coffee and drive.

The Bills Still Stink

I just knew that I should have started Baltimore's defence against the Bills today. I went with my heart instead of my head on that call though.

No longer. From now on, my heart knows that the Bills stink too.

Surprise!!!

Hey, tomorrow's my birthday! I won't tell you how old I am,. Let's just say that I'll be eligable to run for President in 2008. (OK, 31. But still a kid inside.)

Um... where was I going with this?

Oh yeah. What I would like from anyone who is interested, is some jokes with really bad punch lines. The punnier the better. You know, the same kind of jokes that Harvey hates so much. (Please keep them clean. My parents read this site occasionally.) They don't have to be original. I know that the best jokes get retold time and time again.

Just post them on your own web site, leave me a link in the comments, or a trackback to this post, or e-mail me with the subject "Bad Jokes" to vze3jcj8 (at) verizon.net.

I'll put up a list of them on Sunday so everyone can enjoy them. It'll be sort of a Carnival of the Bad Jokes.

Update:OK. After reading Harvey's comment about 24 hour notices and weekends, I've decided to extend this to a full week. So you have untill Friday the 29th for entries. (Hey it's my birthday present. I can change the rules if I want to.)

And just to let everyone know what kind I like...

Bob and Phil were taking a flight across the Atlantic from New York to London. About halfway across the Atlantic, the captain came on the intercom and made an announcement, interupting the movie.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I regret to have to tell you that we've had some problems with our number 2 engine, so we had to shut it down. Don't worry, we can still make the flight on our remaining three engines, but we will be a half hour late arriving in England."

Bob and Phil went back to watching the movie. A short time later, the captain again came back on the intercom.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm sorry to tell you this, but we've had to shut down another engine. The plane can still fly with just two engines, but now we'll be an hour late to England."

Bob and Phil listened to the captain, and then continued to watch the movie. A few minutes later, the captain came back on the intercom again.

"Folks, I'm really sorry to have to say this, but we've had to shut down another engine. This plane will fly just fine on the remaining one, but unfortunately, we will now be two hours late getting into England."

When the captain was done talking, Bob turned to Phil and said, "You know what? If he shuts down that last engine, we're going to be stuck up here all day."

Filthy Lie: Little Known Facts About Evil Glenn

To rip off a great idea
Frank J.'s...

Little known facts of thy enemy, Evil Glenn:

*Evil Glenn didn’t always blend puppies for energy shakes. He started smaller, drowning and then blending hamsters, but was stopped by John Kerry.

*Glenn once tried to blend a cat, but the net blood loss from the cat scratching him while trying to get it into the blender was too great. Plus it had a funny aftertaste and gave him hairballs.

*In a battle between Aqua-man and Evil Glenn, Aqua-man would lecture Glenn on the evils of being, well… Evil. Evil Glenn would then whack Aqua-man like a homeless hobo.

*Evil Glenn once actually spent a holiday in Cambodia. It was only Columbus Day, so he wouldn’t have had the day off from whatever evil enterprise he was engaged in anyways.

*There are over 200 ways to say snow in the Eskimo tongue, but only one way to say “Indeed.”

*Evil Glenn never actually participated in “Genghis Kahn like atrocities.” But not for lack of trying.

*Evil Glenn is a Red Sox fan, and brokered the deal where the players sold their souls to the devil in return for a winning season.

*If the Red Sox loose the World Series, the players get their souls back and Evil Glenn has to return his commission.

*Unfortunately, he already blended all of it.

*As a vampire lawyer, Evil Glenn is vulnerable to garlic, stakes through the heart, and Celine Dion tapes.

*Actually, everyone is vulnerable to a stake through the heart.

*Celine Dion too.

*That is, everyone is vulnerable to Celine Dion music. (Although, I guess a stake through the heart would probably work on her as well. Aw, you know what I meant…)

*In order to help quit his smoking addiction, Evil Glenn took up chewing tobacco.

*That only worked until he ran out of dogs named “Tobacco.”

*Evil Glenn once worked for Halliburton.

*He brought a barrel of oil to the job interview to trade in for some blood.

*He quit when he discovered that they weren’t as evil as everyone said they were.

*Evil Glenn has an irrational fear of the number 42.

*This is probably a result of the several times that he was beat up by 42, 73-year old grandmothers.

*He doesn’t visit nursing homes anymore.

*This has affected his Alzheimer’s class action suit.

*But not too much, he was making a lot of it up before anyways.

*Evil Glenn was once the target of an ASPCA lawsuit.

*It was dropped when they couldn’t find a lawyer willing to risk his life against Evil Glenn in a courtroom.

*Evil Glenn stopped buying Girl Scout cookies when he discovered that they were not made from actual Girl Scouts.

*When they stopped showing up to try to sell him more, he had to end his home-recipe experiments.

*Contrary to his other evil actions, Trick-or-Treaters are very welcome at his Evil Fortress.

*Especially ones dressed as Girl Scouts.

Good, It's Back Up

I don't know if anyone else had this problem, but I couldn't log on to any Mu.Nu. sites allmost all day.

And then when I could, I couldn't post anything on mine. Not that I had anything to say. I just wanted the opportunity to do so if I did come up with something.

I'm not blaming anyone.

Really.

It was probably just a problem with my computer. I was having some issues with Mozilla last night, and had to do a complete re-boot to fix things.

Stupid computer.

///////////asdfa f/wekkenfn/klansdkna/lk/sdf

I mean nice computer. Please don't crash again! Good computer. Powerfull computer. Um... pretty computer. Strong computer.

Phew! That was close.

So, any questions?

No?

Good. Because I really don't have any answers. At least none that anyone would believe.

Anyways, have a good night everybody!

And try the prime rib.

I'll be here all week.

Margaritaville

Just because I had to look it up to get the first four words (I could remember everything else, just not the beginning) I give you...

Jimmy Buffett - Margaritaville Lyrics

Nibblin' on sponge cake
Watchin' the sun bake
All of those tourists covered with oil
Strummin' my six-string
On my front porch swing
Smell those shrimp they're beginnin' to boil

Chorus:
Wastin' away again in Margaritaville
Searching for my lost shaker of salt
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame
But I know it's nobody's fault

I don't know the reason
I stayed here all season
Nothin' to show but this brand new tattoo
But it's a real beauty
A Mexican cutie
How it got here I haven't a clue

Chorus:
Wastin' away again in Margaritaville
Searchin' for my lost shaker of salt
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame
Now I think
Hell, it could be my fault

I blew out my flip-flop
Stepped on a pop-top
Cut my heel had to cruise on back home
But there's booze in the blender
And soon it will render
That frozen concoction that helps me hang on

Wastin' away again in Margaritaville
Searching for my lost shaker of salt
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame
But I know it's my own damn fault
Yes and some people claim that there's a woman to blame
And I know it's my own damn fault

Because the only thing worse than having a song running through your head is having a song running through your head and not being able to remember how the song starts!

Day By Day©

Hey! Alright! He’s coming back!

For those of you who haven’t heard yet, Chris Muir will be re-starting Day By Day© on December 1, 2004.

Let the countdown commence!

.
.
.
.
.
.
Is it back yet?
(Argh! Stupid time isn't going fast enough!)

????????

I think I just saw a salter/plow truck drive by!

The forecast is only for a low of 42deg F. Am I missing something?

I mean sure, it snowed a little Saturday night... but that was south of here in the hills in snow country.

It does look like it's going to rain for a while tonight though.

Well, what did you expect?

I had a customer today, who poured a cup of coffee, added sugar, left it on the counter to use the ladies room, came back, added several creamers, walked away to check the chip rack, came back and stirred the coffee, left to check the candy rack, went back to put a lid on the coffee cup, took a sip and said that she didn't want it because it was too cold.

?????????

I didn't say anything to her, but I wanted to point out "What do you expect when you left it uncovered on the counter for 15 minutes?"

She did offer to pay for it. But the policy is if they don't drink it, we don't charge them. Usually a good policy. (No one wants a customer thinking you took advantage of them.) But this time...

(I know I kind of sound like Susie complaining about her 50 cent Wednesday night cutomers, but hey, everyone needs to rant sometimes.)

Update:I forgot to mention that this customer appeared to be at least 2 and a half sheets to the wind. Not nasty drunk. Just annoying drunk. And unfortunately, I have this defective gene which makes me treat people who appear to need some form of help nicely. Not quite pity, but something like that.

The Bills Win!

Yay! Finally. The Bills actually played a team worse than them.

Bills 20
Dolphins 13

Now all they have to do is win the next 11 in a row, and they could be in the playoffs!

Hey, at least I can look at the sports section tomorrow without cringing.
:-)

Yay!

The third season of Red Vs. Blue has finally started! (With a snazzy new website redesign, I might add)

If you've never heard of it before, it's kind of like the Simpsons, the Sopranos and Hogan's Heros all rolled together. It's a military comedy, with military language,(i.e. lots of swearing) so it is definitely not for children.

It's created using the VERY popular game, HALO(tm). I won't go into all of the details, (mostly because I don't know how they do it) but it is the pinacle of computer generated animation. (In my opinion anyways)

If you haven't seen any of the series before, I would suggest starting at the beginning. Otherwise it doesn't really make a lot of sense, and the characters are too hard to follow. So be prepared for a lot of downloading, or go and order the DVDs. (Lo-Res is free, High-Res requires a subscription)

Just a quick thought before bed...

What are the producers of the new Coke product C2 trying to show in the comercial with all of the people going crazy to the tune of "I Want To Break Free"?

Are they showing the extreme side-effects of the new sweetner? I mean, as a store manager, I don't think I want a product that when drunk, incites my employees to throw produce around the store. Where is the up side of that for the store?

Just some random thoughts.

Frolf

This morning before work, a few friends introduced me to the game of Frisbee Golf. Or Frolf, as they called it. It’s played very similarly to regular golf, except that you use Frisbees or Frolf disks instead of clubs and a golf ball.

The biggest advantage that I found is that it is much harder to lose a Frolf disk than it is to lose a golf ball. So you really only need one disk for the game. The biggest disadvantage was that I couldn’t throw a Frisbee for beans for the first half-hour.

The course is at the local county park, and is laid out much the same as a regular golf course with two major exceptions. One, the holes are much shorter. (No one wants to try to throw a disk more than 70 or 80 yards per hole.) And two, the course for the most part is in the woods. There are no fairways to speak of. You are expected to just play through the trees. Since you pick the disk up to make your next throw, there is no reason to groom the surface of the course.

The “hole” is a metal basket on a pole, set about waist height, with a bunch of dangling chains above it. The chains stop the disk so that you don’t have your putts kicked out when you hit the pole on a long shot. It sounds easy, but if you try to use the chains too much, you find that your second “putt” is often much longer than your first one. A good approach “putt” drops to the ground within 6 feet of the “hole.”

The guys teaching me showed me the three main types of throws; a traditional across the body throw, an outside sidearm throw, and an over-the-head “Hammer” throw. There are times when you want to use each different one, just like using different golf clubs, but darned if I could figure out when. I just stuck with the traditional throw for the first 9-holes. (While I was using an old Frisbee.) And then the sidearm throw for the back-9 when another friend showed up with a real Frolf disk he had picked up at the store for me, on his way to the park.

About the only other thing I can say about the game, is that if you are going to try it out at a local public course, it’s generally free to play. So spend the $9-$10 on a Frolf disk. It’s still a lot less than you would spend for a couple of hours bowling or even 9-holes on a public golf course. And there is a world of difference between how a Frolf disk (which is generally a lot denser and slightly smaller than a regular Frisbee) and a Frisbee are able to handle the course.

All in all, it was a fun time. And it only took about two hours to do the whole 18-hole course. Although, I think my arm will be telling me not to try it again any time in the next couple of days.

:-)

Bills vs. Jets coming up...

OK. It's crunch time. If the Bills don't win this one today, should we just write the season off?

Has any team ever come back from 0-4 to do anything in the playoffs? I'm pretty sure that the Patriots last year were the first team to ever lose the first two games of the season and then win the Super Bowl.

Oh well, there's always the Sabres... Doh!

Update: Yippy... They blew another one in the last minute of the game. Of course those last minute drives of the opposition wouldn't be so important if the Bills could just show up and play for the first 59 of the game.

The Cranky Cadillac Caliper Conundrum Caper

My Dad likes to fix the family’s cars. Or to put it another way, he would rather fix them himself than pay someone else to do it. Since we have an old lift in the un-used back garage, that’s not too much of a big deal most of the time. And, unlike myself, he actually has some skill in changing brakes, doing tune-ups and the like.

Usually.

Today, he decided to change the brakes on my Grandparent’s Cadillac. No problem. And they really needed to be changed. The brake pads on the back brakes had never been changed (most back brakes get changed only half to a third as often as the front brakes) but they were in pretty bad shape. The little “chirper” clip that’s supposed to make noise to let you know when it’s time to change the brakes had broken off, so the pads were worn down to the metal. Fortunately, the rotors (the disk part) were not damaged.

Well, everything was going fine for my father up to the point where he had to put the whole thing back together. On a normal car (being defined as one that my Dad has worked on before) to get everything to fit, you have to compress the caliper. He’s always done this with a large C-clamp. And he’s hardly ever had a problem doing it before.

Except for this time. No matter how hard he turned the screw on the C-clamp, the caliper just wouldn’t compress. After half an hour of straining, he finally called the dealership and asked what he was doing wrong. There reply was that you need a special Cadillac tool that turns the plunger in the caliper while it compresses it.

Just great. There was no way that my Dad was going to go buy a tool just to change one set of brakes. So he gets me back in the garage with him. My job is to use a hammer and a punch to hit the notches and get the plunger to turn while he compresses it with the C-clamp.

I suggested using a pair of pliers or an open-ended wrench to turn the plunger, but he said that there would be no way to get enough pressure on the piston.

So from there it went something like this:

“CLANG CLANG CLANG” “twist” “CLANG CLANG Thud”

That was me hitting my thumb with the hammer. (Fortunately the left thumb, which I don’t use when typing.)

This went on for 15 minutes or so. And only stopped when I could no longer get a good angle on the notch to turn the plunger, and I could no longer easily count to ten.

Now, having all of his ideas no longer work, my father decides to try mine. He grabs a pair of pliers, sticks the end of them into the notches and…

IT WORKS!

A few minutes later, using a 5/16” wrench and a pair of vice-grips, I had fabricated my very own Cadillac Caliper Compressor™ (Sorry to disappoint, but no duct tape was used in the manufacture process. Maybe in the Mark 2 model.)

Using our newly created tool, the rest of the job was over in a matter of minutes.

About now you are probably asking what the whole purpose of this story was… Actually, there isn’t any other than the fact that I really like the title “The Cranky Cadillac Caliper Conundrum Caper”

:-)

Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn's Daydream

The message went out across the blogsphere. Find out what Evil Glenn daydreams about. At first I was a little skeptical. After all, what does the Undead Lord of the Internet need to daydream about? Surely all of his fantasies are instantly fulfilled by his minions.

But on further reflection, I had to agree with the thought that after typing “Indeed” or “Heh” for the hundredth time of the day, his mind was bound to wander a little. The question then became, what way to find out what he was thinking?

After a few days of tinkering, and using parts from my old desktop computer, a microwave, my vacuum, a TV dinner, an old hand-crank phonograph, a roll of Reynolds wrap, a small black and white TV (I was going to use a color one, but then I remembered reading somewhere that we dream in black and white), a handful of paperclips, two coconuts, all of the odd numbered cards from a poker deck, and a bar of soap, I managed to construct a machine to read daydreams.

I call it the…

DAYDREAM READER™

Or D. Reader™ for short. (And let me tell you, I was starting to dread what I was going to see in Evil Glenn’s head.)

I plugged the machine in and turned it on. After fumbling around in the dark for a few minutes, I found the breaker box and flipped the switches back on. As I started back up the stairs, the lights went back out again. This happened about four more times before I realized two things.

One, the D. Reader™ was obviously meant for a 220 circuit instead of the 110 house current available.

And two, unless I unplug it before I hit the breakers, I was going to be going up and down the basement stairs all day.

With this realization, I grabbed the D. Reader™ and headed to my job, where I knew that I could find a good 220 connection. I snuck in the back, and set up.

I turned the main dial to Blogger and the secondary dial to Gets more hits than me. When I hit the start button, there was an instant response. Across the screen, two words were scrolling by, over and over:

Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women Naked Women...

“Wow” I said. Then I looked down at the Identity window at the bottom. “Oh great,” I thought, “it’s just Harvey. I should have guessed.”

I quickly made an adjustment to the secondary dial and set it to More well regarded than Harvey

The display lit up again, this time with:

Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen Naked Firemen...

“Huh?” I checked the Identity window. Just as I suspected, Susie.

This time I was taking no chances. I grabbed a Sharpie™ and wrote on the secondary dial Dark Lord of the Blogsphere

At first, when I hit the start button, nothing appeared. But then, in tiny words, so small that I had to use a magnifying glass to read them, I saw the words:

I wish I had morals…

Well, I guess when you’ve got everything else, you daydream about the one thing that you can never have. And for an undead lawyer ruling the blogsphere with an iron fist, the least attainable thing of all has to be "morals."

Words to live by.

(Of course this could be all made up. It is a filthy lie after all!)

Here's what "There's One, Only!" means too.

Also stolen from Harvey.

What GEBIV means to the world?

Hat tip to Harvey.

Big Guns!

There are some good "big gun" discussions going on over at John's Castle Argghhh!

I especially like this post about the A-10's 30mm vulcan cannon. And make sure that you read all of the way to the end of the post! There is a story of a Sargent, and Airman, and a really big gun that you don't want to miss.

You should also check out this post, which goes into the physics of large caliber machine guns.

The Bills are losers...

How can a team be in a re-building mode for 5 years straight? How can a team go for it on 4th and 3 on their opponents 17 yard line and have the ball go the other way for a touchdown? Can they get any worse?

They say a good team always finds a way to win. The Bills just always find a way to lose.

Another Groaner

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He
tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he
heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!"

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept foward again.
"Jesus is watching you", the voice boomed again.

The burglar stopped dead in his tracks again, He was frightened.

Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage
and in the cage was a parrot.

He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes", said the parrot.

The burgalar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot: "What's your
name?" "Moses." said the bird.

"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the buglar. "What idiot named
you Moses?"

The parrot replied "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus"

Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn Limericks

Here are my lame contributions to this week’s Filthy Lie.

There once was an Evil Glenn,
Who'd whack hobos now and then.
He’d blend up a puppy,
Drink it like a guppy.
And wipe the red foam off his chin.
(Ok, I know that “chin” doesn’t exactly rhyme, but it’s a nice image anyways.)

Evil Glenn was in a spot,
He had no dog for his pot.
So he grabbed a bunny,
And dipped it in honey.
Then said, “I liked that a lot!”
(Oh, so that’s what he does when the Attack Rabbits fail at their jobs)

An evil man wore white socks,
With his sandals to cover his hocks.
An opera cape,
On his shoulder to drape.
And a top hat crowning his locks.
(This one is my favorite)

The Robot, Evil Glenn does dance.
Or maybe there’s ice in his pants?
Whichever it be,
Disturbing is he.
Could be he’s really from France?
(Now that’s really disturbing… he’s French too?)

Sorry if I don’t have all of the links done yet. I didn’t have as much time to do this as I thought, so I’ll try to link up everything later.

Some thoughts while shopping at Sam's Club

I had to run to Sam's Club today to get supplies for the family business. This is a trip that I generally make once every week. (For those of you who don't have a Sam's Club near you, it's a lot like a Costco warehouse store. For those of you who don't have a Costco near you, there is nothing I can compare it to.)

What struck me this week was the display in their book section. For three weeks after "Unfit for Command" hit number one on all of the top seller lists, it was unavailable. Then, for a short time (less than a week) they had about a dozen copies, set half-way down the aisle. (I quickly snagged a copy for my father) Yet, Kitty Kelly's book, "The Family,"which hasn't even made the top ten list (last I looked anyways), has an end display of about half a pallet of books. It's next closest competition for sheer volume is Bill Clinton's "My Life" (which was discounted to almost half price the moment it hit the shelves... but I digress)

Of course, now that "Unfit for Command" has dropped to number 4 on the list they use, there isn't even any space for it on the shelves. I guess that it is all the publisher's fault, eh. Just think how good the sales would have been if they had actually printed enough books...

On a humorus note, I also noticed that all of the books about sports were right next to the Religious writings section. Makes sense to me ;-)

Happy Birthday!

Just a few Happy Birthday Wishes for my Mom and my brother Culbrez, who were born on the same day, 25 years apart.

Wait a Minute!

This changes everything! Jeff of Au Fait (a possible blogson of Harvey) has proof that Harvey doesn't actually exist. But I think that he is jumping to the wrong conclusion.

What this analysis actually proves is that Bad Example is actually written by the Olsen Twins! If you pay close attention to the blog, you can actually see two different styles of writing. This is especially evident in the "Love Notes" posts. The post itself is usually a thoughtful and romantic statement, which is then almost invariably followed by a crass and crude caveat by the same "Harvey." Obviously, Mary Kate writing the first part, while the much more bitter Ashley adding the comment.

You can also see this in other posts. For example "Harvey" has an obsession with "Graffiti Currency" while also having an obsession with Glenn Reynolds. Two obviously incompatible fixations. Undoubtably, one is the product of one sister's feverish mind, while the other issues from the twisted passions of the other twin.

It explains so much about "Harvey" and "his" demented style of posting.

Update: Some would say that the different spellings of the names Olsen and Olson disprove this entire argument. I say that is just another indication of the lengths that the Olsen Twins are trying to go to protect their annonimity. But their ruse has been exposed!

Question!

Which would you rather have pop up at the beginning of fall: A sudden onslaught of never before suffered allergies, or a cold?

Allergies:
Pros: Don’t have to worry about getting other’s sick around you. No chance of needing to throw-up.
Cons: Dude, your stuck with them for the season!

Cold:
Pros: Over pretty quick. Good excuse to eat chicken noodle soup and sleep in a little.
Cons: If anyone else gets sick at work, it’s your fault so you have to cover for them. That throwing up thing. (Not necessarily going to happen, but always a possibility.) Don’t get sick days, so have to show up for work anyways.

Well, what do you think?

Avast!

It snuck up on me, but tomorrow is the second annual International Talk Like a Pirate Day.

So polish up your eyepatches, buckle up your swashes and strap on your peg-legs.

Arrrrrr.

Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn Haiku

Sitting on his throne.

Linking to many others.

Controls the Blogsphere.

Blending small puppies
Sipping the foul energy
Puppy tail stirrers

Whacking the Hobos,
Louisville Slugger swinging.
Skulls smash like melons.

Dance the Robot now!
Electrocute the masses.
All souls are now cursed.

Installanche I beg.
Server crashes from the load
Blogsphere fame, mine.

Penguins abused there.
Waterfowl screams fill the air.
Evil Fortress screens.

One, two, three, four, five
One, two, three, four, five, six, sev’n
Five, four, three, two, one.
(OK, that’s not about Evil Glenn. I just like it.)

Enslaving bloggers.
Promising gifts of linkage.
Controls their numbers.

Frank J getting punched.
Samurai yells for his gun.
Evil Glenn runs away.

Vampire lawyer types.
“Indeed.” “Heh.” His signature.
Types very little.

White socks and sandals
Wearing an opera cape
Top hat hides his horns

Frank J’s enemy.
Bane of Blogger Alliance.
Fun to lie about.

Oh man! Is this guy in trouble.

Found this over at Castle Argghhh.

Take a good look at this Lt Col (maybe Lt by now...)

Then read the next post by Instapilot.

The comments are good for a laugh too.

Happy Birthday Harvey!

Harvey, my adopted blog-father, has a request for his birthday on the 14th. He wants pictures. Specifically, pictures of boobies. Since he’s a pervert, I kind of expected that.

Normally, I would have nothing to do with such a thing. But I need the traffic. And he promised to link to anyone who posted such pictures on their site for him.

So, in the extended entry, you’ll find the pictures for him.

(Don't worry, they're work safe)

Happy Birthday, Harvey!

Just a couple of bad jokes I heard somewhere

Two Blondes in a Fire

Two blondes realize that their apartment is
on fire and go out onto the balcony.

"Help, help!" yells one of the blondes.

"Help us, help us!" yells the other.

"Maybe it would help if we yelled together,"
said the first blonde.

"Good idea," said the other.

"Together, together!"

Career Dreams

A father is asked by his friend, "Has your
son decided what he wants to be when he grows
up?"

"Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector,"
replied the boy's father.

His friend thought for a moment and responded,
"That's a rather strange ambition to have for
a career."

"Well," said the boy's father, "he thinks that
garbage collectors only have to work on Tuesdays!"

Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn's Fortune

The message was short and simple. Find out what message of the future Evil Glenn had received from the Gypsy Fortune Teller.

Tricky, I thought. But I can do it.

I quickly gathered the supplies that I thought I would need.

30 yards of 3-ply nylon rope
2 rolls of duct tape
Swiss Army knife
Back-up Swiss Army knife
Shovel
Deck of cards
2 saltwater clams
The August, 1973 issue of Popular Mechanics
3 rolls of toilet paper
A packet of mustard
Another Back-up Swiss Army knife
A roll of Tums
Two Lemmings
A flashlight
3 band-aids
73¢ in change, Canadian
And a dill pickle

Once I had my supplies all set, I headed over to Evil Glenn’s Fortress Of Evil™.

Three hours later, I had almost made my way into Evil Glenn’s inner sanctum. But I was running out of time and equipment. I was down to ten feet of duct tape, my back-up back-up Swiss Army knife, and one poker card left tucked up my sleeve. It was like he had known I was coming and had set every trap in his Fortress to catch me.

With a final sprint, I made it into his inner sanctum. There was a sheet of parchment lying on his desk.

I picked it up and read:

Insta-prophesy for the Blogsphere Overlord.

Great Glenn,

On the tenth day of the ninth month of this year, an Alliance of Free Bloggers member will break into your Fortress Of Evil™ and steal this insta-prophesy.

Beware the club.

-Evil Hench-Gypsy #42

As I finished reading and stuffed the parchment into my satchel, I heard an evil laugh from behind me.

“You think you’ve won, don’t you?”

I could only shudder at the sound of what I knew to be Evil Glenn.

“Put your hands in the air. And drop any weapons you have.” He said, as I slowly turned to face him.

My knife clattered to the floor. And I stood there facing him. He was holding what looked like a large food processor and was pointing it directly at my chest.

“Where is the club that the prophecy mentioned?” He asked.

Quickly whipping the playing card out of my shirt-sleeve, I spun it at him with a flick of my wrist. It stuck in his forehead, directly between his eyes, and knocked him unconscious. As I ran past him to the exit, I could see that it was the four of clubs.

Good prophesy I thought. Just hope I have enough duct tape to get out of here.

ITS MINE! ALL MINE! BWAA HA HA HA!

Just got the statement in the mail today that officially closes the loan account on my Jeep.

I have to admit that I was a little worried that I'd forget to make that last payment of $7 and they would come and reposses it. ;-)

Now I just have to find someone who wants to ride around in it with me...

Oops

Looks like they had everything figured out. But someone forgot to check the chute.

Nice looking crater though.

This is how you DONT do it

I guess what they say is true.

Those who can, do.

Those who can't, teach.

Good thing it wasn't one of these.

King Kong Remake

Director Peter Jackson, winner of three Oscars for the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy, will be the driving force behind a new remake of the classic film, “King Kong.”

Some notable changes will be made to the script, including the addition of a rag-tag band of adventurers who help the new central character, a midget with pointy ears, travel to the distant land of Kong’s origins and cast the “One Banana Peel” into a large blender in order to destroy Kong’s power.

When asked if his “Lord of the Rings” success may have affected his movie making style, Jackson replied, “What do you mean by that? There’s no Gandalf in this movie. And anyone who says that the Gendelf character is just a knock off is crazy.” Jackson’s supporters back his claims by pointing out that the Gandalf character has a pointy hat and a long beard, while Gendelf has a pointy beard and a long hat.

Critics are quick to say that this is just crass marketing and commercialization of a classic movie. But many were even quicker to recant their statements after a visit from Jackson’s Nazgul promotions department.

In addition to the “minor” script changes, Jackson has plans to film the entire movie on location in New Zealand. In order to prevent copywrite infringement, the climactic scene of King Kong climbing the Empire State Building will be changed to one where he climbs the Umpire State Building, which is now under construction in Jackson’s hometown of Wellington.

While the movie will not be released until December 2005, merchandise such as action figures and trading cards will be available for the holidays this year.

HELP.

I don't know what's going on with my system, but if anyone can help, I'd appreciate it.

Sometime over the last week, I installed Mozilla Firefox. I don't know if this is the problem or not, but starting yesterday, I couldn't get my site to load up on my laptop. At the same time, Harvey's site Bad Example wasn't showing up either. Even when I tried it in Inernet Explorer, they wouldn't come up.

I got home after work, and both sites loaded fine on my old desktop. And now, today, Harvey's site works just fine on the laptop. But mine still won't load. I tried it on the computer at work, and it won't load there either.

What's going on? I reinstalled Mozilla, and dumped all of the caches. I even checked to see if they were gone. But I don't understand what the problem is.

UPDATE: It seems to be working fine now. I still don't know if it was my computer or the website. I'll go along with Harvey though, and blame mu.nu.
:-)

Testing...

Is this thing on? TAP TAP TAP...

FRUIT CAKE RECIPE

Here's a recipe entry for the Carnival of Recipies. I have to admit it's not my recipe. In fact I stole this from bluegrassbanjo.org

But I'm sure everyone will enjoy.

FRUIT CAKE RECIPE

One Cup Water
One Cup Sugar
Four Large Eggs
Two Cups of Dried Fruit
One Teaspoon of Baking Soda
One Teaspoon of Salt
One Cup of Brown Sugar
Lemon Juice
Nuts
One Bottle of Whiskey (High Quality)

Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and check in the cup of drier fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of sale, or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again and go to bed.

Save A Horse?

Have any of you seen the music video for the Big and Rich song “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy?”

While I usually am not one to critique a song with a banjo as one of the lead instruments, I have to say that I cannot wholly endorse this song. It’s got a really catchy tune, but I don’t really like the lyrics or general theme of the song. It’s sort of a cowboy rap. And while the lyrics would most likely warm Harvey’s heart, I’m a little bit of a prude when it comes to what I want playing over my radio. If I can’t listen to it with my Mom in the room, I don’t really want it playing at work now, do I?

But what I really wanted to write about was the video. Have you seen it? It’s like it was produced by a collaborative effort of Elton John, the guy who directed the Robert Palmer video “Addicted to Love,” and a llama on acid.

I like the background. I’ve always liked the look of steel girder bridges. But the pimped out singers riding alternately on horses and in a big Cadillac convertible rather ruined the image. The women in the business suits looked nice, but where did the midget in the cowboy hat come from?

All in all, a very strange video for a very strange song. Just needed to get all of that off my chest.

/rant

Too weird

I can't tell yet if this story just makes my skin crawl, or gives me the screeming heebie-jeebies...

Ehhhh... screaming heebie-jeebies.

Update: Here's a picture of her.

I can't sleep...

Most everybody has something that is seared into his or her brain. For some, (the older among us) it is the moment that they heard Kennedy had been assassinated. For others, it is the image of a loved one. For at least one, it is a fictitious account of Christmas in Cambodia.

For me, it is a stupid, childish and inane little poem I read back around the fourth grade. I would like to share it with you. (I can’t remember the title or author, but no one is perfect)

A flea and a fly were caught in a flue.
“Let us fly,” said the flea.
“Let us flee,” said the fly.
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

Now maybe it will be stuck in your heads like it is in mine! Mwahahahaha!

(Just for those of you who don't know what a flue is, it's a part of a chimney. I know, it still doesn't make much sense.)

Huh?!?

I know that the top story and the bottom one are technically unrelated, but doesn't the one seem to have some bearing on the other? I'm just saying...

Just in case you were wondering…

What happened to me last week. Well, it’s not that I went anywhere. Mostly it was a matter of not having time. We had a birthday party for my Grandfather’s 80th birthday on Saturday (the actual date is in late November, but pool parties are no fun when the pool is frozen), and it took most of the week to set it up. The rest of the time was spent at work.

That was what happened to the week. Sunday however, was mine. I went with a group of friends to the Sterling Renaissance Festival in upstate New York. It was loads of fun, and we went in full “Lord Of The Rings” costume. (I know that’s not strictly Renaissance, but we were popular with the other people there.) I was dressed as Gandalf the White. Unfortunately this entailed wearing a quilt-like tunic with a cloak over it and a full beard and long wig on a very sunny and warm day. On the plus side, all of the others had to leave their weapons in the car, but I was able to take my staff inside.

I didn’t bring a camera (it would have spoiled the look), but some of my friends were taking pictures, so if I get a hold of any, I might be persuaded to post them. Of course, several total strangers asked to take my picture, so if you know anyone who went to the festival, they may have pictures too.

Next year, we're thinking of going in a Monty Python's Holy Grail theme. "Come Patsy!" (clop clop clop)

Get Rich Quick?

I got the e-mail below in my inbox yesterday. Now I've heard that you can't trust those letters from the people in Nigeria, but this one is from someone from Angola (not the small town near where I live, but the one in Africa). Although the e-mail address, and the server are from England.

Gee. I don't know, should I trust them...

Attn: I got your contact in my search for a trustworthy foreigner that will assist me with my present predicament, as I don?t even know whom to trust so I allowed the spirit of God to lead me. Firstly let me introduce my self. I am Mrs. Agnes Jonas Savimbi, wife of the late leader of the National Union of the total Liberation of Angola (U.N.I.T.A) who died on the February 22 2002 by the bullet of the ruling government troop. My late husband was controlling the northern part of Angola as a rebel leader which is blessed with a huge deposit of diamonds this my late husband used to his advantage, mining and selling these diamond to foreign individuals and government in return for huge amount of US Dollars and ammunitions that is part of the reasons couple with determination why he was able to sustain his troop for 30 years of civil war before his untimely death He left a huge amount of money which amount to $100m (United state dollars) he kept the money under my care in case of eventuality so that the future of me and our children will be secure. when we heard the bad news of his death his trusted aid moved me and the children and members of our family out of our hiding, we traveled in a fishing boat to Port Lois Mauritius from where I am making this contact., the money has been coded and secretly deposited in a security company and declared as ?FAMILY TREASURE? for onward courier to reliable foreigner in an advanced economy like your country for safe keep. I am offering you 30% of the total money if you will assist me to move this money out of Mauritius as the foreign beneficiary and provide a safe account, while I and my family will have 70%. I am assuring you that this transaction is risk free as we have put all the logistics in place to make it successful all we need from you is your co-operation and sincerity of purpose. You will be contacting my brother in-law Robert Savimbi for more details on how you are going to assist us conclude this transaction I gave him authority to assist me due to health reasons I am recovering from a traumatic attack since the death of my husband. I will wait for your response, thank you and God bless. Mrs. Agnes Jonas Savimbi NB GET BACK TO ME TO THIS EMAIL ADDRESS( agnesjonas2003@yahoo.co.uk)

__________________________________________________________________
Get Tiscali Broadband From £15:99
http://www.tiscali.co.uk/products/broadband

I feel old...

I was just reading rightwing duck and his comment here about the qualifications to be President, and I suddenly came to the realization that I will be eligable to run for president in the next election. I'll turn 35 a little less than two weeks before the election.

And while it was cool to become old enough to vote in the Presidential elections the first time, being actually old enough to run seems too much.

The Hokey Pokey?

This was found on a Humor Newsgroup, and I thought I should share.

Shakespeare's Hokey Pokey
as submitted by Jeff Brechlin, Potomac Falls

O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.

Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke,
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from Heavens yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.

The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.

Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn's Campaign Slogan

I'll go out on a limb here.

I think that Evil Glenn's Presidential Campaign Slogan will be...

Indeed! Heh.

OK, not too original. But I went to Cedar Point yesterday and I don't have the energy for much today.

Here's One for Harvey

The Artist

There was artist who worked from a studio in
his home. He specialized in nudes, and had been
working on what he thought would be a masterpiece
for several months now.

His model showed up and, after exchanging the
usual greetings and small talk, she began to
undress for the day's work.

He told her not to bother, since he felt pretty
bad with a cold he had been fighting. He added
that he would pay her for the day, but that she
could just go home; he just wanted some hot tea
and then, off to bed.

The model said, "Oh, please, let me fix it
for you. It's the least I can do."

He agreed and told her to fix herself a cup
too. They were sitting in the living room exchanging
small talk and enjoying their tea, when he heard
the front door open and close, then some familiar
footsteps.

"Oh my!" he whispered loudly, "It's my wife!
Quick! Take all your clothes off!"

A truely shocking story!

This bloke is working on the buses and collecting tickets.
He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman half
getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus
and is killed.
At the trial the bloke is sent down for murder and seeing as it's
Texas he's sent to the electric chair.

On the day of his execution he's sat in the chair and the executioner
grants him a final wish.
"Well" says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?"
"Yes" answers the executioner.
"Can I have that green banana?" the man asks.
The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits until he's
eaten it.

When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending
hundreds of thousands of volts through the man.
When the smoke clears the man is still alive. The executioner can't
believe it.
"Can I go?" the man asks. "I suppose so" says the executioner, "that's
never happened before."

The man leaves and eventually gets his job back on the buses selling
tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are
still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed.
The bloke is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric
chair. The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs
the chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas. The bloke
is again sat in the chair.
"What is your final wish?" asks the executioner.
"Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch?" says the
condemned man. The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his
banana. The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips
the switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out
Texas. When the smoke clears the man is still there smiling in the
chair. The executioner can't believe it and lets the man go.

Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses.
Once again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on,
this time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair
again. The executioner rigs up all the electricity in America to the
chair, determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the
chair smiling.
"What's your final wish?" asks the executioner.
"Well" says the man, "Can I have that green banana out of your packed
lunch?"
The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin
included. The executioner then pulls the handle and a zillion million
trillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is
still sat there alive without even a burn mark.
"I give up" says the executioner, "I don't understand. How you can
still be alive after all that?"
He stroked his chin. "It's something to do with that green banana
isn't it?" he asked.

"Nahh" said the bloke,"...I'm just a really bad conductor."

Global Waming Solved

Washington, DC. – Scientists this week have discovered the actual cause of the theory of “Global Warming.” In a shocking scientific breakthrough, key environmental and physiological researchers have put forth a compilation of data, which proves that “Global Warming” is actually all a matter of perspective.

Or more specifically, it is a matter of perspective of roughly half the population. Lars Nordquest, leading researcher, explains. “Of the over 78 million baby boomers, roughly half of them are women. Giving us approximately 39 million women going through, or close to going through menopause. To put it in a nutshell, all of those women are always complaining that they are too hot. And then when actual temperature measurements are made near them, the hot flashes often disrupt the very delicate thermometers. But mostly, it’s all in their heads.”

When questioned as to whether this was merely a chauvinistic approach to a world problem, he replied. “Not really. Just because someone is thinks that it’s hotter or colder than it used to be when they were kids doesn’t mean that it really is. And women are just more likely to complain about that kind of thing.”

“Hey, if women want to blame the fact that they can’t sleep comfortably on climate change, fine. Just don’t go waking me up.”

On a related note, futures speculation on hormone replacement pharmaceutical companies has risen from an opening bid of $21 a share to over $78.

Found another one...

Harvey's grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop.

In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German
accent. He asks Harvey, "Vat sims to be ze problem?"

Harvey says, "I'm not sure, but it doesn't go 'tick-tocktick -tock' anymore.
Now it just goes 'tick...tick...tick.'"

The old man says, "Mmm-Hm!" and steps behind the counter, where he rummages
around a bit. He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over the grandfather
clock.

He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clocks face. Then
he says in a menacing voice, "Ve haf vays of making you tock!"

(The joke was already printed with the name Harvey in it. Nothing is implied in any way...) :-)

Just to prove that I'm easily amused...

Something I found in a Joke Newsgroup

Three Friars

Three friars were behind on their belfry payments, so
they opened up a small florist shop to raise the necessary
funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of
God, the rival florist across town thought the competition
was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to
close.
They ignored him.

He asked his mother to go and ask the friars to get out of
business. They ignored her too. So, the rival florist hired
Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town
to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and
trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't
close their shop.

Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that.....

Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars

We interupt your regularly scheduled blog...

Announcer: The following is a recording of one of our OnStar(bucks) operators and a client…

Christine: Hello?

Operator: This is OnStar(bucks), and our remote sensors have indicated a coffee spill in your vehicle.

Christine: What? I haven’t spilled… Oh no! My coffee is all over the floor.

Operator: That’s what our computers showed us ma’am. But don’t worry, we’ve already pre-ordered a replacement cup for you at the nearest Starbucks.

Christine: But the coffee is also all over my report! I just spent three weeks working on that and it’s due in an hour! And how am I going to get the stains out of the carpet.

Operator: I’m afraid we can’t help with…

Christine: That report’s for a big customer. If I don’t have that ready I’ll probably loose the account and my job!

Operator: Ma’am, I can’t do anything about that. But I’m sure once you’ve had some coffee, you’ll feel a whole lot better.

Christine: Well… I guess you’re right. Where’s the closest Starbucks?

Operator: Let’s see. Go straight for two more lights…

Announcer: An OnStar(bucks) vehicle’s advanced sensors not only detect a coffee spill before you do, they also automatically call the OnStar(bucks) control desk where a friendly operator will immediately direct you to the nearest Starbucks where your favorite coffee order will be waiting.

OnStar(bucks). We can’t help you clean up the mess, but everything looks better once you’ve had some more coffee.

OnStar(bucks) sensors may interfere with car radios, computerized vehicle controls and some pacemakers.

Belated Birthdays

Just a little belated birthday information.

Happy Birthday wishes to my Grandmother. Without her, I wouldn't have my father. And you know what kind of impact that would have on my own existance.

Happy Birthday wishes to Emily, fellow MontyPython fan and good friend. Without her, I wouldn't have a handy English person to pick on once in a while. (By the way, anyone know how you wrap a coconut?)

And since I'm doing announcements. Congratulations to Christine. Who, although she graduated from college in May, finally had her graduation party today. (Right now actually, but I won't get there untill after 6. One of the few perks to working for a family business is the ability to blog when you've got everything done at work.)

Another word from our sponsors

Announcer: The following is a recording of one of our OnStar(bucks) operators with a client…

Operator: OnStar(bucks). How may I help you?

Emily: My name is Emily, and I’m an OnStar(bucks) subscriber.

Operator: What can I do for you?

Emily: Well, this is probably going to sound silly…

Operator: Go on.

Emily: Well, I was out running some errands, and when I came out of the store…

Operator: Yes?

Emily: I… I realized that I locked my keys in the car.

Operator: Oh, I’m sorry, but we really aren’t set up…

Emily: No. You don’t understand. It’s worse than that. I locked my coffee in the car too!

Operator: I see… I’ve just dispatched one of our emergency coffee supply vehicles. It should get to you in just a few minutes.

Emily: Thank you so much! I wasn’t sure if I would be able to last until Triple A got here.

Operator: You can relax now. You’ll be sipping coffee in no time…

Announcer: While OnStar(bucks) may not be able to unlock your car in the case of an emergency, we can get you something to drink while you wait for the people who do that sort of thing.

OnStar(bucks). Now available in Regular and Decaf.

Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn's Law

The rumors were flying around the blogsphere. Evil Glenn had been seen in Washington, D.C. lobbying for a new law. The cry went out. Find out what law Evil Glenn was trying to get pushed through Congress.

I immediately went to my usual sources. But Great Wok - Chinese Restaurant was out of fortune cookies and I decided that I really wasn’t in the mood to play “Twenty Questions” with my Magic 8-Ball.(1)

It looked like I was going to have to find a Washington insider(2). I quickly searched through the yellow pages for a phone number. But no luck. You’d think that they were trying to keep themselves secret or something. In desperation, I put up an ad in several usenet newsgroups.

Wanted: Washington Resident

Blogger Totally apolitical investigator seeking anyone
with knowledge of Evil Glenn Glenn Reynolds’ activities
in and around the Capitol Building during the last several weeks.

Large Small Possible Reward!

Just a few hours after I had posted the ad, I received a phone call. Unfortunately, it was just someone trying to get me to change long distance carriers. Finally, after a considerable wait, I got the call I was hoping for. A digitally modified voice identified itself as “Deep Pants.” Then the voice on the phone set up a meeting place and demanded a reward of $500 in well laundered bills(3).

At the set time, I arrived at the meeting place. An underground parking ramp in the middle of the night(4). A figure in a rumpled business suit stepped out of the shadows and walked into the light.

“You bring the money?” the figure asked.

I nodded and he motioned for me to hand it to him. As I handed the money over, I had a nagging feeling that I recognized him. I wasn’t absolutely sure in the poor lighting, but I had the feeling that I had seen him somewhere. Possibly on television.

The stranger counted the money twice, and then crumpled the bills between his fingers. Then, after apparently determining they were soft enough, he stuffed the money down his pants.

Suddenly I remembered where I had seen him, and who he was. “Sandy Berger! You're Deep Pants?” I exclaimed. “I saw you on the news.”

“Keep it down.” he replied. “If anyone from the DNC finds out I’m selling information to a blogger, I’ll never get a job there again.”

“I think that stealing classified notes will have more to do with that.” I remarked.

“Are you kidding?” he shot back. “That was totally under orders… I mean… that was a personal problem. And they said they won’t hold it against me.”

A just looked at him for about thirty seconds.

“OK, it was both.” He muttered.

“Never mind that.” I said. “Do you have the information that I need? What law is Evil Glenn trying to get passed?” I felt dirty just talking to him, but I needed to know. And he seemed to be the only one who knew what Evil Glenn was up to.

Berger started chuckling. “Boy do you guys have it all wrong.”

“What do you mean?” I demanded.

“He’s not trying to get a law passed. He’s trying to get one repealed.”

Now I was really confused. Why would Evil Glenn want a law taken off of the books? He was a lawyer, and the more laws there were, the more control they had over the rest of us. “What law could he possibly want removed?” I asked in befuddlement.

“Well, as far as I have been able to tell,” he answered, “It is the law that has to do with the illegalities about certain kinds of relationships between adult humans and flightless waterfowl.”

I staggered as if struck by a physical blow. It was worse than I had suspected. Far worse.

As I stood there swaying, trying to come to grips with what I had just learned, I barely noticed Sandy Berger disappearing back into the shadows. But it didn’t matter. He had told me what I had wanted to know. More than I wanted to know, really.

I knew I had to warn the rest of The Alliance. Evil Glenn was trying to come out of the figurative Arctic Waterfowl Habitat(5), (the filthy penguin lover) and he was trying to use Congress to do it.

I just had one more question running through my mind. How am I going to tell Harvey I used his “Graffiti Currency” to pay off Berger?

(1)Besides, after that incident when it picked the wrong Superbowl Winner last year, half the time, all that pops up in the window is “Please! Not the dryer! Anything but the dryer!

(2)Wouldn’t “The Washington Insiders” be a great name for a sports team?

(3)And when the voice said well laundered, it wasn’t joking around. It specified only money that had been run through the wash at least twice. Preferably with a fabric softener. I was also told that if there was any crispness or sharp creases on the bills that the deal would be called off.

(4)I know that it sounds like a cliché, but there are certain rules that must be followed in situations such as this.

(5)Sort of like coming out of the closet, but involving more ice and saltwater.

And now for a word from our sponsors…

Announcer: The recording you are about to hear is an actual recording of an OnStar(bucks) operator and a client.

*CLICK

Operator: OnStar(bucks). How can I help you… Aaron?

Aaron: Ow ow ow ow ow ow…

Operator: I’m sorry, I can’t understand you.

Aaron: Ow ow ow ow ow…

Operator: Sir, please calm down and let me know how I can help you.

Aaron: OK. (ow) I was driving along, (ow ow) drinking my coffee (ow ow) and I…

Operator: You spilled it in your lap, didn’t you sir?

Aaron: Yessssssss. (Ow ow ow) And it was very hot!

Operator: All right. Here’s what you need to do. I’ll direct you to the nearest Starbucks where they will have an Iced Frappuccinno ready for you. You should pour that in your lap while you drive to the hospital. I’ll call ahead and give them your medical information so they can start cross matching for a skin graft.

Aaron: OK. But could you make that two Frappuccinnos?

Operator: Sure. Now turn left…

Announcer: Our OnStar(bucks) operators cannot only direct you to the nearest Starbucks, they also have your personal medical files ready just in case you have a coffee related injury.

OnStar(bucks). Serving you every day.

OnStar(bucks)

After hearing Blond-Star (found through Harvey, here) I was inspired to create the service OnStar(bucks).

*This is dedicated to my Starbucks addicted friends.

Announcer: This is an actual recording of an OnStar(bucks) operator and a client.

-CLICK-

Operator: Hello, OnStar(bucks), how may I help you… Jared?

Jared: Oh man. Am I glad I got a hold of you.

Operator: OK, just calm yourself and tell me what we can do for you.

Jared: Well, I was driving along and all of a sudden…

Operator: Yes?

Jared: I ran out of coffee! And I don’t have any more in the car and I don’t know where the nearest coffee is and I think I’m starting to get caffeine withdrawal and…

Operator: Sir. Sir. Please calm down. I can help. I’ve just notified the nearest Starbucks and ordered a double latte mocha grandé for you. It’ll be ready for you when you arrive. Now, here’s how you get there…

Announcer: Our personalized service will not only direct you to the nearest Starbucks, we can also pre-order your favorite drink to have it ready for you.

OnStar(bucks) is available on most new cars with cup holders.

OnStar(bucks). Because you never know when you will run out of coffee.

For your dining pleasure...

From:Discountsuppliers@nowhereinparticular.dot

Date:July 17, 2004

To:GEBIV@some.where

Subj:Tasty discounts!!

***BIG DISCOUNTS!!!!!!***

Save on every can!

Become a member and save even more on all meat products!

MEAT MEAT MEAT MEAT!!! ABSOLUTELY NO CARBS!!!!!!

Special Collectors Edition Cans Available!

Have some for dinner tonight! Stock up! Save some for a rainy day!

Made with 100% meat and meat byproducts!

Now available in low Sodium and Smoke Flavored!

Just great. SPAM™ spam.

Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn's Documentary

This week’s Alliance Filthy Lie was: What Documentary Will Evil Glenn Make? By an amazing coincidence, I got some SPAM in my inbox containing a couple of movie teasers…

Coming soon to a theater near you…

RPM 20,000: The Speed at Which Puppies Liquify

-The true-life saga of one man and his search for the perfect blender. How Glenn Reynolds struggled for hours at a time using inferior quality machinery until the day when he find the golden grail of his dreams… the L’Equip model 228.

“High-speed mayhem at it’s best” – Some Movie Guy

See it early and see it often. You know you’re thirsting for… RPM 20,000

Also showing with

Aluminum, 34oz

-The thrilling story of one man and his search for the most balanced, most impact resistant hobo-whacking bat available.

You’ll wince at the blood… You’ll scream at the gore… You’ll laugh at the hobos… You’ll come back for more… of Aluminum, 34oz

No refreshments will be served before the films start, but after-movie catering will be provided by Evil Glenn Industries. Bring your own straws.

I just wonder if Susie will be showing them at her theater soon...

Public Service Announcement

Just in case either of my regular readers was wondering, the little banner at the top of the page is an Amber Alert Ticker. I first noticed it over at The Krotchety Kegler and thought that it would be a good thing to have.

Of course, that was over a month ago, and I just got around to copying and pasting the code.

Part of what finally pushed me into doing it was one of my neighbors coming within 15 minutes of needing an Amber Alert to find her son. (Turned out he and his friend were just goofing off all night. Including going out to a pizzeria when he was supposed to be home.) But it could have been serious.

So if anyone is interested in putting one up on their own site, just click on the banner and follow the (really easy) directions. It’s a free service, but they do ask for a $3 donation if you would like to support them.

Fireworks

Just click on the sky above the Statue of Liberty at this web site.

For a little more color in the fireworks, click both the left and right mouse buttons at the same time!

Found this via One Hand Clapping.

Test test test

I took one of those online IQ tests the other day, and I was wondering how accurate they are. It was the Tickle Your Brain one.

Just out of curiosity, I'd be interested in knowing what my reader's IQ's are. I figure Harvey's to be a 'suffusion of yellow' ;-) (Bonus points for the reference!)

Oh and in case you're wondering, the test says that my IQ is 136. That appears to be just high enough for MENSA. So where's my application?

More Zen...

Chinese for lunch today. So it's time for FORTUNES!

Now is the time to go ahead and pursue that love interest!
Lucky Numbers 1, 2, 3, 11, 27, 27

Some men dream of fortunes, others dream of cookies.
Luck Numbers 4, 15, 16, 24, 36, 45
(and on the back)
LEARN CHINESE - Spring roll
Chun-juan

There is not greater pleasure than seeing your lived ones prosper.
(All of the spelling is exactly the way it was on the fortune.)

Deep thoughts

Do you ever get so pathetically lonely curious about how those dating sites that you get spammed with all of the time find in your inbox work?

Um...

Me neither.

Somethings been bothering me for a few weeks now...

If you've ever bought shares in a Mutual Fund, or done any other kind of investing; at the end of the prospectus or sales presentation, you are always told "Past performance is no indication of future results." This is just the legal mubo-jumbo that they use to say that even though they just spent half an hour telling you how much money you could make, nothing is certain.

I have no problems with that. Hey, if we could perfectly see the future, don't you think there would be a lot more lotto winners?

And I don't have any problems with the salesperson getting a commission. Or the money manager making a percentage of the total fund's growth. (Both usually in the area of 2% - 5%) They are both helping you to make money. And more improtantly, are both helping the growth of wealth in general.

And "Past performance is no indication of future results" is just an indication taht your are taking risk for having your money work for you. The same risk that any business owner has when ever he opens the door in the morning.

But what I have a problem with, is that I've been hearing this statement at the tail end of a personal injury attorney's ad. (I won't say who's, I don't want to be sued) Is this the depth to which our society has sunk? That we are supposed to look at a lawsuit as an investment vehicle? All so that the lawyer gets to make his 15% to 30%.

I'm not knocking lawyers in general, I happen to know a few really good ones. But what bothers me are the ones who go out looking for people to sue, rather than people to help. You know, the ambulance chasers.

I know a lot of people will just say "Grow up, that's the way things are." But that still doesn't make it right.

I just can't help but feel that this is not a good indicator as to what we are becoming...

Who will it be?

Looks like I'm finally going to hit 2000 visitors. If it's you, let me know.

The sitemeter is down the left side a little ways.

Yes, it is heavy.

Thanks to Harvey's complaining, I felt compelled to throw my own keys into the ring. (ouch)

A few tidbits about my keys,

I always wear my keys on the leftmost belt loop of my pants. Except when in church, then they go in my pocket.

Yes it does pull my pants down on that side. That's why I always wear a belt.

There are 23 keys, a flashlight, one broken key stub and a quarter on the ring. They are for both personal and business use.

I use every key on there. Except for the one for a padlock I know for a fact was stolen, and the two little ones I can't remember where to use. And the Hutchin's card doesn't work 'cause they were bought out by CarQuest.

The quarter is one I found in the cash drawer with a hole already drilled in it. I keep it, so I'll never be broke. (You know, 25 cents isn't enough to use a pay-phone anymore?)

It's the third carabiner clip that I've had. I broke the latch part on the previous two.

The only key I have that I don't have on this ring is to my motorcycle. (I think that if I used this ring, the bike would tip over.)

Update:I just tested the flashlight, and it's broken. Oh well, I guess that saves me .4 ounces.

I am what I am.

Take the quiz: "Which American City Are You?"

Cleveland
You are blue collar and Rock n Roll. You Work hard and party harder.

Not bad. If I was to pick one of the possibilities, that's the one that I'd have chosen. And not just because it's the closest to where I actually live.

More Zen

Had Chinese take-out again the other day. So here I'm sharing some more zen-like thoughts.

Keep true to the dreams of your youth.
Lucky Numbers 8, 14, 22, 27, 32, 45

You have a keen sense of humor and love a good time.
Lucky Numbers 6, 13, 14, 22, 24, 35
(on the back) Learn Chinese - Telephone: Dian-hua

(This one is in blue instead of the usual red ink)
Your exotic ideas lead you to many exiting, new adventures!

Boy, that last one might have been right out of Harvey's personal files.

And yes, Harvey, we know... add 'between the sheets' to the end of the fortune.

So little to do and so much time to do it in...

Strike that, reverse it.

Sorry I missed the PGH Assignment this week, I was helping my blogless brother move all day yesterday, and never got around to using my computer at all. Besides, I couldn't think of anything but tying a pork chop around the terrorist's neck and making them play with dogs. Israeli dogs. Some pretty good ideas at the roundup by everybody else though.

Any how, packing and putting stuff in storage took all day, and we're not even done yet. I couldn't help today, had to work most of the day, but there is more stuff to get tomorrow. Sometimes having access to a truck can be a pain.

Fortunately, as late as we got done Wednesday, the hot tub was up and running. As we were soaking in it around 11:00, we did get a little star-gazing in. Don't know what was up, but we saw 6 or 7 sattelites cruise by in a 15 minute stretch. Most I had ever seen in one night before was about 3.

And then an owl swooped down over us and almost gave me a heart attack. BIG OWL. But still, not a bad way to end a tiring day.

Who'd a thunk it?

You are a GRAMMAR GOD!


If your mission in life is not already to
preserve the English tongue, it should be.
Congratulations and thank you!


How grammatically sound are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I know that anyone who has actually read my writing would probably dissagree. I know most of the rules; I just chose which ones I use.

More Zen...

Had Chinese take-out with my blogless brother and my Dad again. So here is what we learned from lunch...

Mine:
The respect and help of influential people will soon be yours.
Lucky Numbers 6, 10, 12, 16, 34, 35

Blogless Brother's:
Enthusiastic leadership gets you a promotion when you least expect it.
Lucky Numbers 1, 2, 3, 17, 27, 37
(Bonus on the back):
Learn Chineses: Pork - Zhu-rou

Dad's:
Do not mistake temptation for opportunity.
Luck Numbers 12, 14, 22, 23, 24, 43

A Moment of Zen

Had Chinese-Take-Out for lunch today. Here's a couple of the fortune cookie... well, fortunes.

Your fastidious nature has much more fun this year!
Lucky Numbers 11, 18, 16, 31, 35, 41
(OK, that one doesn't make much sense.)

Pray for what you want, but work for the things you need.
Lucky Numbers 6, 14, 22, 24, 36, 37
(Some good old-fashioned advice there.)

May Day! May Day!

Does anyone know how a European holiday became the standard call for a plane in distress? Is is just because it is easy to say and doesn't sound like anything else, or is there a more interesting story?

I don't know, but I just thought I'd ask.

And just what is May Day? I think it involves a pole of some sort, and I know the Russians used to celebrate with tank parades, but that's about it.

Coincidence?

Here's a little something that has me scratching my head. We just put a Slushy Machine in our convenience store today. This afternoon we had scattered snow showers.

Coincidence? Or not?

The President has left Buffalo

President Bush was in town today to talk to a group of law enforcement officials about the Patriot Act. Not being one of them myself, I was not at the invitation only event, but I did manage to forget all about it untill early this afternoon.

Of course the visit made front page news, but you have to cry a little about the coverage. Only one of the two articles actuall made any mention of what he spoke on. And that one had almost as much about the protesters as the article solely devoted to the protest.

My favorite quote was from some guy who complained that the protesters had to stay on the other side of the parking lot from Kleinhan's Music Hall where the event was held. OK, let me get this straight. You've got a couple hundred people who are literally calling for George Bush's head, and you want security to let them any closer? I'm all for Free Speech, but you have to be realistic.

And where do you think the protesters would have been put if it was a Democrat President? In this Democrat controled city, you'd be lucky if you were within sight of the location, much less shouting distance.

Speaking of Democrat control, the mayor of Buffalo, Tony Masiello, decided to protest the President by not showing up. Apparently, he and his political croneys blame the Bush presidency for Buffalo having a Control Board put over it. Yeah right. The 40+ years of good ol' boy Democrats running this city and county in the ground had nothing to do with it. Our population base gets a little smaller every year, so instead of backing off services, they just raise the taxes a little more and more. We've got the one of the highest sales taxes in the state and some of the highest property taxes as well.

No wonder everyone is leaving. You can't have much more of a business unfriendly environment than we do here. But you know how it is, when you have people out of work, you've got to soak the evil businesses that have all the money.

Even better, we have the most unionized city in the country. Pretty hard for a business to come in if it knows that if it doesn't unionize right from the get-go, ot probably won't even get a building permit.

OK. /rant

Meet Rufus!

There was a new addition to the GEBIV extended family. My other blogless brother Mike and his wife Meg just got home with their new addition. Unfortunately, I live in Buffalo and they live in Rhode Island, so this is the first I got to see him too.

I've got Rufus' picture in the extended entry.

Isn't that the most spoiled thing you've ever seen?

The customer isn't always right...

Susie over at Practical Penumbra has a little contest going. It's simple, just relate your worst first hand customer experience. Leave your entries in her comments. Or, if you don't have any of your own, just have a chuckle at what's already there.

My entry... well, I'll put it in the extended entry.

One of my jobs in the family business involves waiting on customers at our automated car wash. This is a conveyor wash which involves guiding the customer onto the track and stopping them at a specific spot. There have been many poor drivers who don't listen to the shouted directions, but usually you can get them on the track with out too much difficulty.

But the absolute worst customer I had pulled up on a very busy day and apparently thought that we should take the car through for him. So he simply got out of his car with the engine running and with it still left in drive.

I had to chase it down the car wash tunnel, dive into the open door, and put it into nuetral before it hit the car in front of it. Almost broke both of my legs as they were half out the door as I was dragged through the car wash.

Weather or not...

I like the weather here in Buffalo. We actually get Weather, not just climate.

You’re probably wondering just what on earth I’m talking about. Let me ‘splain.

In some parts of the country, your weather is really just climate. It is always the same, day after day, with only small, subtle differences at different times of the year. These places don’t even have seasons, unless you count tourist season. Take Florida for example; you have hot/hot, then hot/humid, then hot/wet. I know that people who live there probably don’t consider highs in only the 80s to be hot, but let’s face it, the rest of the country is in shorts when they are wearing parkas.

But Buffalo, on the other hand, has Weather. That’s right, with a capital ‘W.’ And we have seasons too. Sometimes all four in one week. I’m serious. Just two weeks ago, we went from 70 deg. weather on Monday to 6” of snow, and temps in the 20s on Thursday. With rain on the days in between.

But what got me on this little weather rant was our first thunderstorm of the season. To me, that was the real indication that it was finally spring. I don’t go by the calendar (sometimes spring is early or late), and the groundhog is usually wrong (Come on, he’s only right about 45% of the time. Shouldn’t the whole thing about his shadow be reversed? It would actually be more accurate.) But I digress…

However, the first thunderstorm really means that the seasons have changed. And a good thunderstorm doesn’t even last that long around here. Today’s storm rolled in about 11:30 and was gone by 12:30. The sun is starting to come out and the temperature is already heading up to the forecast high of 70.

I can see trees starting to bud and the grass looks like it will need mowing soon. It looks like a good day.

Day By Day

Yay, I finally got around to putting 'Day By Day' up on this site. (If you haven't read this really good cartoon by Chris Muir, go on over to his site and read all of the past strips.)

Now I just have to get off my can and work on getting my old archives over here from blogspot.

And then... colors?

Good reading

For those of you who don't know about him, Rich Galen is a political pundit who is currently working for the State Department in Iraq. He normally has a three-time a week column that he posts on the internet. But while he is working for the Government, he is only doing a Sunday post each week.

I like it because it shows a little of what the US is trying to do over there on behalf of the Iraqis. He also often writes about the people who are doing it.

So, his page, Mullings, is now in the links section of my sidebar. I highly recomend his writing.

Cox and Forkum...

have some really great political cartoons. Along with some good analysis of what the cartoon is about. Check out their latest here. I like the quote at the bottom of the entry from the head of the Marines First Division, General James Mattis.

"If they barricade themselves inside a mosque, we are not going to care about the mosque anymore than they do," Mattis said. [Emphasis added]

Shameless Kissing Up

Susie,

Is this enough violets?
(In the extended entry)

1000th Visitor

As near as I can tell, based on the when the comments came in and the fact that I was visitor 1001 when I checked them, Susie was my 1000th visitor.

Yaaaaay. I got to 1000.

Now I've got to do something nice for her I suppose.

A little Test

Just trying something I've always wanted to do online.

In the Extended Entry should be a picture of Slinky.

View image

Isn't he just so cute?

Is there a Munuvia Mascot yet?

My first entry...

Well, thanks to Pixy for setting this site up so far.

And Special Thanks to Madfish for nominating me, and Susie for seconding the nomination.

I hope that I can maintain the low standards that everyone expects.